The feeling never leaves

[Modern_Chemistry]

Even when I'm happy and having a good time, suicide occupies my brain. I can't keep it off my mind. When I'm having a good day, I still feel like I just want to kill myself. When I'm hanging out with my best friends I always think "What would they do if I died?". I know my parents and friends would be devastated but that doesn't change my thoughts. I feel like I need to die. I don't want to keep going, no matter how good things get. On bad days, I look forward to good days. But on good days, I realize there is no point. It's not like I hate life. It's just I don't feel like living anymore. I feel like dying. No matter how many therapists I talk to, how many hospitals I go to, or how many medications I take, nothing changes. I still would rather just die.

[yoshi'stheshiznit.]

Hey.

I think that your opponent in this case is truly, just the psychological block you're facing. The real thing about whatever problems you encountered in the past, truly remains in the past. just remember that good days are something that you deserve, and you should enjoy fully.

You should tell us what you went through in the past.. we'll gladly listen to everything. No one has to lock his pain up inside his heart and tell no one just because they don't want other people to suffer.. that's very painful for that person. Just remember that, and don't hesitate to tell us what you had went through last time. There must be something bad that occured in the past... you deserve the good days that you are having now.


but we're here to help you and listen to you, alright so tell us anything. we will help you overcome that psychological reaction. it's only psychological , and it's nothing that cannot be overcome.

caring always.

[Sidhe.]

I feel exactly the same way. = /

darrenboy! is right, I think. Talking can really help.

We're here for you.

xxx

[Jacksonian]

Get those thoughts out of your mind. Get them out and live your life. Don't tolerate them at all.

[Modern_Chemistry]

Originally Posted by Jacksonian

Get those thoughts out of your mind. Get them out and live your life. Don't tolerate them at all.

But how? I try every day but no matter what I do they always come back strong as ever. They are slowly breaking me down and degrading me. It doesn't matter how much help I get, no one truly understands how I feel inside or how to help me. I feel so stuck, like I'm never going to feel better. I have been fighting depression and anxiety for a while now and every day is a challenge. It's not like they are both gone. They are still there, the anxiety getting a little better, but the depression getting worse. I can't live my life when I'm scared of everything and just wanting to kill myself. People don't take me seriously when I say I want to kill myself. I want to do it just to show how serious I am. I don't care if I survive or not. I either want the right help to get me better, or just not to live anymore. I hate always living on the edge. I hate not being able to do anything. And I hate that nothing makes me feel better.

[WillO'Wisp]

I believe medication just numbs you, but it won't fix the pain. You have to do that yourself and heal yourself. You do not need to die, and it's good you realize there are several people in your life who would be devastated, so therefore, you can't inflict that kind of pain on people. Once you're gone, you can never come back. Suicide is very final, and you'll never get to experience all the good opportunities you could have experienced if you just had stuck it out longer.
I know it feels like the feeling will never leave, but it will. You just have to fight it and tell it to leave you alone, try not to allow those thoughts to bother you, shut them out the best you can, and remember all the good things in your life.

[Jacksonian]

You see the trick with life is when you get knocked down you have to stand up and begin on the road again. It is hard but not so hard that you can be defeated. It takes time. You slowly get up and then you slowly walk. Taking one day at a time. The other days will come but just be concerned about today. Don't worry about tomorrow or next week or next month just focus on the current day you are living in. Start out by saying today I want to .......(so and so). But you have to give the good days a chance and not just belittle them even though they aren't spectacular.