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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Oddoneout Offline
Average Joe
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Name: Daniel
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Canada

Posts: 131
Join Date: February 22nd 2009

I have nothing - March 9th 2010, 01:03 AM

as a young kid I had alot of problems

at home I had a special needs sister so my parents had to focus on her and they lacked experience so they didn't handle it very well. they played favorite even tho I was the little brother I had to play big brother I grew to hate her more then most people could imagine

because of the unusual situation at home I became an unusual person and not in a good way

at school I couldn't understand others easily and I don't know if they understood me but regardless I was the black sheep and a runt because I myself have a learning disability doctors called it communication difficulty I call it logical thinking I can't understand things like art writing and anything that can apply to social situations my mind just won't bend that way I can understand math and science easier then most but that doesn't matter in the end

anyway I was seen as the runt always behind in classes designed for non logical thinkers after a time I didn't even bother trying so I became the sacrafical lamb there was one in every class every one hates him and take every chance they could get to make him feel worse

you have no idea how much I hated everyone I really wanted them to die and my fantasy was to blow up the school with everyone (including me) inside

every time I showed emotion classmates would use it ageist me or my parents would scold me because I was better off then my sister and therefor should be happy

by grade 5 I had stopped showing emotion all together and learned how to blend in

I changed schools in grade 5 the damage was done so it didn't matter it just ment it was easier to hide because no one hated me yet
it was still there and it was always getting worse every year
my parents gradually got better I am actually relatively close to my dad who had caused the most pain

after the bullying stopped I stopped hating altogether
I don't hate the kids who made me miserable I don't hate my parints
it's hard for me to get angry anymore there is alot I should be mad at but I am not it's like nothing can compare to the kids I hated so much

I am in my last year of highschool getting ready to go away to collage and I havn't changed at all

I can't show emotion

I can't talk very well or often
I can't trust anyone
any development of social skills that most people got never happened

I have nothing
I will be alone for the rest of my life however long it is
I will never be normal
I will never be close to anyone

wanna talk?

AIM: oddoneout667
MSN: dancl667@hotmail.com

with or without religion a good person will do good and an evil one will do evil
  Send a message via AIM to Oddoneout Send a message via MSN to Oddoneout  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Lynnnnn Offline
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Name: Lynn
Gender: Female
Location: New York! Lawn Guyland

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Join Date: March 4th 2010

Re: I have nothing - March 10th 2010, 11:44 PM

Originally Posted by Oddoneout View Post
I will be alone for the rest of my life however long it is
I will never be normal
I will never be close to anyone

i dont believe that u will be alone for the rest of your life.
Your soul mate is out there somewhere, maybe with the same problems(?)

I'm sure you are a great guy.....when you want to be

♫Hey baby, why you treating me bad, Hey Darling, know you make me mad♫
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Chibicat16 Offline
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Name: Krystal
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Down South

Posts: 35
Blog Entries: 3
Join Date: March 2nd 2010

Re: I have nothing - March 11th 2010, 10:31 AM

you and i have very similar stories, I was a loner who hated being hated for no reason. I also moved in the 5th grade, and learned how to not show emotions, people think im extremely weird....
im 19 about to turn 20 and has never had a boyfriend

if u want ur welcomed to talk to me.....
im really disappointed in myself cus i wish i could help you more T-T
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