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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
UltraViolet Offline
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Suicide letter???? - April 3rd 2010, 09:16 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I feel everything is extremly complicated, so i wont try to explain exactly what and why im thinking these things but...
Do you ever get the need, the strong feeling inside you, that tells you that-you should be in hospital?
A hospital that will keep you safe, care for your SH injuries?
that will try and help you not to destroy yourself.
Somewhere that understand what you need?
Somewhere that your head doesnt feel like its going to explode.
That theres so much on top of you and this 'place' helps you not to drown?
I keep thinking so much about being commited, how much better how much safer i would be.
But also how much easier. How caring for myself right now is impossible.
simply because i dont care.
I've never wanted to die as much as i do now.
Earlier today i did a task i was set by my threapist.
I had to write 2 letters.
One was imaging myself in 5 years time, writing a letter to my mum and i had recovered. Everthing was going great in my life. This letter i could barely write i just cant see it.
The second letter was imagining myself in 5 years time, writing a letter to my mum and nothing had changed.
I was still depressed/lonely/vunerable/angry/frustrated/alone all that.
And writing it was so easy, but so hard.
It felt like i was writing my suicide letter, to the person that means the most to me, my mum.
And i couldnt stop crying...

Does anyone understand what i mean at all?


'thanks to you i never trusted...'
- Boy Kill Boy




This depression is a killer...
   
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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: Suicide letter???? - April 3rd 2010, 10:11 PM

In a vague sense I do. But for me when I felt this way, tired of life itself, I felt there was nowhere that could help me feel better. Even the one place I await to live in.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Suicide letter???? - April 4th 2010, 12:36 AM

Lea,
I COMPLETELY understand what you are saying. Honestly, I feel like being in the hospital would keep me so much safer and help me a lot easier then how I'm struggling now. Almost to the point where I want to attempt suicide just to show people how serious I am. But, I know that's not the answer. I think the best thing you can do is tell your therapist how unsafe you are feeling. And also tell him/her you would feel much safer in a hospital and think that's the best option at this point. It's not a bad thing at all, it's a good thing. Because no one wants you to get hurt or end up doing something you'll regret. I know how impossible it may seem to tell someone, but it's very important. Maybe it's a good thing you felt like you were writing a suicide letter. Because if you think about it, maybe that's one thing that'll keep you from committing suicide? Although it may have made you feel worse at the time you were writing it, maybe nonw you'll know you really do want to live know matter how bad things are? I know you can do it, just hang in there Lea. It's all going to be okay.
Stay strong,
Alessa


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
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mIssIng:nO Offline
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Re: Suicide letter???? - April 4th 2010, 05:59 AM

i sort of understand what you mean, but my suicide letter was bassically just a big "im sorry" spanned out over a page
   
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Re: Suicide letter???? - April 4th 2010, 11:18 PM

Hey again Lea,

I can understand completely where you're coming from - it's a thought process I've seen people go through when faced with suicidal and SH tendencies, and it's quite common. In effect it's the element of self-preservation within you recognising the potential danger and looking for ways to address it. What you're going through often makes it very hard to look after yourself and care for your own welfare, which is exactly the reason why the hospitals provide this service, so as I said it's totally understandable.

I agree with Alessa - it's a good idea to mention how you're feeling about things to your therapist. I realise going into hospital can sometimes be a daunting prospect, but it can be a very positive experience as well. They wouldn't still use them if they didn't have positives as well. If you make them aware that this is how you feel, they'll be able to look into options and discuss them with you so you know what the best course of action for you is. In the meantime, stay strong and remember we're here for you.

Take care.


"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

However bleak things seem, however insurmountable the darkness appears, remember that you have worth and nothing can take that away.

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Originally Posted by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart! View Post
If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
RIP Nick
   
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