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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Smiling sucks Offline
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I'm starting to think suicide is a pretty damn good option - April 10th 2010, 02:58 AM

I've never been a very good talker personally, but my sudden desire to jump off a very tall building has persuaded me otherwise.

I can remember back in elementary school being such a happy go lucky kid you know? But I'm starting to realize that I was just extremely naive. I was blissfully ignorant as I like to say. Yes I know though of you who are reading this are probably saying, "wow, so you had issues... haven't we all?" And I suppose you'd be right. I always like the saying just because your life is more awful than somebody else's, doesn't mean theirs doesn't suck.

I suppose I could blame the route of all evil on bad genes. I mean life didn't start sucking until middle school. By 8th grade I was the shortest, most... "underdeveloped" I guess... kid in my year. I'll tell you from my experience, it sucks to have all your friends shaving and dating while you get to watch from the sidelines because you sound like elmo when you speak.

Needless to say nothing changed in high school.
*funny story side-note: When I was a freshman in high school, age 14, I went into a movie rental store and picked out a PG-13 movie. OK I'm 14. I go up to the register to pay and the guy tells me that I need parental consent to rent a PG-13 movie if I'm under 13 years old. I asked the man, how old do you think I am. He told me, and I quote, "I'd say ten," then when he saw my pissed off face he said, "OK little man, 10 and a half?"
Can you say self esteem boost! *

Anyway, this issue combined with the fact that my father, "who loves me very much", only remembers he does when he gets a childcare bill.

Fast trak:

Told I'm depressed
Go to hospital (phsych ward) because of suicidal thoughts
put on meds
meds make me gain 100 lbs (no exaggeration)
miss 7 months of school losing any friends I might have had
wind up in a special ed school with 21 kids in it, 19 boys, all on the autism spectrum
watch my peers pick their noses, eat what they find, fart, wear short, tight pants, oh and showers are a thing of the past at my school
Haven't slept or eaten in a week

there is a bright side however... I was sent a facebook message a week ago from one my my friends whom I haven't spoken to in a while. It was such an uplifting note, telling me how much everyone misses me and wants to see me again.

followed by a note the next day that said, "oops, wrong person."

I'm not a religious guy because I've heard that god loves his children, which we all are. If there was a god and he loved me, I'd have been run over by some drunk driver by now. I've also heard that after death there's heaven and hell... I feel like I've already had my own personal slice of option B so why not take a chance. Worst case scenario... I go to a new hell.

Last edited by Smiling sucks; April 10th 2010 at 03:03 AM.
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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: I'm starting to think suicide is a pretty damn good option - April 10th 2010, 03:12 AM

So what now ? Suicide ? I see your point ? I went through the suicide option and I can see why you want to.

But, you have life so that you may live. This world is cruel, if not all then very most of it. So don't let the cruel guys spoil it for you. Live, eat and sleep, take care of yourself. And live well. Don't neglect your
health. If you let everything go out of control then things will become chaos itself. So take control one thing at a time, for now be healthy, then later look at your life and determine what next.

I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.

Last edited by Jacksonian; April 10th 2010 at 03:16 AM. Reason: addition
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
FlyingTrue Offline
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Re: I'm starting to think suicide is a pretty damn good option - April 10th 2010, 03:20 AM

When I went to public school, the "short underdeveloped guy" was Mr. Sociable and the so-called "popular girl" was always with him, a complete opposite of what you are going through. Considering that, probably just being the way you are will work out perfectly under a different group of circumstances. For example, maybe things will change if you transfer to a different school? I was once the one that was isolated and persecuted against, partly attributed to that I too was somewhat a "late-bloomer" and I had not yet developed the desire for companionship until my sophomore year when my "obsessive incident" began in the second semester. But for me, after a change of circumstances, now my life is a lot better. I'm sure that even though you hate the way your life is now, it is entirely possible to change your life in a way that will be better and make you happy.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Nina Twin Offline
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Re: I'm starting to think suicide is a pretty damn good option - April 10th 2010, 06:45 AM

You don't have to believe in any god to know that everybody has purpose and that everybody has potential. I'm not going to deny that what has happened to you is extremely unfortunate and that things could have been different for you. Things could have been perfect, but they weren't; there's no use looking backwards when the only thing you can do is more forward. You can take those experiences and LEARN from them and become a stronger person for experiencing them. If anything, these experiences have given you more potential because now you know how strong you are, how strong you can be, and what you're capable of overcoming.

It's said quite often, but it's extremely true. Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to temporary problems. I know for a fact that things will progress and get better if you keep going on and keep moving forward. You have places to go, people to see, lives to change, things to experience - so many amazing things in your future that you don't want to pass up by any means. For every one person that treats you badly, there are five who love you. Don't ever forget how much you mean to those people, how much good you have yet to do in this world, and how powerful you are.

If you ever need someone to talk to, private message me anytime.

"Life should not be measured by how far we can fall, but how high we can climb."

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Re: I'm starting to think suicide is a pretty damn good option - April 10th 2010, 10:46 AM

Don't compare yourself to others. I know its hard - Im learning this the hard way my living with my gorgeous, funny, passionate, smart, blonde, d-cup best friend, and all that being the opposite of me.
But I'm working on it, and when you look in the mirror and say "Wow I really like that about myself" instead of "I wish I had my friend's eye colour" or something, you smile a little more.
Besides, it sounds like you seem like a really approachable and friendly guy, and girls like that.

When you can't run, you crawl, and when you can't crawl anymore, you find someone to carry you.
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