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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
i_am_me_again Offline
I'm A Pyschotic Neurotic.
I can't get enough
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Name: Jaymi
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Posts: 3,203
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Fuck Life - April 10th 2010, 06:02 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Honestly, I have so much jealousy, and self hatred, I dont deserve to be alive.

Im so fucking angry, I just want to kill everyone and then myself. I feel like self harming.

Im just fuming, I hate me, I hate my life.

I get mental blocks meaning I cant do things that are mentally easy, because physically my mind stops me doing things.

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Cannot express my anger in words, because its just too fucking much.

I wish my head would explode.


Whenever my cpn comes over, I get stuck and cant speak about anything, but at times like this I could scream andscream and scream.

Too angry to continue

Good bye World


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Our lives are like music.
It hits its high and low notes,
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Stardaze Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Fuck Life - April 10th 2010, 06:13 PM

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't well for you right now Jaymi.
I don't have much advice to offer, but i just want to tell you that from what i know of you, stay strong and hang in there. It will be worth it in the end. You may not see a point know, but later on in life you will realize that you hanging on benefited you in the long run.
I'm always here to listen if you ever need that.
But in the meantime, take care of yourself.
We're here for you, and we believe that you will be okay.





   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
dr2005 Offline
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Re: Fuck Life - April 10th 2010, 07:25 PM

Hey Jaymi,

I'm sorry to hear that things are clearly as tough if not tougher than before - I know that's probably going to come across as an empty statement, especially as a relative stranger over the Internet, but it's true. What I would also say, though, is that from what I can see there is nothing in what you've said or done to suggest that you don't deserve to be alive - for one thing, you're a Mentor on here which says a lot in itself about you, and a great many of the posts I've seen are very complimentary of you. The impression you've left on people here is something you should really be quite proud of, I'd say.

As far as the anger and self-hatred go, I can understand why they're causing you to think this way about life - you're having to deal with a pretty shit situation by anyone's estimation, and as you said in another post these sorts of thoughts are coming up unbidden and causing you a lot of pain. I do wish there was a way we could just take these kinds of thoughts out of our heads, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. The most important thing to remember, though, is that everything you're experiencing is because of events that are beyond your control, and they're not a reflection of who you really are. You wouldn't be able to say the supportive, uplifting and comforting things that you have done if these feelings of jealousy and anger were who you really are. You're having to deal with a lot of very difficult things in a short space of time, so it's natural that you're a) going to feel a bit pissed off and b) will sometimes feel jealous of others who aren't having to deal with them. That is one of the tradeoffs of being human. But it doesn't make you a horrible person or worth hating by any stretch of the imagination. If it did, believe me I'd be in a lot of trouble by now!

I realise it is very difficult, but when you do feel like this about yourself take a few moments to look back at the things that people have said about you here on Teenhelp, and the visitor messages on your page. They if anything should demonstrate that I'm not lying when I say you are a good person and people like you. In the meantime, take care of yourself and feel free to vent if you want - we're all here if you need us.


"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

However bleak things seem, however insurmountable the darkness appears, remember that you have worth and nothing can take that away.

Quote:
Originally Posted by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart! View Post
If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
RIP Nick
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Jacksonian Offline
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Re: Fuck Life - April 10th 2010, 10:47 PM

Hey there Jaymi. Now what brought this about ? Self hatred and jealousy! Hmmm, what are you jealous about ? Is it something someone has or just someone ? And why do you hate yourself ? Why ? Have you done something bad, something that makes you hate yourself ? If so, then stop doing that bad thing so you can stop hating yourself. If you just hate yourself then decide to stop hating yourself, because you don't need that.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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