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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
xxprincessxx Offline
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Name: Sammie
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crossed the point of no return. - April 11th 2010, 08:26 PM

i wish life had a backspace button, i wish i could erase all of these past few weeks.
today; i lost everything that ever mattered to me.
my best friend, my church, my faith and my purpose.
i can't even begin to describe the feeling that i feel right now.
it's taking everything in me to not fall apart.
but i keep thinking about everything he said

"why do you keep saying this stuff, just stop, i don't want it brought up here again, i don't want you to talk to anybody else about it here, i don't even know if this is the real issue, you obv. have issues but i don't know what they are,"

if i hadn't told my friend, then none of this would have happened but it did. and i can't take it back and i don't want to blame him, but i do, if he hadn't got involved, then i would be still have something. but now i have nothing.
no hope.
no passion.
everything is gone.

i can't explain how i feel; shocked, hurt, depressed...and on top of everything else. the one thing that kept me sane is gone.
i'd give up the whole world for some peace.


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
FlyingTrue Offline
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Re: crossed the point of no return. - April 11th 2010, 09:33 PM

Sammie,
If everything that matters is gone, it is not time to end it all, rather time to start anew. It does upset me that you want help but are being refused it no matter what you do, even by your own parents. According to your profile you are eighteen, so legally you go anywhere you want to go to seek help. It may be better for you if you were to go to a different church where you can meet people that can care for you, including a different pastor that will listen and new friends that will appreciate you. You can and will still find peace in life. All is not lost.

I understand how you feel because I have gone through something similar before. I was dealing with massive internal turmoil similar to what you are going through which left me depressed and confused, I had no friends, my parent didn't know how to help, and the people I went to didn't really understand. But I started anew. Now things are a lot better for me. Even though you may be stuck in the middle of a tunnel that seems endless, you will reach a light if you keep going. Trust me.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
xxprincessxx Offline
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Re: crossed the point of no return. - April 11th 2010, 09:53 PM

theres no point going to a different church; i'm completely and utterly done with god.
i just, i can't believe i trusted my friend, it was all his idea and i went along with only to embarrse myself completely and to get told of by a pastor, i mean seriously, that's just killer -- which explains why i'm done there. he didn't have any right to tell me to not talk about with anybody @ the church.

i don't want to end it all, but i don't know what to do.
this feeling is horrid and now i have nobody


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
FlyingTrue Offline
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Re: crossed the point of no return. - April 11th 2010, 11:07 PM

You should not let what one ignorant fool does affect your beliefs like that. Another church would have different people and different leaders which is why I suggested it. This emptiness may last a while but you will find somebody that will be there for you. You have been very strong dealing with this so far and I know you will get through this.
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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
xxprincessxx Offline
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Name: Sammie
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Re: crossed the point of no return. - April 12th 2010, 01:58 AM

that's true...i guess when you respect somebody though and they react like that...it kind of kills it.... and i've been questioning it for awhile, but i don't know... it sucks because i have nobody to talk to about it.... i tried talking to one person about and they were just like "oh, well i guess we're done then," it's just like a lost everything within a few hours and it's soooo hard to deal with


all i want is a place to call my own and
mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone,
woah,
you know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

<3
   
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