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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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*Alyssa* Offline
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Unhappy i have to..... - April 15th 2010, 01:02 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i have to.........i cant be on this earth anymore. with this pain. it hurts to much to think about living my life without him. i cant go another day without the hope that he'll forgive me one day and love me again....i'd give my life for him. and thats exactly what i'm going to do.....all i have to do is cut the right way and i'll be gone forever. because i cant even imagine my life without him. i wish he could have believed that i'd never hurt him again. i wish he could have believed me when i said i love him forever and ever. Forever and ever......that was our thing.

i'll never have a thing with him again because he doesn't want me anymore....i hope he has a happy life.....i hope he finds someone he can love.....more than i ever loved him.....God i love him with everything inside me. I wish he could have seen that. i wish he could have felt that from me. March 13th would have been the day. i wish he could have. but i'll be gone soon. and he'll never have to hear from me again.

Good-bye my one true love. Good-bye my soul mate. Good-bye. maybe i'll see you in heaven. and we can be together there. Forever and ever. </3 i hope you miss me a little when i'm gone. i wish i could have made him see how much i loved him and never wanted to hurt him again.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Stardaze Offline
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Re: i have to..... - April 15th 2010, 01:14 AM

Hi Alyssa,
I'm not sure if threads like this are against the rules (goodbye threads basically)
But i thought i would offer some help anyway. I don't think you should give up on everything. Your only 17 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. It may feel like the end of the world, but i promise it's not. Your just a teenager. Think of your family. Your friends. Don't you want to go to college and become something? Don't give up just because he doesn't want to be with you. Be strong and do your best to move on, and move forward with your life. It's what you deserve.

Do things that can get your mind off this. Phone, School, Friends, Family. It wont be easy but all you can do is do the best that you can.

I know we don't talk all that much but feel free to PM me if you need anyone to talk to.
Take care.




   
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Re: i have to..... - April 15th 2010, 01:21 AM

Listen to me. I know what you are going through. I felt the exact same way two years ago. I felt like there was nothing to live for because a specific girl did not love me. Often I felt that by killing myself, she might love me even just for a brief moment. But this is a terrible way of thinking. She was not my one true love. She will not love me in heaven. She will never be there for me. But I held onto this for two long and painful years. It was the biggest mistake of my life.

You just need someone there to love you the way you want to be loved. This someone might be a better and stronger love than the one you were with before. You are probably feeling "How could anyone possibly love me more when I was connecting with this guy on my deepest levels? Nobody else can ever make me feel this way again." Don't cast doubt upon yourself. If he truly loved you he would have remained with you despite your slip-up. I know I would have if I were him. You will find a better person and you have a bright future. You will be loved, and you have a joyous future ahead of you.
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Re: i have to..... - April 15th 2010, 01:26 AM

idk. i cant keep holding on. i just want to die. simple as that. i cant live without him. and once i'm in a better place, i'll be happier. he'll be happier too
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Re: i have to..... - April 15th 2010, 01:27 AM

I know what death feels like because people have tried to kill me in middle school once. There is nothing there. Don't do it.
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Re: i have to..... - April 15th 2010, 01:29 AM

it wouldn't hurt.....just 2 easy cuts and then i'd fall asleep.
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Re: i have to..... - April 15th 2010, 02:12 AM

Yes it would hurt. Especially knowing that you would be hurting others more than yourself including people who cared about you even more than that one guy did. It would not be easy. And it would not be worth it.
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*Alyssa* Offline
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Re: i have to..... - April 15th 2010, 03:35 PM

idc. i wont live without him. i dont want to deal with the pain i'm feeling now. maybe he'll feel a little pain once i'm gone.
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Re: i have to..... - April 18th 2010, 11:12 PM

Hi, I dont know you, but I stumbled across your post. I just want to tell you that if you really are thinking about killing yourself, just stop for a minute and think. Think about your future. Maybe you will find your one true love. Someone new whose good for you and you are good for them. The situation with this boy youre talking about sounds aweful and I know what youre going through. But just remember that if something is ment to be it will happen and if its something that is not ment to be, just let it be and something that is ment to be will come along soon. Just remember this feeling will eventually pass and you wont be feeling this way forever. And if you did something to hurt this boy, all you can really do for now is apologize and hope that he forgives you, but give him time. And in the mean time try working on forgiving yourself. He may forgive you and want to be friends with you someday, but try not to harp on that because you cant controll that. All you can control is trying to work on yourself and your own issues. Try to stand on your own two feet and be independant without this boy and it will feel so good because you know you can take care of yourself and you can help yourself. Dont be afraid to keep on living and try to be strong. Theres someone out there who loves you and needs you to keep living. You can still do anything with your life that you want to, why not just push through this hard time and see where you end up? Everything might not turn out ok, but you will be ok. Anyway im just so sorry you feel this way and I hope I can at least make you feel a little bit better. Please be strong...
   
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