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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Franz_Ferdinand Offline
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I feel like I'm missing out. - May 2nd 2010, 08:43 PM

Hi everyone, my name's Liam. I'm a 16 years old and I'm a sophomore in a Southern U.S. high school. Lately, I've been very, very depressed and bored to the point of contemplating suicide. My problems stem from a variety of things, like family issues, peer pressure, religious issues, the run-of-the-mill anxieties of young men... But I think the main cause of my depression is my social ineptness. See, I was home schooled until 9th grade, so I'm not so great at connecting with people in the public school environment. I don't have any disabilities or mental issues or anything; I'm actually pretty likable, and charismatic to a degree. I was probably the most popular person in the home school group thing, and I remain friends with most of my fellow home schoolers to this day. But I can't really exercise that charisma to its fullest extent in the huge public school environment. It's pretty over-whelming. The thing that's weird is I've made a good bunch of friends in my new high school. I know they genuinely like me, I'm not completely ignorant of social norms like most former homeschoolers.They regard me as the funny, weird, wild, life of the party kind of guy. I love being in school with those people, for the most part. I can't really connect with everyone, though. There are two kinds of people in my school: Jocks/Preps, and weird kids. The former are people whose activities are dominated by mindless diversions like football and fishing and church and country music. I don't really care for those people, I don't give a shit whether they like me or not. They don't bully me or anything, they just do their best to ignore my existence, and I return the favor. The weird kids include metal heads, emo kids, scene kids, nerds, and all the other rejects. They're a pretty well functioning social circle, despite their eccentric nature. I guess weird is becoming the new cool. Surprisingly, they make up a pretty big portion of the school. And I get along with a lot of them really well. Like I said, I usually have a blast during school, which is pretty new to me. For the first part of the year, I was pretty isolated and even more depressed and I am now(I spent freshman year at another school, so I didn't know anyone).

Despite my relative social success, which I should be grateful for given my past, I find myself more depressed than ever. I can't help but feel like I'm missing out on my teenage years. I think my main qualm is the fact that I hardly hang out with friends outside of school. When I do, it's usually with old home-schooling friends. I feel that it's essential to the high school experience, and in extension, my own happiness. I dunno why it's like this. I guess the type of people I hang out with are the sort that would rather stay home than go out and do shit. I dunno why this relatively minor aspect of my social life is making me feel so bad. It's saddened me so much that I considered killing myself the other night. I've become fixated on obtaining drugs as a means to escape all this. It fucking hurts, man. And I know it's not normal. It's magnified by this extremely intense unrequited love I have for this girl(sorry if I'm all over the place, I was pretty out of it when I wrote this). She's a scene kid and the most beautiful person I've ever seen. She likes the music I do, hangs out with some of the people I do, and she seems really sweet. I've never spoken a word to her though. She probably isn't even aware of my existence. I usually have no trouble finding a significant other. Not to brag, but I tend to be a bit of a player. 5 girls have asked me out at my school so far, but I turned them all down. But she's the one I can't really seem to approach. It saddens me greatly, I feel pretty empty without her in my life.

So, to sum it all up: I have a relatively broad group of friends, and I have an awesome time in school with them, but I never hang out with them outside of school, which makes me feel extremely depressed and bored. Plus, I'm completely in love with this girl, but I can't seem to do anything about it. I think I have some mental disorder that makes me incapable of being socially content, because I know a lot of people would be perfectly happy in my situation. I could be socially paranoid. I see a shrink about it, but it doesn't really help. At all.

P.S. Sorry if this is in the wrong section or a bit all over the place, I was pretty out of it when I wrote all this.

So what should I do, teenhelp?

Last edited by Franz_Ferdinand; May 2nd 2010 at 09:06 PM.
   
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Re: I feel like I'm missing out. - May 2nd 2010, 08:57 PM

Im not exactly sure what to say as far as what you should do. What I can tell you though is that I understand the situation that you are in. When I was in high school, I had a pretty decent amount of friends. But I guess they were just people who I could hang out with at school and maybe talk to online. But I never really hung out with anyone one-on-one. If someone was having a party or something and a group of people were going then I would go, but if it was a one-on-one setting it just wasnt comfortable so none of use did that. I wanted to though. I wanted friends- but I didnt know how to connect with people. I personally have social anxiety which means that I get anxious around people. I find it difficult to start conversations and to approach people.
I believe that as far as being bored and not having people to hang out with outside of school that maybe you can talk to your friends- try to come up with things to do...like if there is a restaurant or something close to the school suggest that after school you all can get something to eat. or suggest seeing a movie. also, maybe look into sports or clubs that meet after school. even though you would still be "at school" it would be another way to connect with people and fill your time while not putting pressure on your trying to come up with things to do. For example, I did sports in high school which took up a lot of my time and I made some friends on the team with people who I wouldnt have met before joining.
As far as the girl that you like, thats a tricky one for me because like I said, I have a hard time approaching people. Is the girl in any of your classes? Is she friends with anyone who you are friends with? If any of these are true then maybe try to use those to connect with her. like if you are in classes- go up to her and simply ask her what the homework is or something little at first. or ask about something relating to the class. if you both have a mutual friend, maybe talk to the friend about helping you connect with her---maybe have the friend be talking to her and you go up to the friend to ask a question or to say hi, and from there you can say something to the girl. Im sorry that I dont have much advice as far as the girl goes. I personally always used the computer to start talking to people because thats the most comfortable to me.
I hope some of this helped in some way. if you need or want to talk you can pm me.
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Re: I feel like I'm missing out. - May 2nd 2010, 09:24 PM

Hey.

I think you're pretty lonely despite being a popular well liked kind of guy. You need to make the effort to meet your friends outside of school. Go watch a few movies if you find talking to people hard. Or go get coffee or something.

With the girl try start talking to her around other people, if you have mutual friends. Try to make her laugh. Talking to her around people should make is easier to start an itial relationship then get her msn, or number and try talking to her on that. Then it should get easier.

If you need me pm me or message me or something, hope i've helped xxx
   
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Re: I feel like I'm missing out. - May 3rd 2010, 03:28 AM

I feel that I'll somehow ruin whatever relationship I have with someone if I make a proposal like that. Then again, everyone tells me I'm socially paranoid. I'll give it some time, it's a relatively new thing. I got two years to work it out anyway. That's more than long enough.

Thanks for the advice,

-FF
   
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Re: I feel like I'm missing out. - May 3rd 2010, 04:58 AM

i understand being "socially paranoid"---i would consider myself to be that way. i was diagnosed with social anxiety. it is a difficult thing to work around but all you can really do is to learn how to cope with it. im sure that the longer that you are in school vs. being home schooled will help you have an easier time connecting with people and feeling comfortable with it.
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