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-   -   Triggering (Suicide): Decision... (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t44304-decision/)

Guardian_Angel May 11th 2010 11:37 AM

Decision...
 
I don't know why I made myself write this but...

My life is just... I wake up every day and I say out loud I hate my life.

My life is just pathetic. I broke up with the love of my life and slowly it has just seeped into everything...

I think I have completely fucked up my first year of university...

I have no friends. My only connection is with her as she is stringing me along with hope...

My mood is dependant on how well my relationship with her is going...

I have no goals or future or life...

I went out and bought lots of paracetamol again... double the threshold dosage... What am I doing posting here, I have made my decision haven't I?

JackOffJill May 11th 2010 04:44 PM

Re: Decision...
 
Maybe you feel like you have made your decision emotionally, but clearly part of you is reaching out. I know that right now you probably are thinking that why the hell would you reach out when you have made up your mind....but the thing is, maybe you havnt made up your mind completely. There is still a part of you, no matter how small it might be, that wants to continue on, that wants to keep trying, that wants to keep fighting. Please dont drowned that part of yourself out. I know that its not easy to try to hold onto that small part of yourself when the rest of you is screaming that your done, that youve made your decision. But please try.
I want to be able to tell you that everything will get better, but the truth is that I dont know that. What I do believe is that overtime, the pain will decrease and you will be able to deal with things. I want to be able to tell you that you will never feel like this again if you step back from the edge now, but again I cant because I dont know that. I know that for me, personally, when I was extremely suicidal four years ago I had made up my mind. I was done. I tried to kill myself but it didnt work. I hated the fact that I had failed. But at the same time I knew that the way that I had tried to kill myself was not something that I would try again. In a way, because I tried to kill myself, it has stopped me from trying again. I have not tried to kill myself since then...I did have thoughts, yes, but I never put them into action. And the same will happen with you- You will get to a point where you will have the thoughts, but you will be able to control them. I cant tell you how long it will take for you to get there- but believe me, it will happen. And overtime, those thoughts will become quieter and quieter. Overtime, you will think about it less. I know right now it doesnt seem that way and its almost impossible to believe, but it does happen. It really does.
So please, try to hold onto the small part of you that is clearly reaching out. Please dont lose that part of yourself. That part of you can save your life.
If you need anything.....please please pm me!


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