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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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how can i help him? - May 12th 2010, 05:02 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

okay so my friends always expected me to be the one who attempted suicide. After all I found my grandfather after he hung himself when i was 10, I'm the one who had the eating disorder, and self-harms. So it really shocked my friends and family when they got a phone call telling me that my brother tried to kill himself. (my parents don't know about the eating disorder or self-harming).

Growing up my brother and I were really close and still are. He's always been there for me. But now I don't know how to be there for him. I feel bad because apparently my family got the phone call 2 weeks ago and just finally told me this past weekend. They were afraid to tell me, because we were so close. How do I be there for my brother and let him know that I will miss him more than anything if I lose him? someone please tell me how to be there for him, he's my brother and I am scared that I'm going to lose him.

Last edited by Whisperer; May 21st 2010 at 02:00 AM. Reason: Added Triggering prefix :)
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 12th 2010, 05:42 AM

hey kat.

i'm understanding that both of you are going through a lot. But sometimes the people who are always supporting other people, sometimes are the ones who're going through the most themselves. Because of that, they cant really show their sorrow.. and thus he goes through more than everyone. You have to tell him that you know that. And tell him that you're going to be there to support him.. just remember to stay by his side a lot, and make sure that he knows that he's wanted and treasured and cherished.

That knowledge alone actually makes it much easier for him to handle everything.. because knowing that you're treasured and cherished is a feeling that can give strength to anyone and everyone

i hope all will go well.


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Re: how can i help him? - May 12th 2010, 05:57 AM

I try to tell him all the time how much having him around means to me. He helps me get through the week and he's the only person who has ever said they were proud of me. I'm just scared i'm not going to be around one day and he's going to end it.
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 12th 2010, 08:54 AM

i understand that he's going through a lot. But just remember that whatever he's going through.. however he's feeling.. love and comfort can and will definitely overcome it. and i think that everything will definitely get better.

This means that you have to help him overcome whatever bad feelings that he's going through. no matter what happens, i believe that if you support him all the way, and rebuild his happiness as well as keep showering him with comfort, good advice and love, i'm definitely sure that things can and will get better.

Keep doing whatever you're doing.. i sense that you're doing your best. and it's definitely going to work


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Re: how can i help him? - May 13th 2010, 12:35 AM

Maybe an idea would be to organise a time when you would phone him once a week or so just to chat and check up on each other. If he doesn't know about your eating disorder and self-harm, I would tell him as this could show him that you trust him and increase the chances of him being willing to talk to you about his problems.

The idea behind phoning him on a regular basis is that you can both "check up" on each other and this way he will have a reason not to try again (ie. "I shouldn't kill myslef because my sister will phone me in X days and I don't want to upset her"). Essentially, you should just let your brother that you are there for him without judging him and that if he needs, he can talk to you whenever he wants.

Tell him that you're proud of him for getting as far in life as he has done. Let him know that you respect him and tell him how much he means to you. This can help reduce the chance of him doing it again and also improve your relationship with him. Just let him know what he means to you x
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 13th 2010, 04:04 AM

i'm too afraid to tell him that i have an eating disorder and self-harm, i'm scared that he will be disappointed in me. i dont think i could handle the only person in my family who actually believes in me to become disappointed in me as well.

but i'll deff talk to him and try and plan a time that we can talk every week.
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 13th 2010, 09:20 AM

just remember to talk to him as often and support him as much as possible he'll be very thankful for that.

hope i helped.


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Re: how can i help him? - May 14th 2010, 02:24 AM

thanks. we talked today for a lil bit. he seemed a bit distracted though...but at least he was talking with me.
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 14th 2010, 06:15 AM

just keep talking to him.. he needs to know that he doesnt have to take the burden alone. The knowledge of having someone to support him is definitely a good way to start making everything better.


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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Re: how can i help him? - May 14th 2010, 07:31 PM

Thanks so much for all the help. my brother asked me how i dealt with everything i've been through. he's always known i've been depressed. We talked for quite sometime. He's getting help, and I can't wait to tell him next week that because he was able to seek help that I finally got the courage to talk to someone about it. Kinda weird though; I had an appointment with the neurologist today and i actually talked with him; so now i'm on antidepressants and he's getting me some help as well.
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 14th 2010, 09:36 PM

great that the both of you are helping each other out i think that now stuff is going to get better from now on. proud of you for managing to get through this... remember you always can count on us!


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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Re: how can i help him? - May 14th 2010, 11:07 PM

thank you. i know it's not going to be easy...but my doctor told me asking for help was the hardest part to overcome.
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 15th 2010, 09:06 AM

but just remember that you can overcome it. Never for once think that you cant..


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Re: how can i help him? - May 17th 2010, 04:16 AM

my brother is coming home soon. he says we can help eachother when he gets back. ...but i keep thinking maybe i shouldn't have told anyone about my problems... did i make the right choice? i don't know if i can trust myself to have made the right choice. also i keep thinking of stopping taking my pills. they make me tired, feel like im numb and in a fog...
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 17th 2010, 08:03 AM

i think that you made the right choice. keeping your problems to yourself is never a good step.. letting yourself speak out ant rant is a good outlet to solve everything

i think that stuff will start getting better .. and i agree that there are better way of handling matters than the pills.


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Re: how can i help him? - May 17th 2010, 09:57 PM

thanks...i guess i just needed someone to tell me i did make the right choice. to me i don't know if i make right choices because i don't know if i can trust myself most days. I hate pills to be honest...my friend nick told me to give them a try for a few weeks and if i still don't think they are helping any to talk to my doctor before stopping them.
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 18th 2010, 01:23 AM

i dont know.. but i think that maybe you should try the other methods i mentioned earlier first those might help. anything which can calm you down like a good book or maybe just something you like is fine. =) and those are probably better than pills in a good way!


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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Re: how can i help him? - May 18th 2010, 01:25 AM

...i love reading ...it used to be my escape from reality when i was little...things have been so crazy in my life that i haven't picked up a book and read it other than for school in a long time...i used to get lost in books is how my teachers put it.
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 18th 2010, 02:48 AM

then now it might be a good time to start a lot of good books have probably came out since the last time you read. =)


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Re: how can i help him? - May 18th 2010, 03:04 AM

the best way to help your brother, is to give him the help and support he needs. just let him no you love him

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Re: how can i help him? - May 18th 2010, 05:28 AM

i love my brother more than anything. he may be older but i've spent my entire life looking after him. i don't know what i would do without him. and yea maybe i will start reading. i suppose it's probably one of the most healthiest and safest ways to escape reality.
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 18th 2010, 12:40 PM

thats a good thing =) and respect to you for being such a good sister. I'm sure that if i were your brother, i'd be proud of you!


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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Re: how can i help him? - May 19th 2010, 12:49 PM

but can i really help him if i'm afraid of myself?
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 19th 2010, 02:47 PM

i think that you can overcome your fear of yourself.. first thing you have to learn is that you are wonderful that way you are. There is definitely nothing to fear from someone that is wonderful..

I think that you definitely are someone who is better than you think you are. =) and YES. you can help him.


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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Re: how can i help him? - May 19th 2010, 09:36 PM

thank you. i'm not used to people telling me that.
   
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Re: how can i help him? - May 20th 2010, 07:02 AM

i'm just saying the truth . that is all.=)


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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