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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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duckiedancer Offline
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Advise Please. - May 24th 2010, 10:47 PM

So here is my story:
I had everything a girl could dream for in the social area... I had three best friends that I could tell them anything. I did something to one of them and then everyone just judged me and completely closed me out. I used to be able to share my feelings and have a normal conversation, but now that has all changed. I started bulimia and did that for three months, but convinced myself that it was wrong and someone would eventually find out so I quit that. But then, I needed something. So I started sh, and soon I found myself in this black hole that was spiraling and I couldn't stop. I recently went on a trip with my school and I happened to share the room with my old two best friends, I started crying, and they asked what was wrong. I said that you guys would think of me as a freak, and then the friend that I hurt said that I was emo and that I cut (although most people think that emo is all black, I never wore all black). That one friend was right on and then I said yes and I said it was because I hurt her so bad, she then started crying. On top of that, I said that I was getting better and not to tell anyone. They still haven't told anyone. On top of that, one girl noticed and I just completely lied, I didn't want anyone to know. In addition, this one guy told me he's depressed, I gave him the yellow ribbon card and told him to take it to the principal, but she did absolutely nothing. I told him what was going on with me and he hasn't told anyone. I also am a straight a student and if I get one wrong on a test, I go cut myself. In addition, one of my teacher's has bipolar and she forgot to take her medicine for one day and all she did was give out candy and be excited. Because of this, my school forced her to take a leave and she was one of my favorite teachers. I do so much and I receive no compliments (i have absolutely no confidence), no attention, no gratitude, no appreciation, no nothing. I have been considering killing myself for one year, but haven't followed through with it yet. Please give me some advise or something, I need help.
P.S. I still haven't told my parents, brother, or anyone else. The only people I told were that guy and my old best friends. And sorry for my grammar and for how long it is.
   
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Anya_Bananya Offline
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Re: Advise Please. - May 26th 2010, 11:22 PM

No appologies are nessesary Duckie, you obviously are frustrated and needing some help. When I get frustrated like you seem to be, I never even think about grammar or spelling.

Anyway, its good of you to write here on TH. You are never alone in this because we are a huge group of friends and supporters, even if we've never met you or even posted on one of your threads before.

It soudns like you've been through a good deal of friend drama that has really affected you. Having good friends is very important to just about everyone, so it's understandable that you're feeling very alone and depressed. Not having a favorite teacher around can be tough, esspecially if you don't have a friend network to support you.

I've heard of this yellow ribbon program and didn't think it was something that would work very well - I'm glad you tried to help that boy, but am really sorry that the principal totally ignored the situation. Is there anyone else at the school that you would trust to talk to? Like the guidance counselor, the nurse, gym teacher, music teacher, art teacher, any teacher, or even a secretary type person? If so, please go let that person know about your friend, and then maybe you can let them know how you feel as well.

It's important for you to find someone you can confide in, someone you can share your thoughts with, no matter how deep and dark they may be.

I used to cut, and still struggle not to. It's harmful and dangerous. If you can find some other way to deal with your feelings, you'll be much better off. It's good that you quit the bulimia as it is VERY harmful as well. One thing you should realize about cutting is that each time you make a cut, it leaves a scar. And that scar won't likely fade or go away. You'll still have those scars with you when your old and grey...if you write in a journal, call someone, go run, take a shower, or turn on music you won't create a lasting reminder of your pain. Not having that reminder will be more beneficial later in life and right now when you are trying to deal with and move past the pain.

If you think you are really suicidal, please do yourself the favor of calling the emergency crew or going to a hospital. If you aren't in immediate danger of hurting yourself, then think about trying to find a counselor to talk to. I'm assuming you are in High School, so in order to find a counselor you may need to go through your school guidance counselor (if he/she is helpful) or let your parents know you just need someone to talk to. you don't have to go into all the details. I know it's scary to have to let your parents know you need help, but chances are they have noticed how unhappy you are and will be relieved that they can do something to help you feel better.

Reaching out for help on here was a great first step, but now try to take the next step and ask someone who can be near you and speak to you face to face to help you. It's a chance and requiers trust, but in the end, i think you'll find that it was worth the risk. And remember, me and the rest of TH are here for you, we've all got your back.

send me a message if you want to or need to,
~Anna~


"Every day is new, there are no mistakes in it yet." - Miss Stacy, Anne of Green Gables


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Re: Advise Please. - May 27th 2010, 03:16 AM

U dont need to apologize for that.. I went throu something similiar but it was with my five bestfriends and up to now neither any of them are talkin to me && this is from last yr summer.. If u need someone to talk to about all of this just let me kno


ღ▫You'll never leave where you are until [you] decide where you'd rather be▫ღ
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Re: Advise Please. - May 29th 2010, 02:01 AM

First off, thank you both for replying. I cannot really tell anyone at my school because they wouldn't understand, or I could never trust them. I thought I could stop cutting and went a full two days with nothing, but then I wasn't included or cared about on this one activity, so I scratched myself till I bleed. I will try writing in a journal, but as for telling my parents, I think I'll skip on that one. I don't think they will ever understand.
   
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Re: Advise Please. - June 11th 2010, 06:54 PM

I can understand you not wanting to talk with anyone at your school, obviously they didn't care enough to support your friend so why should you trust any of them with your secrets, right? But your parents are your parents. I always thought my mom wouldn't understand. I thought no one could or would understand because I thought my situation was an exception to the norm...that no one else could possibly be dealing with or have dealt with anything like I was. I didn't know how wrong I was until I got up the nerve to talk to someone. Yes, there were certain details specific to me, but in reality I was not at all alone with dealing with divorce, cutting, etc, etc, etc......

I told my mom about the cutting one night and it was hard, I told her I didn't want to discuss it in detail, I just needed her to know something about me and to help me find a way to deal with it. I was 22 years old - it took me from the time I was 14 till the time I was 22 to be able to face her. It wasn't easy. I know she still has questions, and i know she really doesn't fully understand what made me cut myself but what matters is that she was willing to just help me help myself.

Now, I don't know your parents or what kind of relationship you have with them, but if you can trust one of them enough to just tell them that you need to find someone who can help you then you can give yourself the help you need. I'm not saying to tell about the bulimia, the cutting, the depression, or the problems you're having with friends, just be vague and tell them that you need to talk about it but you can't talk with them just yet. You may never be able to or want to talk with them about it and that's ok, but what you need to do is get them to understand that you have come to terms with the fact that you have some problems, that you admit you have some problems, and that you want to find help in solving those problems.

If you really can't or don't think your parents will be able to help you find a counselor or someone like that, then you've got to think really hard about who in your life right now could help you find a solution. If there is absolutly no one, then you could always call someplace like a suicide hotline and just tell them that while you aren't currently thinking of suicide, you sometimes do and you need help finding someone to talk to. I've done that before and it works. They can put you in contact with a local counselor who can help you. If money is an issue, they can generally find a county or town employee who offers such services for free. The only issue would be transportation to and from a counselor.

Seriously though, no matter how much time it takes you and no matter what amount of trust and courage you have to dredge up, asking for help is the hardest and most important thing you could do right now. Take it from someone who went years battling stuff alone, you don't have to do it alone. There are people you can trust out there. Not everyone will judge you for your feelings and actions. There are people who genuinly want to help and are willing to be on your side. All you have to do is ask for their help (and yes, I realise that saying this is easier than it is to do). I have faith in your strength.

Let me know if I can help.
~A~


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Re: Advise Please. - June 11th 2010, 10:45 PM

Thank you, I just had this one party at my school and we are leaving this school. Everyone apologized to me and everything and I thought I was feeling great. But then, I finally kissed this one guy that is also depressed (it was my first kiss). People have been spreading rumors about us, that we are dating, and we aren't. In addition, people have been saying stuff that is extremely hurtful and it's like what happened to the apologizes. My parents found out about me kissing him and they lectured me on it. It was awkward, so I don't think that I will ever be able to tell them.
On top of all that, some people at my school went to the principal and said that I was cutting myself (I still don't know who it is). The principal called my mom, and my mom said that I wasn't. I just lied again. I just don't know what to do. Thank you again Anna.
   
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Re: Advise Please. - June 14th 2010, 10:55 PM

You have really unique opportunity here...and you probably won't see it as that right now, but believe me. You've got a friend who cares enough about you to tell the principal about your cutting...they saved you the awkwardness of havign to start up a conversation in which you admit to the cutting. Now, if you feel that you can, you can go to that principal and tell him your mom made a mistake...that whoever told him your situation was right. And then you can ask him for help. Let him know you're not quite ready to face telling your parents but that you do want to find some help. I think this will give you the opportunity to be connected with a counselor. Yes, you run this risk of him telling your parents anyway, but it sounds like they aren't ready to believe that you are cutting so they will probably keep denying it.

As for the boy, well it's normal for parents to lectrue kids when they get their first kiss...mine did. I was 19 and in college and i told my mom...she freaked otu with the "sex talk" and I had to explain to her that it was only a kiss. Parent's just care too much, almost to a fulat some times so they freak out when they shouldn't. DOn't let it hurt the relationship you may having going with this boy if you want to continue seeign him. It actually might be good for you to have a close friend these days.

Just keep your chin up and really try to find someone whom you can confide in. I promise you it will help.


write anytime.

~A~


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Re: Advise Please. - June 15th 2010, 07:29 PM

First off, school is over, and I probably will never see that principal again. The problem with this boy is that he is a foreign exchange student and he will never know the truth, because people spread rumors and he believed them. (he already left and that's why I think my depression is coming back) Thank you for replying again, you give me hope.
   
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