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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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LunaInTheSun Offline
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The Start of My fight - May 30th 2010, 11:58 PM

I guess I should share the start of were My depression began. I am not comfortable enough to post my full story yet, but I am ready to explain the beginning.


It started 6 years ago when I was 13 years old. I was in 8th grade. It was October 16th 2004. It was now 9:10pm and we had gotten a phone call from my Uncle Nick. My mom answered the phone, I was in the kitchen making a bagel. Then, 9:16pm comes around, I hear the words from my mother "If that's the case I am going to get a divorce" I stopped what I was doing, and Froze for a second.

December 25th 2004 comes around and its Christmas morning. Our house is happy and cheerful. My father comes into the computer room and is like "Do you know whats happening between me and mom?" and I said "no" My father told me that he would speak to me later on. But he never did. That was the last time I would hear and see my father... untill later on...

January 11th 2005 - I was now 14, I come home from school and notice that our TV, coffee machine, excersie machine is missing. When my mother and brother come from work that evening I ask what happened? My mother says "You're father doesn't live here anymore" My eyes widened and I stood there, in silence. I didn't shed a tear. I didn't cry, I couldn't cry.

May 16th 2005 - The grade 8s in my school around this time take place in something called "A Confirmation" and that night when we ere at the church. When I was standing up at the front with the priest. When my family was taking their pictures and such I noticed my father in the back. After it had ended I told my mother I was going with my father for a few minutes. I ran to him and hugged him. He had parked far far away from the front door of the church so he could explain some things to me. First off he gave me 50$'s and told me that was all he could afford. Then, what he said next still plays in my mind to this very day. He told me " I want you to know that I don't love your mother anymore, I haven't loved her for a bit now. I have a girlfriend now, someone who I truly love, someone important." I stared at him in shock and then I started crying, he told me to "Stop crying, you are too young to understand what Love is, you don't know what love is" He drove me back to the church and left me their with my Aunt and Uncle to take me home.

... .... ... .. That coming October would have been their 25th wedding anniversary .. .. .. ... .. ... ..


August 15th 2005 - My father calls the house and asks if I wanted to spend the whole day with him. I said of course! So the next day, August 16th, My father picked me up, what I saw next I will never forget. A family friend, holding a baby girl....a little girl who looked just like me what I was a baby. It then hit me, my father had an affair with a family friend and now had a new baby girl. I sat down in the drivers seat and he said "This is Isabella, your half-sister, I want you to treat her with love and respect. He is half your blood and I want you to be the best big sister to her. " That whole day it was nothing but him interacting with his new family. Him showing love and respect, I got little time with my father. He would even sit down to family dinners with the new family....something he never did with us.

I felt betrayed, Abandoned, replaced. My dad loved his little girl, the new baby looked like she was so happy...


..That was the last time I ever saw my father, I have never seen him again since that day. I held my emotions in for too long and never cried about it. Untill two years ago, when I was 17 years old, My battle with depression began...

Over the past 6 years of my life, many many many things have happened. This is one of the things.

This, is one of the reasons why I have abandonment Issues.
   
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Re: The Start of My fight - May 31st 2010, 03:46 AM

im so sorry. that must b hard 2 go through. although my parents r still 2gether, my mom has told me that she hates my dad and plans 2 divorce him as soon as my brothers and i all move out. i was 12 wen she 1st told me and i dont think she has told him of her plans yet. it hurts me 2 think about. sumtimes i just wish they'd split up now or shut up.
   
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Re: The Start of My fight - June 1st 2010, 03:30 AM

It is hard I mean my father betrayed us...and really its effected me the most.
   
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Re: The Start of My fight - June 1st 2010, 08:21 AM

I know this must have been a lot to deal with from such an early age. But look, you've survived it despite depression, and that's something to be proud of.

Has you father ever tried to contact, or stay in contact with you? Maybe councelling could be an issue? It could help, that's if you don't go already. But by keeping inside for so long, they can begin to eat you away, which sounds like what is happening to you now. By talking, well you can let your emotion out, and begin to deal with what has happened.

You shouldn't have to suffer in silence! Stay strong <3


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Re: The Start of My fight - June 2nd 2010, 07:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiny_93 View Post
I know this must have been a lot to deal with from such an early age. But look, you've survived it despite depression, and that's something to be proud of.

Has you father ever tried to contact, or stay in contact with you? Maybe councelling could be an issue? It could help, that's if you don't go already. But by keeping inside for so long, they can begin to eat you away, which sounds like what is happening to you now. By talking, well you can let your emotion out, and begin to deal with what has happened.

You shouldn't have to suffer in silence! Stay strong <3
My father has made zero contact with me. Infact he packed up and moved half way across the country with his new family. He also the moved back, he lives an hour away now. But he doesn't remember any of us. He honestly has a new family now. He has a little girl who is "Daddy's little girl" when I never got that. My whole life I have little memory of my father. I knew he doesn't care. He didn't want to pay for child support. He said he could not afford it. Because he was too busy spoiling his baby.

*sighs*
   
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