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SpiderHan03 Offline
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I hope I die - May 31st 2010, 06:40 AM

Why is it that every guy I have ever trusted has given me a reason not to? I think it's bullshit. Why can't men be who they are? Why can't they fufill their promises. I don't get it.

My daddy (not related). He promised to stop smoking and smoking weed. But I know he still smokes and I think he still smokes weed. He treats me like I'm the most important thing ever but he treats his two oldest biological sons like slaves. He's not everything I thought he was.

My biological father has abused me since I was ten. I'm fifteen now and just finally got to move out. As my parents are getting divorced. And my mom never did shit when he was beating me and telling me I was worth nothing. She never stepped in and told me I was something or saved me from the bruises and the scars.

My on and off boyfriend of over a year left me when I relapsed and cut again. Just when I needed him most. I was sitting in a ER with my aunt because she almost died and he breaks up with me in a text.

I can't even write anymore. I'm getting too upset. I feel like I don't have a single goddamn person who cares enough to be there for me when I'm like this. I won't ever be the same for all the people who have hurt me. I need to live. I need to be cared for.

I need to be loved...

"No matter how bad something is hurting us... sometimes it hurts worse to let it go..."

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Re: I hope I die - May 31st 2010, 06:54 AM

Hey there,

I can understand how you are feeling. I am dealing with the same feelings. Feeling the need to be loved, unconditionally. It seems as if, when we need it most, it evades us. But I truly believe that it will happen for you and me both.

I don't know when it will happen but I believe it will. In life people are going to disappoint and hurt us but every time they do that we learn something and grow stronger. This strength will then carry us through when we are feeling unloved.

It seems like you have been through a lot in your life. You are a survivor. And in my opinion happiness is waiting just around the corner you just cannot give up on it.

Sometimes it is hard to understand everything that has happened to us and to comprehend why we cannot seem to find people to care. But in the end, you haven't done anything wrong and you will find that person. It may come in the form of a family member, a friend or a 'lover' but in the end it will happen you just cannot give up.

You have seen a lot of hurt in your years on earth but if you give up now you will never be able to see the good or feel the happiness and love that is coming your way. Life is always going to be full of hurt and bad things but the happiness, love and good that occurs will far outweigh the bad.

Please hang in there and if you need anything do not hesitate to pm me.


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Re: I hope I die - May 31st 2010, 04:50 PM

Hi there Han,

I am sorry that you are feeling so low right now and it's understandable that you are, considering your situation.

It seems as though you have a lot going on for you right now and it seems that you have had a lot going on for you in the past. It sounds as though things have been difficult and stressful. I think that it's a good thing that you do recognise that these issues have had an impact on your life - recognising the issues means that you can face them, although it may be difficult, and perhaps work your way through them.

Have you talked to anyone, such as a counsellor or a therapist, about how you have been feeling and your past experiences? Talking could help release some of these thoughts and feelings and may be very beneficial to you. You deserve to feel better than this and to feel loved. You will find different people in your life, Han. Not everyone is the same and things can have very positive results. Things can get better for you.

Take care of yourself.
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