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Story of my life. - June 2nd 2010, 03:10 AM

I've been suffering from clinical depression ever since I can remember, and I've recently started taking antidepressants to cope with this. However, today pushed me way beyond my limits.

To start with, I guess I should give you an abridged version of my life story. Since I was born, I've lived alone with my mom. I've never been the type who easily makes friends (as I've had my trust broken many MANY times) so I guess you could consider me an introvert or a loner. I just prefer spending time by myself and living free of the pressures of daily life. Of course, being 17 and all this is a bit of a problem.

My mom has had me spoiled all my life and as a result I'm not very well versed in practical home economics (cooking, cleaning, money managing, etc.) This upsets me more than you could imagine. People even make fun of me due to my failiure to do even the most menial of things correctly (which stems from a huge fear of failiure, which I also attribute to my mom)

So lately I've been wanting to get some more independence and stand on my own feet for once. I suffer from a huge lack of initiative and my mom has called me a slug several times. She's a Puerto rican mother: Loving, caring, nurturing, almost to a fault...but set her off, and God help you. Let me give you an example of how bad this is:

She still lectures me on going to the bathroom properly and refers to it as "pee pee" and "caca". Read that last sentence again if you didn't feel my embarrassment the first time. Moms like to do this to tease their kids but when she does it, it's as if I'm a little child.

So naturally, I try to tell her to stop coddling me like that. We then get into another one of our famous arguments which involves her calling me a slug, loser, parasite, etc. I then finally say, exapserated,
"Can you at least stop telling me how to go to the bathroom? I'm 17 years old! 'pee pee, caca', shut up!"

BAD IDEA.


My mom has a lot of berserk buttons but the one that almost ubiquitously gets her pissed off TO THE MAX is to say the phrase "shut up" in her presence. I didn't even mean it in a "STOP TALKING" way, I meant it in a "Please stop saying things like that" way. Not that it mattered. She still almost broke my head through a mirror.

She then proceeded to scream about how much she hated me and how she wished I wasn't around. It hurt me a lot. This was followed by a thorough ass kicking by her and her telling me that I was going to have to make my own food, make my own money, take myself to school, etc.

Yeah, thanks for teaching me about those things.

Oh, and did I mention that she has a fiance? I'm pretty certain he hates my guts based on how much my mom and I argue, so I'm left feeling like a stranger in my own home.

I'm not exactly the most popular guy in school either. People constantly tell me that I'm too nice and I need to start being a jackoff if I want to make friends/get girls. And give up myself? No thanks. I'm practically a loner at home and at school, and the only confidant I have is my brother (who lives with his wife and three kids 4 hours away from us) whom I'm pretty certain is the only person in the entire world who completely understands me.

So lets do a run down: My mother hates me, I do nothing on the weekends except laze around on the internet and play video games, I barely have any true friends in school because I can't bring myself to trust anyone there and I feel like I'm better off just not trying, I've never been in a relationship, I have no ambition or goals, and my only confidant lives almost 300 miles away with his own life.

If I had any willpower, I'd have killed myself a long time ago.
   
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Re: Story of my life. - June 2nd 2010, 03:13 AM

Hey there and welcome to Teenhelp

Could you not sit your mother down, and explain that her talking to you like a child is making you feel like this, and that you need guidence about money, cooking and all that?





   
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Re: Story of my life. - June 2nd 2010, 03:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyIndia View Post
Hey there and welcome to Teenhelp

Could you not sit your mother down, and explain that her talking to you like a child is making you feel like this, and that you need guidence about money, cooking and all that?
That's exactly what I tried to do today, but she's extremely stubborn. I couldn't even get a word in without turning it into an argument. My brother has told me this is why I have such low self esteem compared to others.
   
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Re: Story of my life. - June 2nd 2010, 03:25 AM

Okay, so sitting her down doesn't work, have you tryed writing her a letter then like go off someplace?

Tell her at the bottom to write back to you, and like leave it under your door or something?





   
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Re: Story of my life. - June 2nd 2010, 03:30 AM

Maybe it would. As long as it didn't involve screaming our lungs out at each other it could work, but she'd still take really drastic measures. Did I mention she wants me out of the house and she hates me?

Because of all of this I just feel crushed sometimes. I constantly have to wonder why I even bother doing anything if I'm just gonna screw it up in the end.
   
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Re: Story of my life. - June 2nd 2010, 03:33 AM

Why does she hate you though?





   
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