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sick of this. - June 5th 2010, 08:44 PM

My mood has been swinging wildly every few days. just a few days ago i vouched i would never commit suicide, no matter what by burning a piece of paper that said suicide in a letting go ceremony of a treatment center i was just released from. now i'm back to questioning life. i feel incredibly detached from reality, i see my face in the mirror and feel no connection. i know logically it's my face but i dont recognize myself. my life is a mess. i was expelled from school, i have to repeat junior year, my parents want to send me away to boarding school, i have zero friends, i'm fat, i'm ugly, i feel like i'm never going to get better. i've been in therapy for 4 years, all different types. i ve been in the hospital 8 times.i'm just kind of done. suicide seems like a casual thing. i know its stupid, but i am itching to cut, itching to hang myself. i'm going to shut up now, but any support would be appreciated.

When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.
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Re: sick of this. - June 5th 2010, 08:52 PM

When things get bad for me. When I don't like life. I always try and think well if I'm not happy with whats happening in my life, I'll change something. You keep chopping and changing your life and trying different things to find something that makes you feel happy. Something that brings you back to reality and yourself. You can't change the rest of the world. Only your bit of it. I know its hard when it feels like you're brain and heart and going off without you, and you can't control your feelings...But you just breathe. Sometimes if you have no energy for anything else, all you can do is breathe, bite your lip, lift your head high and carry on. Life is shit, it always has been and it always will be. But it also has its beautiful parts. You need to start loving yourself before you can enjoy life. Its going to be a long road, but it'll be worth it.

I promise.
Just keep going, the harder you fight the stronger you become.

If the world is a cold place
Make it your business to start some fires

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Re: sick of this. - June 6th 2010, 12:14 AM

Megan, you've been strong enough to get past this before, and I believe you can do it again. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk, though.

Dare to be Different, to be Weird, to be a Freak.
Overall, Dare to be yourself.

Stamp Out Prejudice Hatred and Intolerance Everywhere
The Sophie Lancaster Foundation

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