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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Camei Offline
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un-motivated, depressed and worthless.. - June 8th 2010, 03:32 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Today my mom called me useless, it really hurts.
I used to cry every single day back when I had my own room, but when my sister moved back I had to share rooms with her, so I'm keeping a straight face till she asks me to turn off the lights.
I don't like crying infront of her cause it makes her cry as well, and I don't like crying in front of my mom cause she'll just tell me to suck it up. That's very nice for someone who helps people with their problems for a living.

She's called me everything negative already, Stupid, Fat, Lazy, Coward, Emo, Pathetic, But non of them hit me untill she said I was useless.
It made me realize that I am, I am too un-motivated for school, I'm homeschool and I don't even do it. I don't have a life outside my Laptop. Whenever my old classmates ask me to hang out with them I always can't.
I can't take care of myself. I have the world's lowest self esteem, its so low I can't even go to a retail store and ask for a shirt with my size on it.
It took me an hour to dig up the courage to make this post, knowing I've got nothing to lose.

I really just don't have nothing to live for, I constantly stand inside the kitchen and stare blankly into something, my sister thinks I'm always hungry, she doesn't know I stare at her knives, thinking whether or not I should kill myself.
I feel like its best for me to die so I wouldn't be a burden anymore, sure my family will grieve for awhile, but after awhile, I know their gonna live a lighter life.
   
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Re: un-motivated, depressed and worthless.. - June 8th 2010, 04:46 PM

Lack of motivation can really be a pain, I have that a lot myself and end up having to force myself to do more productive things. =/ I doubt your mothers attitude is helping either, it's usually a lot easier to get motivated when people encourage or support you. Negative remarks can be really bad for your confidence.

Maybe trying to go out with your friends when they ask you, or talking to them about your feelings might help. Having fun with friends and talking when things are on your mind can help quite a lot. Try sharing some of your interests and hobbies with others and get some support and opinions on things you do, which might help your motivation.

And you definitely aren't worthless. Low self esteem can be hard to get past, but you honestly seem like a nice person and you really need to be less hard on yourself. You'll find you're a much better person than you might believe. Really hope things get better for you and good luck!


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Camei Offline
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Re: un-motivated, depressed and worthless.. - June 8th 2010, 05:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkSeph View Post
Really hope things get better for you and good luck!
Hey, Thank you for taking time on reading and replying to my post, I really appreciate it.
It made me feel a whole lot better


Feel free to PM me, I'd love to meet new friends; and whenever you're lonely or need someone to talk to, Message me and I'll keep you company and listen to you with an open mind and an open heart.
   
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Re: un-motivated, depressed and worthless.. - June 8th 2010, 06:10 PM

Parents have a way of hurting us in a way that no one else can, and I don't think they always realize exactly what they're doing to us emotionally. Also, if that was the way they were raised; harsh criticism, and not much affection they most likely think it is normal behavior. Parents also think your friends or other children are much better then us.

I know where you're coming from... I never finished high school until I was 19. I couldn't show up to school and when I applied to be home schooled I only received it for a couple credits. I finished high school, college and university now. Everyone takes a different route through life and that is what makes life so special.

Self-esteem issues are extremely hard to deal with. I still haven't learned to deal with my self-esteem issues but it's getting better as time goes on. I'm getting much more comfortable with my body and I'm inching closer and closer to finally hitting up the beach and just enjoying myself.

Coming here after all the disrespect you've been shown by your mother and coming for help is the first step towards rebuilding your self-esteem and it shows you're a strong person. Almost everyone loves their parents and that is why their words hurt us so badly.

You're still young, you have a lot of life left to enjoy. Those knives will not bring you any kind of happiness for you, nor your family. There's a thread about things that make us happy - whenever you have negative thoughts think about all the things that you will miss out on in life.

You're a special person and I sincerely doubt anyone would be relived if you left this earth prematurely. Life is all about struggling, and then those few special moments in life where it makes up for your struggles.
   
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