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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Question Confused - June 14th 2010, 11:25 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Lately, I've been feeling really down and started cutting myself again, but this time I've been using pen lids. The marks they leave look as though I've burnt myself. I got really scared because the day before I was scratching my wrist with a needle and it started to. I showed my teacher, the marks I had, he said he wouldn't tell anyone, but he did because it was his job to do so. Now, i feel even worse, cause I've put him in this position. But it felt really good, and I cant stop. My friends have seen my marks and have started to guilt trip saying that I'm letting them down and that it's my fault they feel miserable when I'm around. My mum doesn't understand me, and just thinks I'm in some mood that i should just snap out of it. Now I'm thinking, that I should just kill myself, I mean who would even care if I die? But I'm afraid that if I do try to kill myself that I'm just going to fail at it, like I fail at everything in life.

I'm sorry that this is so long. But would appreciate any advice anyone has.

Last edited by Whisperer; June 17th 2010 at 08:41 PM. Reason: Marked as triggering
   
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Re: Confused - June 14th 2010, 12:42 PM

Okay well let me start by saying a LOT of people would care if you killed yourself. Try not to think that no one would miss you, or that they wouldn't care, because they would and do care about you.

You should try to get yourself some help because cutting becomes a habit, and even though it might feel like it's helping you now, there are better ways to make yourself feel better. Showing your teacher was a good thing, because he can help you get the help you need right now

Maybe you should try talking to your mum about how you're feeling, and try to get her to understand that it's serious and not just a mood or phase that you're in. She might just be hoping that it is just a phase because she wants to believe you'll get over it pretty quickly because she loves you.

Open yourself up to getting help. It's hard to deal with these things alone.

If you need anything feel free to PM me anytime
Take care
   
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Re: Confused - June 14th 2010, 01:02 PM

Hey

I’m sorry you’ve started to feel down again.
Cutting is really not a good way to deal with your emotions so it’s really worth trying to stop. You say you’ve started cutting again so you’ve obviously managed to stop in the past which is great.

You might find it helpful to find other things to do to distract you when you feel the urge to cut. I think that your teacher knowing is a good thing. Although you didn’t want your teacher to tell anyone, now that people know about how you’re feeling hopefully they’ll be able to help. Your teacher might be able to sort a counsellor out for you or something similar. Maybe you could talk to him about it? The more support you can get the better.

It sounds like you’re in a difficult position with your friends aswell. I’m sure your friends are worried about you so that may be why they’re reacting like they are. They might not understand why you’re doing it either so it might help if you explain to them a bit more about how you’re feeling.

Talking to your mum might help the situation aswell. She might not know how bad you’re feeling and if you talk to her about it then hopefully she’ll be more supportive.
Killing yourself is definitely not the answer though. There will be a reason why you’re feeling so unhappy and even if you don’t know what that reason is, there are still things you can do to make yourself feel better. If you’re feeling suicidal then it’s really important that someone knows; there are people that will be able to help you but they have to know that you’re struggling. Like Danni has said ALOT of people love you and people would care if you killed yourself. You're really special to alot of people.

Hope you start to feel better
PM me if you want to talk.
Vicky x



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Re: Confused - June 14th 2010, 08:51 PM

I've had so many suicidal thoughts in the past, but you know what. It's not worth it. Why let them win? What you do is try and snap out of it and get some help. Out some prozac down ur mouth and try to deal. I've been trying to deal for a year and a half and now im getting better.

Sorry i'm being strict but it's the only way you can get through to people
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Re: Confused - June 16th 2010, 09:03 AM

I have tried distracting myself but its no good. I cant tell my mum, because my prical did and mum didnt care, but when she saw them herself she was really angry plus we dont have that great of a realtionship anyway.

But thanks so much for the advice, each of you have given me
   
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Re: Confused - June 16th 2010, 09:17 AM

How are you doing at the moment?


"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

Paramore! <3
Pm me anytime, I like to help!
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Re: Confused - June 16th 2010, 09:22 AM

not to good. My friends have been bitching about me behind my back. And I'm just in this "I dont care anymore" kind of mood
   
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Re: Confused - June 16th 2010, 09:42 AM

i've been in that mood before, it sucks.
Just try to focus on each day as it comes. I'm here if you want to talk, just drop me a PM or VM xxxx


"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

Paramore! <3
Pm me anytime, I like to help!
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Re: Confused - June 16th 2010, 11:35 PM

it's not that easy, each day this week I have had stupid exams and mum just found out that I've failed maths. Shes been telling me to drop out, but I dont want to. I've tried to look on the bright side as well but its getting harder and harder too. And although I want to talk about it, Im finding it harder to do aswell, because the one person I tried to talk to and thought I could trust ended up betraying me.
   
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Re: Confused - June 17th 2010, 08:33 AM

sorry to hear you have been betrayed, you can trust me, I wont betray you
i have exams too, they suck big time! Could you try giving yourself something to look forward to each day? such as eating your favourite food or listening to your favourite song at the end of the day or something? may make it easier to get through the days then xxx


"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

Paramore! <3
Pm me anytime, I like to help!
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Re: Confused - June 17th 2010, 11:28 PM

There nothing much that I like looking forward to at the end of the day. I try listening to my favourite songs before school, during lunch and after school, but it just still makes me feel like crap.

I've recently been talking to a counsellor at kids help line and they said that I might need professional help. . But, I'm afraid to get because it will affect my career, even by talking on here. See, I really want to be a pilot in the air force. So, now I'm pretty much screwed any way I look at it. Since, I felt like complete shit, I decide to write a pro and con list for suicide and at the moment they’re pretty much even. I feel really tempted.
   
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