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Kiddo Offline
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Name: Stevie
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Just a rant.... - June 18th 2010, 01:00 AM

I can't decided whether it's because I've grown out of my "goth/emo" phase, or because I've been so busy....but I sort of thought the depressive part of me was gone.
Actually, no I didn't. But I think I just tried to ignore it.

Because, thinking about it properly, I still get that aching pang in my stomach. That little twist of loneliness(?), misery(?)...I don't know what it is.
That moment just before I drag myself out of bed of thinking "I could just stay here, not eat, not move, not wash, not think....just stay here and expire".
And I still get that horribly sudden wash of misery that feels like someone has poured hot wax into my lungs, the bottom falls out of my stomach and I can hear the blood rushing in my ears, and all I want to do is run away and cry.

But I don't.

I ignore it. I don't let myself indulge in it as much as I used to...simply because it was the thing that haunted my adolescence, and so it feels somehow childish to wallow in it now.
Sometimes I think everyone must get it, and I'm just pathetic at dealing with it. Then sometimes I look at other people being all 'normal' and wondering why I can't be like that too.
Why can't I just cheer the hell up? I've got nothing to be upset about.

Literally nothing.

God, what a spoilt cow I must sound like...everything is perfect, apart from the fact that I'm fucking miserable.
   
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Re: Just a rant.... - June 18th 2010, 09:16 PM

Hey Stevie. I'm sorry you're feeling so miserable. It's really good that you urge yourself to get up and go about your day; sometimes lying in bed doing nothing can aggravate depression. In that sense, ignoring it can be a positive thing.

However, you should not ignore the fact that you are still feeling plagued, despite being able to function. Have you ever considered counseling for this?

Take care!
   
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DarkSeph Offline
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Re: Just a rant.... - June 18th 2010, 09:40 PM

If you're feeling depressed then everything isn't perfect at all. Don't feel bad for being depressed. Feeling upset is not your fault, you don't have to find a "valid reason" either. If you're feeling upset then you deserve support the same as everyone else.

If there's a little twist of loneliness, maybe spend more time with friends or find something to do that you enjoy. Staying inactive can worsen depression, because you start to feel bad for it, then you start disliking yourself, which makes you feel worse, which makes you feel bad for feeling worse...and so on, if that makes sense ^^ Don't feel bad for feeling down, look for as much help and support as you need, you deserve it as much as anyone, and be confident in yourself.


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