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VampirePrincess Offline
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Feeling very unwanted... :( - June 20th 2010, 07:10 AM

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I've been feeling kind of down lately because my old insecurities have popped back up. I had cured myself of them for a while, but I guess that wasn't permanent. Every second of the day I am doubting myself and everything else, and I am afraid it will lead me down terrible paths.

Tonight, I'm mostly feeling really unwanted.

This kind of started like 2 weeks ago, but it got worse when I got my boyfriend mixed up into it. We had some alone time for the first time ever and I decided not to tell him about how I had been feeling (very ugly and most definitely unwanted). I wanted to make myself feel better by letting him do what he wanted to me, without the fear of him possibly only doing things out of pity. I should have just let him do things out of pity. It would have been much better than what happened - which was nothing. He was much more interested in the movie we were watching. I tried everything I could think of and he still only wanted to watch the movie or just talk to me. I thought maybe he was trying for romance. Until his eyes snapped shut at midnight and he instantly fell asleep with his back to me. Didn't even want to hold my hand to help me sleep, and he knows I have severe insomnia.

That made my depression only about 15 million times worse. I know I'm dating someone who can resist all of my advances, which must mean that he's either gay, thinks I'm really ugly, or is cheating on his real girlfriend with me. Or worst of all, this is my fault for telling him several weeks before that I was scared of being raped (as one of my exes tried to do that). So now I'm depressed over all of those possibilities, but I'm also depressed because I feel no one wants me.

I never get compliments from anyone. No one tells me I'm pretty or anything else. I get the "wow you're smart, do my homework for me" kind of compliments that reveal how lazy people are. I get called ugly by random people on the streets but even my parents won't tell me I'm beautiful. And not even people who are desperate, who claim they would have sex with anyone, actually want to have sex with me. And now I'm starting to become one of those desperate people, but I don't think it would hurt me in any way because no one would ever want me. This has turned into the worst case of depression I've ever had, and this is coming from someone who spent 9 months in their own personal looney bin from severe depression. I need to know how to stop feeling so unwanted, so I can stop being this depressed...please help me...

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Re: Feeling very unwanted... :( - June 21st 2010, 11:44 AM

I am in your shoes, dont worry we'll hold hands together. I have got the same feelings as i almost got raped too. and the experiences you just had, im the same. dont think your the only one out of this. Im in too.
Just PM me if you need anything.


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Re: Feeling very unwanted... :( - June 21st 2010, 01:00 PM

I know the feeling of being unwanted and I'm exactly the same. Its awful, and I know its difficult to convince yourself that you're not unwanted, but I think it's one of those things you really really have to work at. Hold on as tight as you can and you can get through this. Everyone will be behind you.
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feeling, unwanted

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