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-   -   Triggering (Suicide): I'm pretty much done. (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t47604-im-pretty-much-done/)

*~Circus Clown~* June 23rd 2010 01:35 AM

I'm pretty much done.
 
Ive been suicidal for 3 days now.

Within those three daysI have managed to kill many friendships. To ruin my job. To make my family pissed at me. And pretty much anything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. And I see no reason to keep fighting.

Truth is, I don't want to die. I want to be happy. I just don't see it happening... :'( I'm such a fuck up. I have therapy tomorrow, and If I don't go she is sening the cops for a "wellness check." Aparently they do that if your therapist is really worried about you. Maybe she should be worried, because I'm worried about me too.

Unfortunately, I can't find anything to stop me. Its like, I'm running a marathon and just jumping over the hertles. Somethings wrong with me and I don't know what to do anymore... :(

hope begins June 23rd 2010 01:48 AM

Re: I'm pretty much done.
 
Hey Lacey, I'm really sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. It's absolutely awful when you feel suicidal - so I just wanted to say, first, well done for continuing to fight this. I'm sorry things have gone so wrong, and I understand that can make everything seem even more overwhelming and impossible to sort out. When you're feeling so low already though, it's often really hard to get things in perspective so it might not be as terrible as you think, there will probably be a way to sort these things out. What's happened with your friends and family and your job? Do any of them know how you're feeling at the moment? Would it be worth trying to explain to them - even if you don't tell them everything, just that you're having some issues and really struggling just now?

It's great that you know you don't want to die - and although I completely understand feeling like you'll never be able to be happy again, I really believe that you will. It probably doesn't help much for me to say that, but seriously, things change all the time, how you feel always changes, you CAN get through this and feel good again. It's not all that long since I genuinely felt that it would be better if I killed myself and now I am just so grateful to be alive. Things really can change.

I'm glad you're seeing your therapist tomorrow and I think she's right to be concerned for you. Please try to be as honest as you can about how bad you're feeling; it's the only way she can help you. Hopefully she'll be able to think of a way to help you through this, and help you stay safe. Do you think you'll be alright until you see her? If you don't think you can look after yourself and be safe, is there someone you can talk to or be with? Even if it's just calling a helpline. You're not alone in this. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Please take care of yourself.

Batman. June 23rd 2010 01:48 AM

Re: I'm pretty much done.
 
Well, what about your boyfriend? I know he loves you and cares about you. And I know you still have friends who care. Hell, I care.

Lacey, everyone hits a rough patch. I know you've had good days, but of course, bad days are going to make you feel hopeless.

I suggest bringing this to the attention of your therapist. Hopefully they can help you figure out some better coping techniques, or try to help you realize that you're better than you think you are. That more people care than you think do. Because I know sometimes it can be hard to believe it, but doesn't mean its not true. And if takes a professional to help you realize such, well, at least they have a better chance.

:hug:

*~Circus Clown~* June 23rd 2010 03:42 PM

Re: I'm pretty much done.
 
Thanks guys. :\ I'm just notdoing so great anymore...

Purple♥Sky June 23rd 2010 06:06 PM

Re: I'm pretty much done.
 
I'm glad to hear that you're in tharapy! I know what its like to be a wreck and destroy everything, I've done that myself and detached myself from everyone and recked my relationship with my boyfriend.
In the end, everything happens for a reason. Maybe your not ment to have that job or those friends anymore.
I know you probably feel desperate and alone...like your falling apart and noone can save you.
But we are here and you are not alone.

Im here to help June 24th 2010 02:37 AM

Re: I'm pretty much done.
 
it will be ok your not a screw up life is worth it

Spicy_ June 24th 2010 03:36 AM

Re: I'm pretty much done.
 
First off all, i admire you for even going to an psychologist. when i was sucidal, i didnt wanna "spill out my life story" to a complete stranger.

But, you cant give up. I admit that i was really close to killing my self. But the only thing that keep me from doing it, was that i didnt wanna hurt my friends and family. Think of all the people that you would hurt, esp your parents, they would take it really hard, and for the rest of there lives they will be blamming them selfs that they couldnt provide you a happy life.

Well, i hope you get better. Take it from me (i literallly been there and done that). Feel free to email me if u need more advice id be happy to give it to you
rmaeda93@gmail.com

hope begins June 25th 2010 12:42 AM

Re: I'm pretty much done.
 
How're you doing now? Did you manage to be honest with your therapist?

I really hope you're alright.

*~Circus Clown~* June 25th 2010 10:02 PM

Re: I'm pretty much done.
 
I'm actually doing much better, thanks. :)
I've managed to pull myself out of my hole and keep going. I got really close to it one night and I'm not sure what kept me from ending it but, I'm glad I didn't. Deep down, I know I want to live, I just wish it wasn't SO far down, ya know?
I was honest with my therapist. She is so understanding too, which is really great. :)

Thanks so much for checking up on me. It means a lot.

hope begins June 25th 2010 10:16 PM

Re: I'm pretty much done.
 
I'm really glad you're feeling a bit better now :)

I'm also glad you managed to stop yourself from doing anything.. I don't know if it's just me but I've found that feeling intensely suicidal is awful and terrifying but thankfully it doesn't usually last too long and eventually I'm always glad I'm still here.. it helps to remember that. I know what you mean, though, it's tough. Well done for managing to be honest with your therapist, that takes a lot of courage, but she sounds lovely.

Take care of yourself, and seriously I'm here if you ever want someone to talk to or anything. I hope things keep getting better.

*~Circus Clown~* June 26th 2010 02:59 AM

Re: I'm pretty much done.
 
Thanks Hannah. You seem like a real sweet heart. :)
Feeling suicidal is completely terrifying. I hate it with a passion. But thanks for the words of encouragement. And, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here as well. :)
http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/7850/hugsw.gif


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