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:'( [Contains some strong language] - June 23rd 2010, 04:22 PM

I am SO sorry there is no prefix. I can't add one for some reason but I'd say this would be SH.

Well, just as I thought everything was okay, it's crashed down again.

Yes, I know I should be beyond happy. I have a loving supportive boyfriend, I get to see most of my favourite bands live on a regular basis (sometimes meet them too), I have decent grades in college...

People think I've got it all therefore I'm not allowed to be unhappy. Quite frankly, I'm miserable. I'm still haunted from being raped, I have autism and bipolar disorder, I'm ugly, my relationship with my parents is absolute shit... I just hate it. I've even started cutting again. I'm doing it deeper than before but somehow, that's no longer enough to relieve my pain so I just finding myself doing it deeper and deeper...

I feel really sorry for my boyfriend. I flashback often and all he can do is hold me in his arms. He's asked me what he can do to help but I really don't have the heart to tell him that there's nothing he can do. Why he chose an insane girl, I don't fucking know.

Last week, at college, I took an overdose. I don't even know why anymore. I didn't intend to die when I was doing so if that makes any sense. Probably not but meh.

"Throw me around, break me, use me, and leave me
Poison me, blind me
Do whatever you want to do
I’m yours to destroy
All I want is to be free"

"Clinging onto lost hope
Trying to find myself again
Am I remembered or forgotten like a passing stranger?"
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: :'( [Contains some strong language] - June 23rd 2010, 05:31 PM

I'm really sorry about everthing. It must be really tough living though all of that.
Everbody gets down, doesn't matter how good of a life they have.
I'm sure your not ugly everbody is beautiful, it just deponds on what they make of themselves.

You boyfriend must not think your insane or maybe he likes it.
Try not being so neagtive on your self. It sounds like you have alot going on.
Of course its going to take along time for you to not be affected from being rape or if you ever won't remeber it. Just don't give up.

What do you want to do in life, what are your hopes & dreams? Everbody has them.
I hope this helps.
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Location: Mid-West

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Join Date: March 1st 2009

Re: :'( [Contains some strong language] - June 23rd 2010, 06:00 PM

I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. Being haunted by the past can be a desperate and lonely experience....
Maybe you can open up to your boyfriend about it. I allways felt that my boyfriend choose a screw up to, but when you open up, he will be there fore you. Don't get down on yourself. You cant help that you have some problems that are not your fault. You just have to fight through it and take it one day at a time.
Try to fill your mind with happy and peaceful thoughts.
I hope that you can open up to your friends and family and let them know you're having such a hard time. They do love you, and will accept you with open arms.

When it comes down to it...You just gotta know who you are...and be ok with that.
I'm here to help...anytime.
And I just want some help in return.
I love you all.

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