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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Miss_Dauntless Offline
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Unhappy Here goes - June 24th 2010, 02:57 PM

So Im knew and I feel abit wierd posting my life story to strangers - What Im going to say here my old social worker/Psychologist doesnt know. And my parents told me I was making it up.

I dont know if this is where I should post this. Im still finding my way around. There is no easy way to say this. I just have to do it....

I was raped. I was beaten and raped. And I cant live with it anymore. I honestly feel like its my fault. And I just want to die. I cant trust anyone anymore, and everyone I meet I always question myself and try figure out their alterior motives.

This has bought on the worst case of depression Ive ever had. I am a cutter, trying to give up but its not easy!!!!!!! The medication they are giving me isnt working, and they just keep giving me more and I dont want to take the pills anymore, and I dont want to go back to the doctors.

I dont know what a group of strangers is going to ba able to do for me but I really need to get this off my chest.

Maybe dying would be a good thing at the moment. Maybe people would beleve somethings wrong. Maybe its my time to go?

Please help me find answers and figure out what to do.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Jackkk Offline
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Re: Here goes - June 24th 2010, 03:21 PM

Hi there, welcome to teenhelp.

First off, thanks for opening up to us all, we may be strangers right now but we will all do our very best to help you. I can't imagine what that must have felt like to go through that and have to deal with it on your own. I know one thing though, it was NOT your fault. You must stop blaming yourself. I can understand you being worried that people may have ulterior motives, once you have been hurt by someone you may have trusted or hurt by anyone atall anybody would start thinking that. It will get better and you will be able to trust people again.

It is definetly NOT your time to go. I'm so glad you reached out to us. I'm sure there are many, many people in your life who care about you, some you may not even realise. And we certainly wouldnt want you to end your life.

May i ask why you didnt tell your social worker you were raped?
Also what tablets did they prescribe you?
Keep holding on - find that strength within yourself. I know some part of you does not want to give up.

Take care,
Jack x


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Take care. xx
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Miss_Dauntless Offline
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Re: Here goes - June 24th 2010, 03:33 PM

When my parents outright laughed at me and told me to grow up and stop playing games and making things up.... I kinda didnt want to tell anyone because thats the reaction Im going to get from people Im ment to be able to trust and talk to.

If he finds out Ive said anything Im in so much trouble. Im making myself physically ill with worry.

I cant carry on my normal life anymore. And I told my social worker to stick her talks where the sun doesnt shine.... putting it nicely. so I cant go back to her and she is the only one in this town. If I didnt go for the walk, and If I had just done what Dad asked and not walked out it wouldnt have happened.

Im not joking when I saw I have no one. When They found out about my depression they walked the other way like it was catching.

Im on Quetiapine (I cant spell it) Melatonim, Citlopram, another antidepressant and anti anxiety pills.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Jackkk Offline
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Re: Here goes - June 24th 2010, 03:50 PM

Yeah i dont agree with the way they reacted. However, i dont think the social worker would have reacted the same way. Its just unfortunate that your parents reacted that way and made you feel like you couldnt tell anyone and be taken seriously. What did you do once they laughed? Did you insist you were not messing around?

How do you know the guy? Has he threatened you because thats how it sounds? I dont blame you for not being able to get on with things. This is an extremely distressing thing for anybody to go through. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. And please, PLEASE stop thinking "if only i did this../didnt do that..." it is extremely destructive.

There is nothing you could have done, you wasnt to know this would happen. The only thing you can change is the future. Try not to keep worrying about what you did in the past and think positively about what you will do in the future!

Well im sorry, but now you have somebody then. I will be here if you need to talk. So thats 1 person who wants to keep you here and im sure there are others too!

I wouldnt recommend stopping the tablets in all honesty. They are to help you get better, like any illness. Doesnt make you any less of a person for taking them, no matter how other people may have reacted.

You WILL get through this. Everybody on this forum has one problem or another, some alot bigger than others, but absolutely none of the problems are worth ending your life over, believe me.

Take care.
Jack x


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Take care. xx
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Here goes - June 24th 2010, 04:04 PM

Yeah and then I was told to "just go, If your going to be like that dont bother about coming home." I dont know the guy but I must have served him on the checkouts at the supermarket I use to work in.

Threaten was an understatement. I talked him out of slitting my throat but if he finds out Ive said anything Im going to be lucky to come out alive.

I could have stopped it. But Im going to have to stop thinking that way otherwise I wont make it to see the morning.

Why do you want to keep me here? To be honest.. You hardly know me from a bar of soap. If I didnt come online again it wouldnt worry anyone here because everyone here is a stranger.

Im going to stay on my tablets because I know what happens when I take myself off them. It isnt fun.

My problem is only a small one compared to others and I dont mean to make it a big deal. I just cant live with it anymore.
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Here goes - June 24th 2010, 04:05 PM

I just dont know why Im trying anymore.
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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Here goes - June 24th 2010, 04:09 PM

I don't know what to say...

I'm so sorry that that happened to you

Don't kill yourself, it would hurt everyone

As Jackkk said before, it really isn't your fault, you've done nothing to deserve that!

We're all here for you, if you want any help to show you around here, or because you want to talk, don't hesitate to VM (visitor message) or PM (private message) me

I wish you all the luck in the world to get through this hard time, it will get better, I promise!


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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Here goes - June 24th 2010, 04:10 PM

I would disagree actually, this is a big problem with which you need help to deal with. Have you considered going to the police?

I want to keep you here because i am a very caring person, and i will be thinking of you. Hoping that you ARE okay. Because i wouldnt want anyone to feel like they are alone in the world. I have been through that with nobody who cares, so if i can make it so that somebody cares for you, then my life is worthwhile. Im trying to make other peoples lives better. To me that is the most important thing in the world.

So please dont say i dont care, i do


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Take care. xx
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Here goes - June 24th 2010, 04:20 PM

I cant go to the police. Im not ment to be talking about this here now.

Sorry I dont mean to instantly assume thats who you are ae. I cant help it

I really need to sleep. I havent for coming up three days and my coffee hit has worn off. Ill reply and sort it out tomorow. IM going to crash on the couch.

Thank you ae.
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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
Jackkk Offline
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Re: Here goes - June 24th 2010, 04:29 PM

No problem, im sure things will make a little more sense once you have got some sleep. Give me a shout if you need me.


If you want to help me,
let me help you.

I will do my best to try and help everyone.
Dont hesitate to PM Me.

Take care. xx
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Here goes - June 25th 2010, 03:52 AM

well i hope to log in tomorrow and have a reply from you. i know what you went through. not the EXACT same situation to a T but i was raped as well and everyone in my school knew it because he bragged...but he also switched up the story so i sounded like a slut. on top of all that my best friend who i'd told dated him. that wrecked me further because i had to choose between keeping her and having to be around him 24-7 or losing her. he took my virginity and traumatized me permanantly. but i forced it from my mind. i talked to no one. and it ate me alive. this is why it is a good thing you put it all out here for us. we may just be ppl speaking to you throught a keyboard but we are better than nothing. there are people here to help in any way we can. your parents' reaction was completely insensitive and horrible. i cant imagine if my own parents had said something so cruel. no offense to them but that was just so very uncalled for...you can make it through this. almost 3 years later i still think of him and what he did. but i refuse to allow him to control me. i refuse to let him win. keep fighting girl. someday he will be nothing but some worthless asshole who made you so much stronger because you survived. thats all you could do was survive and you did. thats quite a feat. im proud of you though you do not know me...i understand. im so sorry you went through it and no one ever should but unfortunately life isnt fair. it has no rules n it plays its own game. but we can make it. you just have to be strong and overcome it. giving up isnt the answer n sleep should help. you need it though he may haunt you through your dreams one day that will change also. you control you. he cant. push him from your mind. slowly but surely it will happen and you will feel stronger because you won. that makes each day easier.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Here goes - June 25th 2010, 06:04 AM

Wow, by telling only us this and not anyone else, makes me want to answer this.

First off, When you got rapped, remember it's not your fault that you got raped, dont blame your self, its never your fault. It's common for rape to lead to depression, but don't let this weigh you down.

Although i would really want to help you, I think its better that you talk to your conselor, or the police about it. You need to stop the guy before he rapes someone else. Going to a Psychologist also gives you proffesional advice something that you really can't find here.


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  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Here goes - June 26th 2010, 08:38 AM

Sonic was logged in here, Shes in hospital due to OD. Dont know if she is going to wake up. Really upset I had to find out like this but now I can help. Thanks for your help ae.
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