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I can't help her anymore... is this too brutal??? - June 29th 2010, 03:28 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

My gf of two years has been struggling with depression and anxiety for a year now. It's really taken a toll on our relationship in the past six months to the point where I just can't handle it anymore. Her depression has been taking up our whole relationship. Everything is always focused on her. I'm at the point where I feel like I can't help her at all now. I've tried everything to help her but most of the ideas I've given her she's just rejected without even trying. I've actually run out of ideas now and I can't deal with her depression anymore. I've kind of said to her that I can't help her now, and that she has to do it herself. I'm trying to take a more stern approach, telling her we're breaking up if she doesn't sort herself out. I'm not sure if this is the best thing to be doing for her but I can't handle her depression anymore. It takes up so much of my time trying to help her and sort her out and so often I feel like she's doing nothing for herself, she's not even trying. I've said to her that she has to try, she has to come up with her own ideas now and she has to sort it or we're breaking up. Do you think this is too harsh??


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Re: I can't help her anymore... is this too brutal??? - June 29th 2010, 03:40 AM

I think that instead of saying that she has to "get herself together" maybe you can tell her that if she doesnt take steps towards getting herself help that you will have to break up with her. Because she wont be able to change right away. Its going to take steps to get there. But dont tell her that unless you are willing to stick around while she is taking those steps. Its not too harsh to tell her that. Ive had to say similar stuff to my boyfriend to get him motivated to get help. But the thing is that if you arent going to go through with leaving her if she wont get help then its not worth doing it either.
It is probably going to hurt her but she may need that push to get herself the help that she needs. I think that you are doing the right thing for yourself and the relationship cause you cant stay in a relationship that your not happy with.


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Re: I can't help her anymore... is this too brutal??? - June 29th 2010, 03:40 AM

sometimes when you feel like that, you cant help yourself, even if you want. sometimes you need to lean on other people because you cant count on yourself. iv been on the other side of this...i put too much of a burden on my best friend, and she didnt want anything to do with me after a while...and when somthing like that happens when your in that state of mind, i compleatly broke down. i couldnt do anything cause i had no one and couldnt help myself no matter how much i needed too... i dont know if this helps, but kinda the other side...


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Re: I can't help her anymore... is this too brutal??? - June 29th 2010, 03:55 AM

Hmmm yeah... I'm just not sure what the best approach is because now I feel like I really just can't help her anymore, I can't be there for her like I have been. I don't have the time, energy or motivation to give her the time. I just feel like she's not even trying. I've been trying so hard for a year to help her but I feel like I'm the only one giving and she's not even trying back.


Ever mind the Rule of Three: Three times what thou givest returns to thee: This lesson well, thou must learn: Thee only gets what thou dost earn.
   
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Re: I can't help her anymore... is this too brutal??? - June 29th 2010, 04:07 AM

If you feel so strongly about this then staying with her may not be the healthiest thing for you. Honestly at some point you do need to look out for yourself. Will it be hard on her- yes. But you staying in an unhealthy relationship for you would be hard on you. Its a double edge sword in a way but honestly it comes down to doing what is right for you.


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Re: I can't help her anymore... is this too brutal??? - June 29th 2010, 02:21 PM

I dont think it is too brutal. But i dont know. Depends how bad it would hurt her. Like do you think she may try to take her life? It took my boyfriend leaving me to sort my life out. I was living just for him. She needs to live for herself and stop relying on you to keep her here.

Hope that helps.


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