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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Random_Hero Offline
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i miss my dad - July 19th 2010, 02:02 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i am not a crazy person but i have suicidal thoughts... i lost my dad wen i was ten... i am twenty and i still wish i could have met him sooner ... when mom told me he died i huged her and pretended to cry...i knew i should have been crying but i could not.....i wish i didnt seriously consider blowing my brains out every time i see a loaded gun....even if its not mine or if im with somebody at the time...i guess that makes me fucked up i just wish someone would tell me they loved me and that they would never leave me....i cant type anymore so i guess im done...
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Re: i miss my dad - July 19th 2010, 05:21 AM

Hey there,

Every living person has had their struggles in life. This does not make humanity as a whole "crazy"; we simply cope with pain in different ways...and for some, the only way we know how to deal is to entirely self-destruct. When the darkness gets so deep that there seems to be no way out, death can seem like the light at the end of the tunnel.

However, there is hope. It does not have to be this way. When you feel as though death is more desirable than the life you lead, remind yourself that you will NOT always feel like this. Things change, things improve. Life is a cycle, in which we are always bettering ourselves and, in return, feeling better.

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your father, especially at such a young age. Death can be such a difficult thing to grasp. However, take comfort in the fact that you were lucky enough to know him when he lived. Your father will always hold a special place in your heart; however, as the years pass, the memories and pain associated with his death will begin to lessen.

If you have yet to talk with someone about how you are feeling, I highly recommend that you do so. Talking is SO therapeutic, and there are individuals in your life who have so much love for you and just want to help. Let them support you; you do not have to go through this alone. If the suicidal thoughts persist, consider getting in touch with a doctor or mental health professional. This does not make you "crazy" or anything of the sort; it simply means that you are one of the MANY who need a little extra help.

Take care of yourself, and stay strong. You are loved, more than you will ever know. Never forget that.

"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
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Re: i miss my dad - July 19th 2010, 07:52 AM

I am apologetic for your accident but blessed to apperceive that you had such a abundant accord with your Dad. People are right: time does accomplish a accident added manageable. I aswell begin that absorption on the postives of your accord and aggravating accustomed to accomplishment the things your Dad may accept capital you to accomplishment for him are abundant things to affluence the pain.
I will acquaint you that there is not a day go by that I do not anticipate of my Dad. I focus on the things we did calm and I authenticate to him that I convenance the things he accomplished me like allowance others, speaking the accuracy in affable means and getting admiring in acceptable times, but abnormally in bad times.
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Re: i miss my dad - July 19th 2010, 10:36 AM

Hey Armand.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, I don't know what it's like and I'm not going to pretend to.

I do know a little bit about suicidal thoughts and a bit about parents.

I of course didn't know your father personally, and I know you must have heard this before, but isn't what any parent wants for their child for them to live a happy, productive life?

Your fathers life got cut short and I'm sorry. It's fucked up and unfair. Yours doesn't have to though.

You deserve it to yourself to try and find happyness. I know it's not that easy, i'm not going to tell you to 'find an activity' or 'think positivly'. Time will help though and getting over this depression is going to be one of the hardest thing you'll ever do. But I believe you can do it. Everyone has it in them, you just need to find it in yourself.

Nobody is so weak they can't come back from something, and the fact you've lived with this your entire life shows how strong of a person you actually are. You've already walked half of the way.

As for the crying, don't beat yourself up about. You were ten years old. You'd been through a traumatic experience.

I'll tell you something. Earlier this year my mother tried to kill herself. My 30 year old sister spent hours upon hours crying and when she woke up she could barely open her eyes they were so puffy.

I however didn't shed a single tear, and I felt so guilty because I thought people would think I didn't care.

About two weeks later, the television wouldn't work and I couldn't find the remote. I absolutely cried my eyes out.

There is such a thing as being so sad you can't cry. Like I said, I have no idea what it's like to go through something like you did and I'm no psychologist. Still i'd imagine in that situation you'd be feeling so many emotions. Confusion, shock, anger, hurt, denial, worry... Especially for a ten year old. Maybe your brain just didn't give you time to cry.

I don't know what to say about people leaving and feeling like you don't have anyone because I feel the same way. I think you'll find someone like that though. I have to believe that.

I'm pretty weak consolation prize, but PM me anytime. I'm not going anywhere.

(Ps- If I didn't care I wouldn't bother writing this.)
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