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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
HopelessVictim Offline
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Painfully Numb - August 19th 2010, 06:53 PM

I can't seem to feel anything but pain anymore. It's like I become numb when my body wants to feel any other emotion besides pain and I am at my rope's end. I can't feel happiness. I can't feel joy or even sadness. I either feel pain or I feel nothing at all. I hate my life yet again. Please, please don't tell me to be strong or that things will get better or that you know how I feel. I've heard those answers so many times that if I hear them again, I will burst. I am done trying to go around putting on a happy face so that others will not worry about me. I just can't do it anymore. I'll either have to tell everyone how I truly feel or I will kill myself. But when I try telling someone close about my feelings, I can't find the words to explain how I feel. I don't know what to do. I need this to stop before I lose my mind and overdose on my mom's pills.


8262010
The Day I First Cut Myself...
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Painfully Numb - August 19th 2010, 07:51 PM

....Alone.....


8262010
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Re: Painfully Numb - August 19th 2010, 08:16 PM

Listen. I don't think it's fair for you to give up when you know you could keep trying. Be patient with yourself. Words will come when you're ready to talk about it. But it's not fair of you to do this to yourself without at least trying to get help. Until you've tried everything, I mean everything, I think you should give yourself another chance. Look at it this way: if one of your friends wanted to commit suicide, you'd want them to give themselves another chance, right? Well, I think you deserve another chance, too. Your emotions can come back, but you might need to find out what made them go away to begin with. And sometimes professionals are the only people who know how to help with things like that. So though I know you probably hate the idea of seeing a counselor or a therapist, I think that might be an important step toward recovery. Just keep in mind, you've never tried everything. Give yourself another chance, if not for your own sake but for the people who care about you. You do deserve to get past this. You'll just need some patience.
   
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Re: Painfully Numb - August 19th 2010, 08:34 PM

April,
Have you tried writing a note to someone to get you started talking to them? It's easier to write your feelings down since you aren't saying it straight to their face. That'll get the hardest part done with and then hopefully you'll be able to talk it over with them.
You know there's other options than taking the pills & I understand you need help finding them, which is why I'm glad you're on here.
If you need to talk feel free to PM me. =]
Em


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Re: Painfully Numb - August 19th 2010, 09:10 PM

April,

Can I ask what is making you feel this way? Maybe if you could work on the reasons behind these feelings you wouldn't feel as bad. Sometimes our bodies numb out to emotions as a coping mechanism. So, if you can work on the reasons behind the numbness and work on the reasons behind your depression it might start to improve.

I know there was a time when I felt really alone and I thought the only way out was suicide. I sought out treatment for my depression and have slowly started feeling better. I haven't completely gotten over my depression, I still have bad days but the good days are way more numerous. Maybe if you sought treatment you would start to feel better too?

Please hang in there and if you need to chat please feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Painfully Numb - August 19th 2010, 09:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleFish View Post
Listen. I don't think it's fair for you to give up when you know you could keep trying. Be patient with yourself. Words will come when you're ready to talk about it. But it's not fair of you to do this to yourself without at least trying to get help. Until you've tried everything, I mean everything, I think you should give yourself another chance. Look at it this way: if one of your friends wanted to commit suicide, you'd want them to give themselves another chance, right? Well, I think you deserve another chance, too. Your emotions can come back, but you might need to find out what made them go away to begin with. And sometimes professionals are the only people who know how to help with things like that. So though I know you probably hate the idea of seeing a counselor or a therapist, I think that might be an important step toward recovery. Just keep in mind, you've never tried everything. Give yourself another chance, if not for your own sake but for the people who care about you. You do deserve to get past this. You'll just need some patience.
Hey.
I agree that it's not fair to give up when I could keep trying. But it's also not fair that I have to go through pain. And I need to face the fact that my options are extremely limited when it comes to getting professional help due to the fact that I have no working phone, my parents don't have a car. Besides, I've already been to counseling, didn't help a bit. I think that was because I felt more like I was being examined than helped...needless to say, it was very umcomfortable. I couldn't talk about anything. You say "It's not fair of you to do this to yourself without at least trying to get help". Really? I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but you REALLY think I haven't tried getting help? Believe me I have! Otherwise, I would have never been to counseling. I would have never confided im my mom about wanting to cut and the suicide note...but nevertheless, nothing has helped. I even tried forcing myself to be happy.
I think I know why I can't feel any good emotions...it's because I fear of being happy only to have my good mood knocked back down. Unfortunatley, I don't know how I should fix this...


8262010
The Day I First Cut Myself...
   
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Re: Painfully Numb - August 19th 2010, 09:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by KoKoEm View Post
April,
Have you tried writing a note to someone to get you started talking to them? It's easier to write your feelings down since you aren't saying it straight to their face. That'll get the hardest part done with and then hopefully you'll be able to talk it over with them.
You know there's other options than taking the pills & I understand you need help finding them, which is why I'm glad you're on here.
If you need to talk feel free to PM me. =]
Em
Yes, I've tried this...that's how I told my mom about wanting to cut, the suicide note, ect. Unfortunatley, she promised me she would get helo only to break that promise. What are the other options?


8262010
The Day I First Cut Myself...
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
HopelessVictim Offline
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Re: Painfully Numb - August 19th 2010, 09:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~CourageousSurvivor~ View Post
April,

Can I ask what is making you feel this way? Maybe if you could work on the reasons behind these feelings you wouldn't feel as bad. Sometimes our bodies numb out to emotions as a coping mechanism. So, if you can work on the reasons behind the numbness and work on the reasons behind your depression it might start to improve.

I know there was a time when I felt really alone and I thought the only way out was suicide. I sought out treatment for my depression and have slowly started feeling better. I haven't completely gotten over my depression, I still have bad days but the good days are way more numerous. Maybe if you sought treatment you would start to feel better too?

Please hang in there and if you need to chat please feel free to pm me.

Jenna
Well, the root cause of my depression is my parents' drinking problems. When they drink, they fight and when they fight, I get dragged into it. The only way I can avoid confrontation with them is to lock myself in my room when they drink, thus resulting in my loneliness. But if I go out and try to socialize with my mom and dad when they are drunk, I end up being dragged into one of their petty arguments, this resulting in my pain. Unfortunatley, I can't get them to stop drinking, especially since they don't want to stop despite what it's doing to me. It sucks knowing the main cause of my depression can't be resolved because my parents are unwilling to quit drinking all of our money away and getting into fights. So there is nothing I can do about that.

Unfortunatley, I can't seek treatment for my depression because I'm only 13, therefore I can't pick myself up and take myself to the doctor. My parents won't do it, well actually, they can't. I wish we could but we can't.


8262010
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Re: Painfully Numb - August 19th 2010, 10:41 PM

You're in a really tough spot. I'm so sorry you have to do deal with your parents' drinking problems, you do not deserve that at all. But please, don't give up. Maybe you have tried getting help. I wasn't implying that you're not trying at all, and I apologize if it sounded that way. I just meant that there are always, always, always new things you can try. But don't pressure yourself. Life's a bitch sometimes, and unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about that. Just keep trying new things, no matter how pointless they may seem at times. What have you got to lose? I know you're tired of waiting and you're in a lot of pain, but if you give yourself more chances and find a solution, you'll feel better in the end. I feel like a hypocrite saying all this because I'm also struggling with depression. But I try to look at it like an illness and keep waiting for it to get better while trying what I can to make it easier. I would suggest you keep trying to open up to a friend or someone close to you. You may not have the words to explain yourself now, but all you need is honesty. And when you're ready, the words will come. Hopefully you'll be able to gain some support so that when you're feeling like this, you'll have someone to talk to.
   
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Re: Painfully Numb - August 20th 2010, 02:03 AM

Is there any kind of friend (or friend's parent) or teacher or any kind of person who can give you a ride to get the help you'd like? If you can't call them, try email or facebook or something online since you have a computer. As for the emotions, they'll come back when your comfortable and happy with whatever situation you're in. I know it seems distant or impossible at the moment, but they could come back at as simple a time as hanging out with a friend or finding someone who you can connect with or the help you're looking for.


"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
-Grace Hansen
   
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