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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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it just hurts. - August 20th 2010, 03:30 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

every breath i take is just painful anymore. it hurts to breath. it hurts to wake up in the morning. it hurts to face another day. it hurts to no longer have my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years who was also my best friend, in my life. it hurts to hear her with her new slutty alcoholic friends making fun of me. it hurts to not be able to talk about it to the 3 other people in my life because they dont know i dated a girl. it hurts becuase i dont know if i'm gay or straight. it hurts because i just want someone to love me, but i just want her back. it hurts because shes out there partying and forgetting about me and im laying in bed depressed wanting to die. thinking of ways to die. stuck in this place that i was once in before i met her. this deep dark place i was in before she pulled me out of it. it hurts because i didnt think id fall back into this depression again. it hurts because i cant show people im depressed. it hurts because i cant sulk around and be hurt because no one knows. no one understands. it hurts because everything was a secret. it hurts because shes fine. everything just hurts and i want it to go away. i feel so selfish. i hate myself for thinking all of this. i hate myself for even typing this. i hate myself for wanting to cut and wanting to push myself over the edge and just end it all. but no one would care. she wouldnt care. i have no reason to exist in the world. i'm just wasting space and i don't like it. i wish i could disappear into thin air and my breathing would just stop
   
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Re: it just hurts. - August 21st 2010, 01:28 AM

You're not alone in feeling like this. It may seem like there is no way out, but don't worry, with time and a little bit of effort, you"ll be able to be happy once again. Not everyone has abandoned you...don't leave them just yet. If you need someone to listen to you, there are many of us, including myself.

We care.
   
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Re: it just hurts. - August 21st 2010, 01:29 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry you are hurting so much. I wish I had the words that would take that pain away but I don't all I can tell you is what I believe wholeheartedly; it will get better.

You said you don't have too many friends you can talk to about the break up you had with your girlfriend and I get that but you can find those friends. Look into finding a GLBTQ youth support group those types of things really help kids who are struggling with their sexuality, relationships etc. And the thing about it is that even if you find out you are straight one day they will still stay your friends and let you go. I went to a support group once and there were a few straight people in there who had questioned their sexuality at one time. They got the support they needed for that and then figured it out and eventually started supporting others. You could have that too.

And, if you can find others who can understand what you are going through it can really help. It sucks to have to keep a big part of yourself and a big struggle you are going with inside. If you find people who you can relate to and lean on for support you won't have to deal with it all alone.

As for the situation with your girlfriend; I am sorry the two of you broke up. I know breakups can be really hard but you can get through this. When people go through breakups they deserve to mourn for what they lost and it sounds like you are doing that. However, don't hold onto the belief that your Ex girlfriend is the only relationship for you. I promise there are so many other opportunities waiting for you out there. Let yourself enjoy those future opportunities.

Have you thought of looking into therapy? I know that therapy helps quite a number of people deal with the things they are struggling with; it might help you. I know it can be scary to reach out to a stranger like that but therapists (if you find the right one) can be really caring and helpful. I know it helps me to be able to go to someone who is objective, caring and understanding and share all my problems with. I know I will get great feedback and great support. Maybe something like that would help you?

Lastly, you are not a waste of space. I know sometimes it can seem like that but that is the farthest thing from the truth. I believe that all people are here for a reason and you are no different. You are important, I hope one day you will be able to believe that.

If you ever need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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Re: it just hurts. - August 24th 2010, 01:56 AM

thank you both very much for the responses. i've had two therapists before and neither of them seemed to have really helped. i think i just need to sulk and vent some more until i get it all out of my system, eventually i'l be okay thank you both again so much. i really appreciate it
   
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