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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Deprime Offline
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Trying to avoid suicide.. - August 23rd 2010, 01:03 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Last year in about October I started becoming extremely depressed. it was 2 years since my dad died and I felt like that was the time I needed him most and I didnt have him... I started cutting myself. Not as bad as some people cause I kept having nightmares that freaked me out of me lying on my bedroom floor, dead and covered in blood, and my parents laughing at my dead body. This summer I started cutting for real and Ive often cried myself to sleep.. And last October I almost killed myself twice, but was saved by one of my best friends. Im not that depressed anymore, but there's still times where I seriously consider suicide and I just don't know what to do.. Im really freaking out..

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Re: Trying to avoid suicide.. - August 23rd 2010, 01:21 AM

hey, look, it's going to get better. i've struggled with depression myself, and I'm sure yours isn't the exact same, but I'm also sure yours will work itself out just like mine did. Just be strong, and hang in there - your depression is only temporary, but suicide is permanent. I'm sorry your having such a hard time right now though, and if you ever need to talk about anything you should feel free to message me. I wrote an article on different ways to help with depression at www.hubpages.com/hub/fromexperience - maybe you could give it a look. Also, try going to the Alternatives to Self Harm page on this site; I've used it a few times, and it's really helpful.
You're gonna be okay, just trust me, know we're all here for you, and keep persevering.


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Re: Trying to avoid suicide.. - August 24th 2010, 02:39 AM

Hey there,

It sounds like you have come a long way and I think you should be proud of yourself for that. You may still be having the urges to harm yourself but it seems like things are a little more stable and that shows me what a strong and resilient person you are.

Now, firstly, the self harm; I am going to give you a link to the alternatives. I am not sure if you are currently self harming but I figured I would give you the link just in case.

Here is the link:

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/

The thing to remember about the alternatives is that they may not work right away but don't give up on them completely. I was a very active self harmer at one time and when I decided that it was time for me to quit I found this site and the alternatives. I figured I would look into the alternatives and quit right away; I was wrong. It took me a long while to actually feel like the alternatives were having some effect. I used to beat myself up about not just being able to stop but I slowly began to realize that self harm is an addiction and it took a long time for me to get into the habit actively so of course it is going to take a bit of time for me to overcome it. Once I realized that I didn't beat myself up as much for relapses and I began to use the alternatives even if I would eventually cave and cut 15 minutes, 30 mintues or an hour later.

The thing is that if you use them enough your body will start to realize that there are other coping mechanisms it can use aside from self harm. I have become an avid journal writer and as of now when I write in a journal it helps with my urges but it was not always like that. I first started journaling 3 years ago as an alternative to self harm and to be honest there would be days when I would journ 3-4 times and still end up cutting and of course that was discouraging. I persisted and now I journal 1-4 times a day and do not self harm (most of the time, we all of relapses ). The point I am trying to make is don't give up on the alternatives if they don't work right away.

As for your depression and suicide; I am going to encourage you to speak to someone about it. It is not alright for you to have such intense thoughts about suicide and a therapist and psychiatrist could really help you with all of that.

Also, if you got into counseling you might be given someone who can help you better deal with your fathers death. Losing a parent can be a really hard thing to have happen and a therapist will give you someone safe, dependable and objective to talk to about it. With time you might find that it doesn't hurt as much.

I am not going to lie and tell you that that hurt is going to go away completely because I don't think it will but I do believe that it can become less intense and more 'manageable'. The loss of a loved one is a hard thing to cope with and there is always going to be a part of us that misses them but with time that part becomes a little less hurtful. You can get there to you just might need some extra help.

I would also encourage you to reach out to your mom or other families members about this. They too have lost someone they loved so they can relate to what you are going through on some level. Sometimes the best way to heal from the loss of a loved one is by surrounding yourself by other family and friends.

You said that your best friend saved you and I think it is great that you have someone that cares so immensely about you. I think it would be great if you could continue leaning on her for support. It seems as if she really wants to be there for you so don't push her away.

Lastly, I am going to give you a link to reasons to live. I know that in the past when I was really struggling with suicidal ideation I would look at that list and then make my own list. I think that would be a great thing for you to try. Sometimes it seems as if we have nothing to live for but when we really look at our lives and all the things in it we see so many things worth carrying on for. If you were to look at the reasons some users have to live and then make your own you might be surprised by what you see.

Something you could do with that list of things is sticky them all over your room. If might help if you can see all those reasons when you are really struggling.

Here is the link:

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t272-reasons-live/

I really hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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