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I'm tired of this! - August 30th 2010, 02:04 AM

I'm tired of having to force myself to be happy. I'm tired of lieing to everyone around me in order for me to feel safe that my secret, stays secret. I'm tired of having to fake a smile to fool people around me, and I'm tired of the fact that nobody ever looks past my smile because I'm such a happy-go-lucky girl. I'm tired of this all! I'm sick of my life. I hate what I have become to escape what I hated being. My life has never gone in the direction that I've wanted it to go, and I fear that when I finally have control, I won't know how to steer. This is just too much for me to handle now. I'm such an idiot when it comes to living. I can't do it right, I never have, and I'm certain I never will. This is just too hard for me.


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Re: I'm tired of this! - August 30th 2010, 02:26 AM

Hon, calm down.

If you don't like being secretive, whats the worst that will happen if you're not? Or even, ever consider a compromise? You could just, act normal. Not too happy, but not showing all the pain. Maybe let a bit out?

I don't know, I suck at giving advice about these things, but I don't want to leave you hanging here.


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Re: I'm tired of this! - August 30th 2010, 03:23 AM

Hey there,

Why are you being so secretive? I know that there are times when we feel that keeping things hidden from people is the best thing in the world but look at what it is doing to you. You do not deserve to be going through this much turmoil. And, I bet if you were to tell the people that you care about how much you are struggling they would rally behind you and give you support.

I know what it is like to feel as if you have to keep your sadness a secret but that is the furthest thing from the truth. When we keep things like sadness a secret it makes things worse. Instead of worrying so much about how people don't see your struggles reach out and let them into those struggles.

It will be a really hard thing to do but in the end it could help immensely. Having a support network while you are trying to deal with sadness can be a good thing. And, if the right people know you might be able to get counseling (if that is what you want).

You deserve help but the best way to get that help is by letting people in on your struggles.

I hope this helped and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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Re: I'm tired of this! - August 30th 2010, 03:29 AM

people aren't going to know to look beyond your smile and see what is really going on, unless you let them. by throwing on a smile and pretending everything is ok, you're letting people believe that you truly are happy.
you can't know for sure what people will think if they know your secret. even telling one person may release a lot of tension inside of you.
you CAN do it right, and are not an idiot when it comes to living. life may be messed up sometimes, and it may be unfair. but that doesn't mean that you aren't good at life. no one really knows how to deal with their problems. things will eventually work themselves out.
stay strong and hang in there.


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that there is more love than hate, theres more heart than ache,
and we are stuck in this great big world together-
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