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Chaos Theory Offline
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I am a plague - September 8th 2010, 06:04 AM

If you have seen me in person, you will see that my face is scarred with acne scars. I am trying different medicine to alleviate the situations, and it is somewhat effective. I still look hideous, however. People here avoid me as if I carry a deadly plague. The rejection and desolation torments my soul every day with agonizing pain.

People always says they would never judge a book by its cover. I beg to differ.

Today is my first day of sophomore year in college. In the neurobiology class the teachers breaks the ice by having the students in the hall to introduce themselves to each other. The person on my left looked at me and seek to terminate the conversation as soon as possible. The person in front of me brought up a warm smile, only to wane quickly as she saw my scarred face. I feel hideous. I am an abomination. I left the class in complete disgust and anguish.

I can humbly suggest that I am a very amiable and genial person. The few people that I befriend knows this. Does it matter, however, when everyone else denies me at the entrance because of my hideous appearance? I always attempt to initiate a chat with other people, to begin a befriending process. No one seems to be happy with my presence. I am disgracing them with my hideous appearance. They attempted to push me out of the picture constantly, and I am always left in loneliness.

I am VERY tired of this charade. There is nothing I can do to rid myself off this affliction...

...Only death can. If they wish me begone from their beautiful, perfect world, so be it.


To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To give of one's self; To leave the world a bit better...; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - This is to have succeeded. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Re: I am a plague - September 9th 2010, 01:07 AM

Marco,

I can understand where you are coming from. I have issues with my looks and I feel that some people avoid me because I am not good looking enough. However, looks are not the only thing that matters to a lot of people.

Here is the thing, in high school there was a boy that had acne scars very badly and it was off putting to a lot of people. I will admit it was even a bit off putting to me. However, I did not let that stop me from trying to befriend him. We had a class together and we ended up being paired in groups; the process was a bit awkward at first but over time we got to talking and it improved. I did not let his looks scare me away and I am quite glad for that.

Another thing to consider is that people look at 'good looking' in different ways. I have a friend that really likes guys who have acne; she doesn't know why but there is something about it that attracts her. However, I have another friend that doesn't like people with acne. That is the thing beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some people are going to be put off by your acne scars but not everyone will and the ones that don't let them get in the way of befriending you are the people you want in life anyways.

I think you should keep talking to people because with time you will make friends. It might take you longer then others but it will happen. Don't give up on it.

I know that death seems like the perfect solution to this but if you die you will not be around to see the good things that come and meet the good people in the world. You deserve to meet those people and build those friendships so don't give up.

If you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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Re: I am a plague - September 9th 2010, 02:13 AM

Hey there Marco.
You definitely are not alone. I feel the same about my weight... I just feel huge all the time, like the delicate skinny girls are looking down on me, and don't want to talk to me. But I go out of my way to talk to people I think may have the same self-conscious issues as me. Maybe it would help if you sought out someone who looks to be having a hard time as well?
There ARE people out there who don't judge others based on looks, but the reality of the situation is that those people probably have issues of their own, and know what it's like to be judged.
I'm also in my sophomore year of college, and I know that people are basically superficial. However, there are people who want you to look past their appearance, and those are the people who will look past yours.
I hope this helps a little bit, if you want to talk feel free to PM me. I hope things get better.
   
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