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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Max_99 Offline
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Feeling like giving up more and more - September 14th 2010, 01:50 AM

I feel bad for bothering everyone here with my small problems and oh, so often. I feel like I'm wasting everyones time.

But, I need to write my thoughts down. I suppose it doesn't matter if anyone reads them or not, but my mind needs to be cleared up.

So, shall we begin?

Each day, the pain seems to be my sidekick. Pain, I'm so tired of you. You make it hard to focus in school, you make me feel as if I should give up several times a day and just give up on life itself. Pain, maybe you don't realize that I'm trying to get rid of you and I'm not doing a very good job. I had/have plans for the future, but they're starting to sink away.
You know how in math class, I sat in the corner and made an attempt at pretending I was okay? Remember when the teacher kept giving me weird looks and acting if I was okay? Well, I started crying. Infront of EVERYONE and made a fool of myself. I bursted out crying and wailing in terror at the pointless pain I felt. I didn't have any reason at all to feel sad, but I still felt terrible. I told my teacher that I was upset because my horse was killed. In truth, what horse?! I didn't have a horse. She sent me to the office to talk to a counselor. I didn't tell her about how I cried during class, I just told her that I had a bad day. And it gets worse each day.

Pain, it's not directly your fault. It's a few peoples faults.

Dearest Drew,
Did you realize that I was already having a near-suicide attempt day? I bet not. You called me ugly and broke my spirits. You took a poll of 12 people and asked who was better, you or me. You won. I felt like dying. I wished that I could have just sat and sliced the hell out of my wrists...but I didn't. Maybe you didn't interpret it correctly the way my eyes were so dull and I was slouching. Or how I was so easy to give up and let you kick me out of my seat and steal my answers. Oh, Drew, we know that it would have done next to no good to tell a teacher, you're their favorite pupil, aren't you? And I get the joy of being with you 181 days a year. Each day, every day. Third period. I bet if I asked to change my schedule around so that I didn't have to be with you in that class, you would change too just so that you could harass me. I'm tired of that bullshit.

Hey Mom, Tom.
You drink a lot, and you smoke quite a bit. I won't say that my mother doesn't treat me well or that she treats me like crap. That's not true. She treats me well, she bought me a horse and pulled many strings to get it for me. I seem to always come first. I appreciate this, even if you don't realize it. I wish I had the nerve to tell you. But I still feel miserable. You seem to tell everyone about my depression and they all feel so bad for me. Why do you have to treat it like a disability and make special accomodations? It's not very great for me. You, too, broke my spirits. Tom, you broke my spirits too. All of those men that came into her life and tried to be father figures. You didn't realize, maybe, about the suicide notes that got me in trouble with the office on a yearly basis, about every six months. If only you could just leave my mother and I to live our lives in peace like we did before. I understand that we wouldn't have the money we do if this happened, but hey....

Each day, I seem to find more and more reasons to just quit and give up. It's little things that get me down and enjoying life is so difficult. This has been going on for a very long time, and I want to feel normal again.

With love,
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Re: Feeling like giving up more and more - September 14th 2010, 11:27 PM

Hey there,

I just want to tell you to hang in there because things will improve. It sounds like you are going through a lot but I believe that you can make it through. Don't let these things get you down. Remember that you have a lot of good ahead of you. Even if you cannot see those things right now I promise they will come.

I am sorry I cannot give you a better response but I am at the library at the moment and I have some homework I have to do and my time is running out!

But, remember you are perfect just the way you are and please hang in there and know that I am here if you ever need anything.


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