anybody

[Life17]

anybody who knows my story will know will know why I'm givin in... [Edited]...if you ever here my story don't judge me... [Edited]. DEPRESSION HAS TAKEN OVER.

[JesusFreak]

What is your story? whats wrong ?

[eunoia]

Hey there,

I'm really sorry to hear you've been having a hard time lately, but I'm so glad you were able to reach out for help. My apologies for so extensively editing your post; we want you to get the support and help that you need, but we don't allow suicide notes anywhere on TeenHelp, so I've edited it to fit within the rules so that you can get the support you are looking for.

I know firsthand the allure of giving in. Trying and trying, over and over again, can be really hard and tiring. We're not here to judge you, although I do think I can speak for most everyone here when I say we want you to live. Things are hard, but that's temporary. Your potential in life, though... the experiences you can have and the things you can achieve, those are not temporary. I hope you won't give that up.

Once, when I was really struggling with thoughts of suicide, I talked to someone about it and I'll never forget what they said to me--what they said saved my life. They told me that if I was willing to die and to give up everything, that I had to be willing to give up just a little piece of my pride, some of my energy, and reach out for help. You've taken a huge step in reaching out here, and I hope you will continue to ask for and accept the help you deserve. No matter what, you are never alone; we're always here for you. Please feel free to PM me whenever.

[Justin Bieber]

Hey there
I know you must be in a lot of pain right now, maybe confused, frustrated, tired or randomly upset, but you need to know that you can fight depression and get your life back. What's been going on in your life that's made you feel so down? Could you describe any event that might have triggered these feelings? You may think that depression has taken over your life right now, but with the right sort of help, you can overcome those feelings and carry a happy, and lovely life. You need to stay strong and reach out to those around you- maybe a parent, neighbor, relative, friend, counselor or teacher. Seeking help is a sign of strength. You're strong- you've come here for help.

Here are a couple threads I think you should look at:
Reasons to Live: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...-reasons-live/
Who can help me?: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...o-can-help-me/
Hold on (To Hope): http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...445-hold-hope/
Alternatives (for anything): http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/

Message me anytime if you want to talk
-Amy

[Life17]

Im tired of trying and trying and I keep getting shutdown everytime. I dont have the energy to keep going. Im in so much pain and i cant fight back im literailly tired and is at the end. and all of this is coming from the soul i mean everything that im saying I just cant take it.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

What things are going on in life that are causing you to feel this way? If you can work on identifying the reasons behind this you might slowly be able to work your way out of this. The road ahead may be a long one filled with many obstacles but you can make it through this.

Have you ever considered journaling? It really helps identify the problems in life and it can sometimes help give you a new outlook on things. Journaling can be difficult to do at times because it can bring up a lot of emotions so if you decide to journal I would suggest that you have a plan in case it gets really triggering. When I journal my back up plan, in case I get triggered excessively, is reading. Do you think you could give journaling a try? Figure out the reasons behind these intense emotions and go from There? I know that sometimes I journal about a problem that seems to have absolutely no solution and the more I journal the better I feel about the problem. I know journaling is not for everyone but I thought I would mention it because it is something that has helped me.

Is there anyone in real life you can go to for help? Family, friends or another trusted person? You should not have to fight this alone and if you can build a support network it could really help. When you have a group of people you can go to when you are really struggling it helps you see that you are not alone and it gives you someone to talk to. Another thing you could consider, if you don't have people in real life right now, is looking into support groups. Those are great ways to find people who can understand where you are coming from and give you the real life support you need.

Have you ever called a hotline? I know there was this one time where I REALLY wanted to harm myself and I picked up the phone and called a hotline. The person on the other end helped me so much so that I made it another day. At the time it didn't seem like such a big deal but now, looking back I am so glad that I called the hotline because I am here today. You can get to that point to; one day you can get to the point where you are not so depressed and are thankful that you survived. A

Here is a link to the hotlines:

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f3-general/t22-hotlines/

Are you in counseling? Have you ever considered counseling? I know that might be a scary thing to look into but it can help immensely. Counseling gives you an objective person to talk to. You can learn a lot of interesting coping skills and you get out all the feelings rolling around inside of you. I know at one point in time I was really skeptical about counseling and didn't believe it would help but once I found the right therapist it has done wonders. It can be scary to open up to someone about all of those things but a therapist would be a really good person to go to. And, if you go to counseling you will have a way to let out all these feelings you have that might be building up inside of you.

Lastly, I know you are tired of fighting but don't give up because that feeling of tiredness will go away with time. Sometimes when you are tired you just have to remind yourself that giving in won't do anything at all. You have to hang on and live one day at a time. Of course that is not easy but sometimes the little things make it possible. Do you have any little things in life that make you smile? Things that help you see the beauty in life? Sunshine, books, family, friends etc? If so hang on to those.

I would suggest loooking at the reason to live link (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...-reasons-live/) to get some ideas and then make your own reasons to live list. Having a reasons to live list, no matter how small, can really help. When/if you make that list maybe you could 1) get some stickies and sticky the reasons around your room so you can look at them when you feel really low 2) keep the list with you at all times so when you are feeling low you can pull it out and remember that there are some reasons to live. Don't let go of life because there really is a lot of good that can come from it.

Please hang in there and remember you are important and cared for. And, if you ever want to chat feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[Justin Bieber]

Originally Posted by Life17

Im tired of trying and trying and I keep getting shutdown everytime. I dont have the energy to keep going. Im in so much pain and i cant fight back im literailly tired and is at the end. and all of this is coming from the soul i mean everything that im saying I just cant take it.

What have you tried before? Who was shutting you down? I know you may feel defeated, but there are people out there who can help you. Try taking a break from some of the stressors in your life. Maybe stay a relatives house or friends house for the weekend just to relax. What's causing your pain? Can you identify anything? Maybe you can work on one issue at a time. You can't overcome everything in one step- sometimes it takes a bunch of baby ones, but in the end, you get a lot farther.

Things will work out- you just can't give up

We're here for you.

[Life17]

THanks Jenna for the journaling tips thanks everyone for mincing counselors support groups etc. I Lurlene has been in therapy for 2 yrs Ive been hospitalized 3 times for suicidal attempts and for 2 yrs Ive been treated like a lab rat and been put on several medicines. Ive keep journails, had a support person, Ive told my story so many times to get help but I feel like a joke. What hurts me even more is I dont have no reason to feel like this but its there and it want go away and it is tearing me apart. Ive heard it all I swear I have from you have every reason to live to suicide is only temporary. This pain in misery seems to not be temporary. I know what it is like to have that one that determines life or death im searching now.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

You know, sometimes it really does seem like we have nothing to be sad about but the little things that are going on in life can make it this way. And, you said you were dealing with medicine and such so I am assuming (please don't get upset by this assumption if it is wrong) that you have been diagnosed with something. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar and due to this no matter how 'great' my life can be there are times when I can be really depresed or Manic. It is something I am going to have to live with forever but once it is completely undercontrol it will be a lot less intense. So, there could be a lot of factors behind this depression, environmental as well as biological.

When it comes to therapy are you still involved in that? Do you like your therapist? Do you feel comfortable with them? See, I started therapy when I was 17 but it was with someone I was not comfortable with and because of this I couldn't truely express myself to that person. Even though I was in therapy I kept my feelings hidden so I really didn't get to work on things. There are three main rules I go by in therapy 1) Make sure I am comfortable sharing EVERYTHING about myself with a therapist 2) Make sure to be completely honest with my therapist and 3) If I don't feel comfortable sharing with a therapist explain this. Are you comfortable with your therapist? Because that could be a deciding factor in you getting help. Also, have you tried sitting down and explaining to your therapist that you feel like it isn't working and you feel hopeless in regards to getting better? Be completely honest with your therapist the more honest the better.

And, I am going to tell you something and I hope you don't get mad for me telling a story about myself but I think it is important to hear. I went through a period where I had doctor after doctor telling me I was hopeless. There was this one doctor that told me 1) I wasn't trying hard enough 2) I was a hopeless case (I had been under him for 3 days. Now, this was very discouraging and I started to believe it. I started believing that I was going to need long term care, never stop hurting myself, always be consumed by depression. I thought I was hopeless. However, I didn't give up on myself completely and I slowly started getting better. I am now at a place where I am doing decently. I will admit I am not 100% recovered but looking at where I was 3 years ago and where I am now I have improved. The improvment didn't happen over night and I still have a ways to go but I am getting there and so can you.

The point of that story was that there might be people who tell you that your case is hopeless. They might tell you to throw in the towel and consider long term hospitalization etc but don't BELIEVE them. Don't give up on yourself if others give up on you. And, don't ever believe that you are hopeless. If you begin to believe that you are hopeless getting better can be so much harder. You need to keep faith in yourself because that keeps you going in really tough times.

Don't get me wrong I know how hard that is but even if that hope/faith you have in yourself is small it can keep you going. Whenever you feel hopeless remind yourself of the things you want to do with your life. And, if you feel a negative thought come into your ahead about your dreams push it aside. Sometimes reminding myself of my dreams helps an immense amount.

You can survive this. One day you will be able to look back on this time in life and think "well it was tough and I hated it but I survived."

I hope this helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna