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-   -   Triggering (Suicide): Just Don't Want To Be Here Anymore... (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t61258-just-dont-want-here-anymore/)

unreasoned December 5th 2010 12:43 PM

Just Don't Want To Be Here Anymore...
 
Long story short im fed up...
Everyone keeps saying i have a great life and that im normal...
They are wrong.
I hate my life. I've lost my friends, I hate myself, Im being mercilessly bullyed.
Thats just the start.
In my mind im a monster! i only cause pain! I hate it. I hate the fact that i want...no i need to die. I hate the fact whenever i think.
"Dying changes nothing for me. Im allready dead inside" One of my friends goes.
"It changes everything for everyone else" IT DOESNT!
My so called friends always turn against me! For god's sake even my mother has turned against me.
"You treat others like crap and expect alot back! you should have a long hard look at who you treat others" What the hell got me into this mess?!
I've been thinking about others for most of my life rather than myself!
GRR i hate this! I just want to go up the castle and leap off! In fact thats looking more likely :'( :'( :'(

lost_soul December 5th 2010 02:32 PM

Re: Just Don't Want To Be Here Anymore...
 
Hi Rhys,

You say you've been thinking about others most of your life and not yourself, well here's a chance to think about yourself. Right now you're in a bad state and you need to think about you, and nobody else.

You need to think things through, once you kill yourself, that's it, that's the end of your life. People around you WILL suffer, and it DOES change things for everyone else, regardless of what you might think. Your mother may have said harsh words to you in the past but you are her son, and if you die, she will be filled with pain, as will anyone else who loves you. Do you really want that to happen?

You say you get bullied, and that's not acceptable. If you see a counsellor, they can help you to overcome these bullies and end the torture, nobody deserves to be bullied. YOU don't deserve to be bullied, and you certainly don't deserve to die.

Hold onto life, talk about your issues with someone. Whether it's your mum, or a counsellor, or someone else you trust. You just need someone to know what you're going through, so they can understand you and help you, then you won't feel so alone <3

Your friends don't sound like friends at all. Find new friends that will treat you how you want to be treated, and leave behind all of the negativity that comes with your current 'friends'.

There's hope for you and I'm always here to chat if you need anything.
Please do not commit suicide, suicide is never a good option, there are ways to get past these thoughts, through these hard times and survive, landing yourself in a better, happier place.

unreasoned December 5th 2010 06:25 PM

Re: Just Don't Want To Be Here Anymore...
 
Everytime i start to think about myself, everyone has a go at me for being self absorbed. Mum just had another go at me saying "all you think about is yourself" :(
I hate this!
In regards to my councilor he's not helping atm :'(
In regards to everything else i quit :( no point...

lost_soul December 6th 2010 02:39 PM

Re: Just Don't Want To Be Here Anymore...
 
I know how that feels, to be so selfless that when you finally think about yourself, everybody accuses you of being selfish, simply because they're so used to your selflessness. I know exactly how that feels, but don't listen to a word they say, okay? You have to keep your head held high, even when people are trying to bring you down. It must be hard to have your own mother bring you down, but have you talked to her about how you're feeling right now? Maybe she doesn't quite understand what is going on for you?

Are there any specific reasons why you're counsellor isn't helping right now?
Are you being honest with him?
Why don't you try and call a helpline maybe if your counsellor isn't helping you? Or see a different counsellor?

Please don't quit, people care about you, I care about you and you deserve to live. Don't give up on your life, you don't deserve to die.

Lost_In_Thought December 6th 2010 06:28 PM

Re: Just Don't Want To Be Here Anymore...
 
hey i know pretty much how u are feeling it really sucks but just keep living it has to turn out ok sooner or later

unreasoned December 6th 2010 11:05 PM

Re: Just Don't Want To Be Here Anymore...
 
My councilor isnt the problem, its good to get this all of my chest. Im always honest with him. I admit i am pretty good at lying(being where i am it comes naturally) its just i still feel like its not enough.
As for my mother she wouldnt understand, she's always accusing me of being a selfish lazy arrogant git. As if it wasnt allready bad with all of this she's still carrying on about it. When i tell her whats wrong(par wanting to die) she says im overreacting.
All i want is for people to freaking help me like i helped them. i want to girl i love to say she forgives me. i want my best mate to say he was sorry. i want to beat seven bells out of the kid who's bullying me. But what i want is irrelevent. It never mattered.
As for people caring...that just makes me feel worse. I dont want people to care about what happens to me. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. i want to be able to end it but im stopped...everytime i go to i see her. And i hate it :'( im fed up of living this life where im not treated like a human. more like a monster


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