TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
turtleinthesea Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
turtleinthesea's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 12
Join Date: December 10th 2010

I think I'm going to kill myself - December 10th 2010, 04:16 AM

It's settled in my mind like a brick wall. But even if i'm posting on here I guess it means I haven't. My life hasn't been going to well. My boyfriend, my ex boyfriend I guess, broke my heart. Doesn't everyone say that? But he still hugs and kisses me and tells me he loves me..then ignores me and writes nasty songs about me with his friends. He never calls to tell me he loves me. I don't deserve to be loved. No one really loves me. I want to be loved, but it's not going to happen. My family is a wreck. My brother is sick. My father is sick. My mother is angry and fights all the time with my dad, she's falling apart at the seams. My sister is mean. My other sister is an alcoholic. My other brother once broke my arm..he never lets me practice my music. There is so much sadness in the house. I had some terrible events in childhood. I lost several good friends all before I was 18. I have no good friends left anymore. I'm failing a class I need to pass. I spent all my money on Christmas gifts for my family and my ex...I just wanted to have a happy Christmas..thinking maybe I could hold on so I don't mess up the holidays for my family. I don't think I can. I once tried telling someone I was thinking of killing myself and she said "Go ahead". Like I'm nothing. I am nothing. My dreams wont ever come true. When I was a kid I thought I had some fantastic future waiting for me, like somehow I was supposed to do something special,but I don't and i haven't and I didn't. I even won a free trip to Egypt for being a good student. I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore. I have the exact dosage of the pills that are going to kill me, I have the bus ticket to take me some place where they wont find me..where my parents wont see me after I'm dead. I know what will happen after I take the pills..i'll go into seizures and my heart will stop. But I know it wont take long. But part of me, a small voice very deep deep down in the back of my head is saying "Viv hold on for a little bit longer..." because it's telling me my parents will open the door one day, there will be a police officer telling them they found me, and i'm dead. But I just can't deal with all the sadness. I can't deal with it. I feel like some different monster-girl has taken ahold of and I can't stop it. I can't stop myself. I can't sleep at night..I open up the little box of pills and count them. Waiting for the next big horror to put them in my mouth. I have no one. I can't think of one person to call to stop me. I feel entirely alone. I just want to die. I want to see my pop pop and grandmom if I go to heaven, if there is a heaven. I want to see my friends again. I want there to be no more pain.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cole11 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
cole11's Avatar
 
Name: cole
Gender: Female
Location: england

Posts: 25
Join Date: December 8th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 10th 2010, 10:57 AM

I know you feel like it's the end of the world right now, but it's not. You have so much to live for, even if you might not be able to see it right in front of you at the moment. Things sound like they're really difficult at home, but you have to remember that your family love you and care about you, at the end of the day they're still you're family, blood, and they'll always love you no matter what. My ex was in a similar situation to you when she tried to take her life, she thought that no one would care and that no one would miss her, but when it came to it (thank God she was alright) her family and friends were devasted and although she lived, she still has ongoing problems now, and that's from overdosing on pills. I know you feel like nobody cares but you'll be surprised to find out how many people actually do care! I've struggled with SH and depression for a couple of years now, and I know how hard it can be, and how tempting quitting can be, but remember that although life isn't always easy, you're still here fighting, and that makes you a stronger person than a hell of a lot of people out there. I hope you're okay and things get better for you, if you ever need anyone to speak to send me an message on here at anytime, i know how hard it is when you literally have no one to talk to. take care


"There's nothing different about me. I'm just another bored male, approaching 30, in a dead-end job, who lives for the weekend. Casual sex, watered-down lager, heavily cut drugs. And occasionally kicking fuck out of someone."
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
turtleinthesea Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
turtleinthesea's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 12
Join Date: December 10th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 10th 2010, 02:28 PM

it's just too much. Things never seem to get any better. People keep putting knives in me. I can't take it. I'm not as strong as other people. Everyone always says how strong I am but the fact is I'm not. I'm not strong. I don't have anything left to live for.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
turtleinthesea Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
turtleinthesea's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 12
Join Date: December 10th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 10th 2010, 02:43 PM

People always say hang in there people care about you. But the people who 'care' about me are the ones doing this.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
cole11 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
cole11's Avatar
 
Name: cole
Gender: Female
Location: england

Posts: 25
Join Date: December 8th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 10th 2010, 03:48 PM

the way i see it, if you've gotten this far then you are strong, and everyday you carry on you're getting stronger. you need to find something to take your mind off it? ideal things would be going out, joining a club etc but obviously that stuff isn't for everyone. when my ex left me i was a complete state, i tried to kill myself a coupla times but eventually i started to get better. im not 100% now, not at all but i found other ways of helping myself, like drinking etc granted they weren't the best alternatives but they kept me going and i think when you get to a point like you're at in life it doesn't matter what you do to keep going or how bad it is, the main thing is that you KEEP going and KEEP living. As you said, you've lost loved ones and friends in the past, as have I, and you must have seen what it did to their families, friends etc. Look for anything to keep yourself going, it really doesn't matter what it is, it could be something little like getting up to watch a certain programme, or going to a party at the weekend, you just have to pick something out to look forward to. Things feel like they're never gonna get better right now, but i promise that they will, things just take time


"There's nothing different about me. I'm just another bored male, approaching 30, in a dead-end job, who lives for the weekend. Casual sex, watered-down lager, heavily cut drugs. And occasionally kicking fuck out of someone."
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
turtleinthesea Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
turtleinthesea's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 12
Join Date: December 10th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 10th 2010, 04:51 PM

I play guitar and violin, and that used to be my passion, my driving force, but I can't seem to be able to pick them up anymore. I used to have dreams of playing on stage in front of a big crowd. Now my ex is the one playing in front of the big crowd about how pathetic I am. Every time I try my brother doesn't let me or I just can't seem to focus.I don't have anything to look forward to. I miss my dead friends and family. They are the only ones I want to talk to..and their gone forever. I never even got to say goodbye. I never believed in god but I find myself crying into a pillow every night for someone to help me but I never get any answer. The only thing I can think about doing is ending it. Sometimes I scare myself with these thoughts, and sometimes its comforting knowing I wont be here to live through this. I want to be able to get up and do it, or get up and run and hide from myself. I just wish someone was here to hold me or grab my hand and never let go. I'm generally frightened of what I might do.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
cole11 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
cole11's Avatar
 
Name: cole
Gender: Female
Location: england

Posts: 25
Join Date: December 8th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 11th 2010, 12:32 AM

In my experience doctors haven't really been much of a help, but it's different in different places to be honest, but by the sounds of it i think it might benefit you. they can arrange for you to see someone to talk properly about how you're feeling and find ways to distract yourself from thinking thoughts like that. I know it's horrible and it's hard but you only live once, and then you're gone. All the loved ones you've lost wouldn't want to see you cut your own life short, they'd want you to make the most of it. I know you're probably thinking, why would i want to make the most of it if i always feel like this, but things WILL get better, it literally is just up to time with a lot of things. and by the sound of things, if you really think it's getting to that point where you feel like you want to end it i would get proper help, and then overtime you'll start to feel better! I promise, nothing is ever worth taking your life over, no matter how hard it is, you gotta keep going


"There's nothing different about me. I'm just another bored male, approaching 30, in a dead-end job, who lives for the weekend. Casual sex, watered-down lager, heavily cut drugs. And occasionally kicking fuck out of someone."
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
harley Offline
I'm here to listen
Average Joe
***
 
harley's Avatar
 
Name: Harley
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Location: NM

Posts: 171
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: December 11th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 11th 2010, 09:15 PM

please dont do anything that your going to regret
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
tsc2077 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
tsc2077's Avatar
 
Age: 25

Posts: 11
Join Date: December 13th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 13th 2010, 04:20 AM

you need to run far away from that toxic atmosphere and then get help.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
turtleinthesea Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
turtleinthesea's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 12
Join Date: December 10th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 14th 2010, 02:32 PM

I have nowhere to run. I have no job, and not very much money. I don't have a close friend I can call and ask to sleep on their coach. I love my family. I just don't feel like I have a reason to get up in the morning, and no reason to get help. Pain is just temporary, it's that I have too much of it. Everything passes with time, but I honestly don't feel I can sit around and cope.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
harley Offline
I'm here to listen
Average Joe
***
 
harley's Avatar
 
Name: Harley
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Location: NM

Posts: 171
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: December 11th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 14th 2010, 04:36 PM

we can help there are places you can go to you can try antidepressants but suicide is not the answer please talk to me or someone else here at teen help we can help you
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
turtleinthesea Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
turtleinthesea's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 12
Join Date: December 10th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 14th 2010, 05:40 PM

I wasn't going to do anything I don't think until after Christmas. I want my family to be able to have a good Christmas. That way they wont be so sad years from now every December. I know it's stupid logic.
I can't think of anywhere to go. I don't want to go to a shelter.
   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
turtleinthesea Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
turtleinthesea's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 12
Join Date: December 10th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 14th 2010, 05:42 PM

I decided to go somewhere where no one could find me, that way maybe nobody ever would. And everyone could just assume I ran away.
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
harley Offline
I'm here to listen
Average Joe
***
 
harley's Avatar
 
Name: Harley
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Location: NM

Posts: 171
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: December 11th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 14th 2010, 06:30 PM

ok you found somewhere to go but are you going to be suicidal there have you tried antidepressants? Are you going to be stable at the place you found?
   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
turtleinthesea Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
turtleinthesea's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 12
Join Date: December 10th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 14th 2010, 08:10 PM

it's not a place to stay. It's just a place to go, for when i 'go'.
   
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
Ocean*girl2 Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Ocean*girl2's Avatar
 
Name: Eve
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: Playing hide and seek with the men in white coats

Posts: 112
Join Date: August 12th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 14th 2010, 11:08 PM

Please hold on. You can get through this. Have you tried counseling or anti depressants?


Hello, world

"And if you take my hand, my son, all will be well when the day is done."
   
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
turtleinthesea Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
turtleinthesea's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 12
Join Date: December 10th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 15th 2010, 12:32 AM

counseling doesn't work for me. And anti depressants just mask.
   
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
amzi Offline
Has Been Through It All
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
amzi's Avatar
 
Name: Amanda
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Calgary, Alberta

Posts: 11
Join Date: December 15th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 15th 2010, 04:39 AM

You need to find a creative outlet that gets you positive attention. Join things, become involved, and get over this creep. Men do not deal in emotion, they deal in logic, and if he sees you feeling hopeless, he will feed it. If you look insecure he will continue to manipulate you because he gets something from this sick situation, he lives on your negative energy. Stop clinging to the negativity. You being rid of this jerk will do wonders for your attitude and outlook on life. I learned a long time ago that if your parents don't treat you like they care, then be your own caretaker! No one will love you and respect you until you love and respect YOU, yourself!! Take care of you, that is your only job. FInd things to keep your busy and that will give you positive reinforcement and praise, you need an authorative figure to tell you positive things about you! Get a job and do a kick-ass job of it, get the recognition you deserve! There is light at the end of the tunnel! Maybe go to a doctor and get on some anti-depressants for now if you need a little more help! Killing yourself eliminates change or good possibilities in your life and will not make people miss you, they will only pity you, and then forget eventually. Make sure you live and make your life unforgettable!
   
  (#19 (permalink)) Old
amzi Offline
Has Been Through It All
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
amzi's Avatar
 
Name: Amanda
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Calgary, Alberta

Posts: 11
Join Date: December 15th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 15th 2010, 04:42 AM

P.S. I can tell you`re not really that committed to this. You want someone to talk you out of it and on the internet no one knows you or your situation in depth, so it`s easy to generate sympathy. I am not going to sway that way, you need to know that this is just fuelling your self-pity. Take control of your life, and do it now!!
   
  (#20 (permalink)) Old
harley Offline
I'm here to listen
Average Joe
***
 
harley's Avatar
 
Name: Harley
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Location: NM

Posts: 171
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: December 11th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 15th 2010, 05:43 AM

Suicide is not an option please talk to us we care about your life and we can help please talk to us
   
  (#21 (permalink)) Old
z3r0slip Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
z3r0slip's Avatar
 
Name: Blythe
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: USA

Posts: 46
Join Date: December 15th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 15th 2010, 06:31 AM

you know what? stop thinking about it, just think abour all the negatives to death. ive had panic attacks all my life scared i was gonna die and never wanted to die, then my life turned to crap. ive tried to kill myself, i did not want to die, i didnt even want to kill myself but i tried. the reason i did it was cause there was nothing to help me, i tried to kill myself on my last day of rehab. even doctors dont help. you just gotta deal with shit, hell, i even wana kill myself right now too cuz i feel like nothing helps, find a vice, even if its not the healthiest, thats what i did. it doesnt help, but it numbs that hopeless feeling. oh, and i guess just look for help on internet ect, it might help.
   
  (#22 (permalink)) Old
turtleinthesea Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
turtleinthesea's Avatar
 
Age: 28

Posts: 12
Join Date: December 10th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 27th 2010, 03:30 AM

I'm going to do it later tonight as soon as everyones in bed. I don't have much to lose. I feel like my dignity has been taken from me. I've been a stupid fool. I want out.

Thank you all for caring. It meant a lot to me.
   
  (#23 (permalink)) Old
Blair Offline
<3
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Blair's Avatar
 
Name: Blair
Age: 23
Gender: Chick
Location: This moment

Posts: 491
Blog Entries: 13
Join Date: December 7th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 27th 2010, 03:40 AM

If you choose to kill yourself now, you'll die miserable. Wouldn't you rather die happy when it's actually time?


Just Keep Breathing
   
  (#24 (permalink)) Old
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
minniemouseprincess's Avatar
 
Name: Julia
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Location: Disney World=)

Posts: 1,015
Join Date: December 17th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 28th 2010, 04:39 AM

DO NOT KILL YOURSELF! Yes things are bad now but do you honestly think they will never ever get better? Every passing day of your life will be a living hell? No. Things will get better day by day. You have to believe though and you have to see it. You miss the little things that make each day better. It could be things like talking to friends on the phone, seeing a pretty flower while you are out walking, it could be anything. You don't see the good because you are too focused on the bad. You need to be more commited to turning your life around than this. No one can turn it around for you, you must do it yourself. If you want help, you need to decide that you want it. If you want someone to talk to, you need to decide that you want someone. If you want to be happy, you need to decide to be happy. These are things no one can do for you. This is all YOU.


   
  (#25 (permalink)) Old
sonialifedesign Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
sonialifedesign's Avatar
 
Age: 23

Posts: 5
Join Date: December 28th 2010

Re: I think I'm going to kill myself - December 28th 2010, 08:49 AM

There are so many things to live for! Of course it is your family that opens the door of happiness but if yours in an exception case, there is nothing to be depressed about it! Do not panic! Divert yourself in some other direction rather than thinking about committing suicides and all. Instead why don't you go for meditation and hypnotherapy process that will help you to relax and will offer you a fertile direction to live on!
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
kill

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.