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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
gooner91 Offline
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All alone - December 17th 2010, 07:26 PM

For the last 6 months i've felt so fed up and alone. I've never been someone thats always happy, when I was 7 my dad died and I was never the most popular person in the world.

So last year I met my first boyfriend, he made me so happy, I felt like I could tell him anythin. He's the only person I have ever opened up to about my dad. But then he broke up with me, no reason at all and all over the phone. After that he refused to talk to me. This was all 6 months ago and I expected to be over him by now, we were only together for 6 months but he became such a good friend and then he just changed.

Now I feel like I have nobody to talk to, when im upset I look at my phone for someone to call and theres no-one. My best friend works in a different city so she's either at work or to tired to go out. All my other friends go to university and after I dropped out of university last year i've been struggling to find a job.

My ex-boyfriend is the only person I have been sexual with and now, I feel disgusting, I feel disgusting for letting him near me. Ive tried so hard to hate him when in reality I just hate myself.

I was also diagnosed with mild OCD shortly after he broke up with me, this was one of the reasons I left university, I would spend hours checking my door was locked and making sure all cupboard doors were shut properly before I could get to sleep. Usually I wouldnt be able to get any sleep, the only time I would sleep would be because I couldnt keep my eyes open any longer.

But I feel so alone, I dont have anyone to talk to. I don't have much in common with my family, sometimes I think I just get in the way really. The other day my nan and grandad came round, said hi to my brother an nothing to me. I feel like im the disappointment of the family, I didn't do as well in my exams as my brothers, they have both just graduated from uni and I dropped out.

I just want to be happy but I can't even remember the last time there was a day that I didnt cry. Im back to crying myself to sleep like I did after my dad died and I hate it. I just give up because nothing seems to work. This time last year I was so happy and now I feel like everythings fell apart, I just don't no what to do.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: All alone - December 17th 2010, 09:26 PM

I am sorry for what's been going on. But I want you to remember that things won't always be bad. This is just a bump in the road of life for you. Things will get better little by little. If you ever need to talk, you can message me if you want. I am new here too.

  (#3 (permalink)) Old
*CatchingStars* Offline
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Re: All alone - December 17th 2010, 10:25 PM

i know how you feel i feel the same way at point in my life i speand most of my time in my room im only 16 thou and i live with my dad and step mom

i was taken away from my mom when i was lil she was on drugs and my step mom treats me so bad so im practically alone and i do the same thing look throu my phone for someone to call and find no one who will understand me you just got to hang in there you will find someone who loves you and will accept you for who you are if you ever ever need to talk pm or vm me because i know how much it hurts to be alone in this world hope u feel better feel free to pm or vm me i will try to get bak to u asap if you decide to talk

Life is too

Short to spend

It at war with


Iím catching stars in the sky because I am fixing the soul within me. May it be from the heart a girl broke years ago or my soul simply repairing itself as it was shattered on my walk on this earth. May the stardust fill those cracks within my soul making me brand new, but never forgetting who I once was.

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Amember Offline
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Re: All alone - December 17th 2010, 11:30 PM

My condolences for your lose, it's a hard thing to go through unfortunately. As for your ex, well... The "no reason" card is one of my most hated things when it comes to relationships, paranoia can really stir that up for me. Put it like this, you're not alone. You may physically feel it, but whether it's just online, via text, email, phone, etc. You can talk to someone, anyone for that matter. Especially online, you can meet plenty of people. I think you should try take your mind of things and occupy yourself with new things that is safe and not regrettable.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, about anything, even for just a chat I am more than happy to chat; even through just PMs on this site.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Life17 Offline
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Re: All alone - December 19th 2010, 12:35 AM

I think you should try to find someone that you can talk to at anytime someone who you can trust and will give you positive feedback
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
gooner91 Offline
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Re: All alone - December 23rd 2010, 09:02 PM

Thankyou for your messages. I was meant to be hangin out with my best friend 2nite 2 give each other xmas presents, but 10 mins b4 she was meant to come over she txt me saying she couldnt, and sadly i was expetin her to cancel. Shes the one person i feel i can trust but shes never around anymore now thats shes workin in birmingham. So i drank a whole 150ml bottle of alcohol within a half hour, so i wouldnt feel anythin, so i could just forget. I feel so alone like thers no1 that will talk to me, i just want to leave this country and go somewhere else, where no1 knows who i am so i can just start all over again. shes meant to be my best friend but she cant even make 5 minutes for me, if i cant rely on my best friend then who can i rely on?
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: All alone - December 24th 2010, 02:52 PM

You're never alone. There are so many people on here that would love to talk to you about whatever you want to talk about. You can talk to me any time. That is a normal reaction after you split up with someone. Im sorry to hear that things didnt work out You're not a let down, I promise. Just think of all the good things youv acheived in your life! There are always people who care and will talk to.

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