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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
My_Hero Offline
Lil' Rocker Chick 8)
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Age: 26
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Join Date: December 22nd 2010

Sometimes I hate myself. - December 25th 2010, 02:42 AM

I'm stupid and a bitch and I always let people down and I isolate myself and get distant from my friends. And it hurts them and I know that but I don't give a shit because I'm so self centered and such a terrible person.
I don't get why I can't just fucking say the things I want to say so badly. I don't get what I'm so afraid of. I'm just such a dumbass. I bottle things up even though I have every opportunity to let them out; but nooo, I guess my fucked up mind just sees it better to hide away for the rest of my freaking life.
I over exaggerate my problems because I'm an attention seeking whore. That's it; all I want is peoples attention and their pity. Oh poor poor fucking me and my "problems". I create my problems and drag innocent people along for the ride. My life is so much better than so many people out there but all I do is complain about stupid things. Who the fuck cares if my dad sucks? I deserve everything he throws at me! I deserve worse than that.
I just want to cut myself because I fucking deserve the pain. I deserve to have to hide the marks and deal with the scars.

Ignore this if you want, I guess I just needed to rant >.>

We all need somebody to lean on <3
~I will survive, I will endure.
When the going's rough, you can be sure;
I'll tough it out, I won't give in. When I'm knocked down I'll get up again.
As long as my dream's alive, I Will Survive~
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Sythan Offline
Our life is what we make it
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Re: Sometimes I hate myself. - December 25th 2010, 02:49 AM

Your avatar says it all. You are a wonderful empowered human being. We all go through turbulent times, do not deny yourself the pleasure of life. Become open to everyone and everything, you must give yourself up and let go of the hate and anger.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Nightmare Offline
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Re: Sometimes I hate myself. - December 25th 2010, 03:42 AM

I know you better than anyone *Name*...it kills me to stumble upon this while we talk on AIM and you pretend that you're happy.
But, I'm going to post here to reiterate what i'm telling you right now on AIM.
You are one of the strongest people I have ever known. You have a hell of a life at home and you make it through the day. You help me even though my problems are insignificant in comparison, and don't complain nearly as often as I think you should. You're the farthest thing from an "attention seeking whore" possible, half the time I have to coax you just to open up and you always put on a smile even when you feel like your dying inside. You're amazing, you really are. Most days I don't even understand how you make it through. I know sometimes you get down and feel shitty, so do I, so do we all, but remember that a lot of people love you. And remember our pact? Graham may no longer need us two to not cut, but you and I still need each other to keep it. Stay strong *name+ie*, just like I know you are.

You can't ~Here to help! PM me!!~
take away
my strength
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Hiraeth Offline
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Re: Sometimes I hate myself. - December 25th 2010, 10:47 AM

First of all, .

It always pains me to see such strong negative self-talk - that people are unable to recognize the inherent beauty in their being - the intrinsic beauty, the miracle, of existence itself. What is something that you find beautiful? Perhaps a flower, a sunset, a particular gesture of kindness, whatever - the same beauty radiating from that, and any other source, also resides in you. In you, me, in everything and everyone - it is always there, just up to the individual to recognize it.

I don't believe that you would consciously choose to be a "terrible person", feel horrible about it, and continue to stick with that choice despite so. In fact, I don't believe that such thing as "terrible person" really exists, since everything in life is ultimately subjective, but that's somewhat besides the point. I believe that self-hate arises when one's thoughts and actions are incongruent with the spirit within; it is the manifestation of the deepest sense of discomfort with one's state of being.

And the truth is, we are not always in a position to consciously, rationally make choices for ourselves. In every moment, we are shaped and affected by countless different forces from every single direction possible - and we naturally react to them with habitual reactions, so instinctive that just the act of identifying them can take tremendous effort. In that respect, knowing that something is wrong about the way things are now isn't very helpful unless one is at the least, able to locate a general source of the discomfort.

It is also instinctive to blame oneself - negative energy seeks to perpetuate itself - but some things really are not your fault. You can't help it - and that's okay, because no one is perfect.

I know this is a rant, and you probably weren't expecting a long wordy response - I just think that it's always good to strive towards self-awareness - it is the first step towards healing.

Take care for now.
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