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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Marisa
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Oh god - December 26th 2010, 07:02 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well, it's me again..... Things are as bad a always, no they're worse. As you know it's Xmas and I actually got some good stuff. But I guess that's not the point. I went to a bday party for my friend the other day and we watched scary movies. I've always hated scary movies cuz I get scared easily. We watched the bogey man and that literally scared me out of my mind. I haven't slept more than a couple hours since then and it's driving me even crazier. I hate this feeling, plus I'm adding that to the feeling that nothing is real so I'm even more confused than ever. I'm not sure I'm going to last three days until my next counseling session. I've been feeling this way for a long time, even before the movie, my life lately has just been fear and confusion and numbness. Fun? No way. Would you like to live like that? Because I sure don't. The only thing keeping me alive is pure hope that it'll get better, and my hope is fading really quickly.


If I smiled and said I'm fine, would you look in to my eyes, and say "Tell the truth"?
   
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Re: Oh god - December 26th 2010, 05:21 PM

Hi Marisa.

How are you doing today? I'm not sure what kind of time zone you're in, but it looks like you may have posted this at night. Know that nights are usually always harder than days, and that if you can get through the nights by looking forward to the days, I think you're going to be able to make it. I love hearing that you're in counseling and that you're looking forward to that next session that's only two days away now! If you can, perhaps you might try writing down how you're feeling each day (or even more than once a day) in a journal that you could share with your counselor. I think this would help you guys to maybe figure out at what points of the day, if any, you may feel worse than others...which can help you push yourself toward recovery...and of course, writing things down rather than bottling them up is always a good thing. (:

Let me tell you, as far as scary movie goes, I'm right there with you! I am NOT a fan of scary movies, and I can definitely relate to you as far as being scared even several days after seeing a scary movie. I really wish I had better advice to give you on that one, but all I can say is to surround yourself with positive people (and people in general - we were all meant to live life together, with other people), and try to ease your mind. You deserve peace and happiness over this holiday season and for the rest of 2010 for sure. And hey, 2011 - our "new start," is coming right up!

Keep your hope going, sweet pea. I think there's something remarkably incredible about having hope, and I am so proud of you for realizing that. Have you ever heard of GivesMeHope? Its this amazing site of just beautiful things that happen in the world. It always makes me incredibly happy, so I hope you'll check it out if you get a chance.

Hang in there. Keep reaching out. We're here for you! Take good care of yourself.



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