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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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I can't cope any more. - December 28th 2010, 05:15 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

All these years of putting on a mask, pretending to be 'fine, just fine', not being allowed to break down because it would ruin everything. Not being allowed to cry in front of my mum because it would start her off, or crying in front of my brother because it would cause arguments, not being able to cry in front of friends, or even let them know something is wrong because i would have to tell them everything.
Why is it I have to be the adult around here? My mum should be caring for me, my brother should at least not be violent.
When your little you aren't supposed to be holding a family afloat, you aren't supposed to be the one your mother cries on, or the one your brother hits, you're supposed to be the one your mother supports, and lets you cry on them. The youngest sibling is supposed to be looked after and loved and parents are supposed to love you more than they love money. 10 year olds aren't supposed to stop their mother from committing suicide, or keeping their brother on the right road so they don't fall off the rails.
Childhoods are supposed to be fun, and even know, at 14, I should be having fun. I shouldn't have been reduced to this empty shell of a person whilst keeping everything fine for everyone else.

Once, just once, I want someone to see past this mask and help me, not to just dismiss it because im not alright, Im not! Im dying inside, and I don't want to do this any more. I want to get help, I want to be loved and to love, but I cant! Im not the kind of person to ever ask for help, the only way I would ever talk to someone was if they forced me, but they dont, because no one cares enough to realize im not fine, just fine, as I always say. I was never allowed to cry, I was never allowed to hurt and its just not fair.

I just can't live like this any more, and Im done being a shell of the person I used to be.
Im all alone, so why bother living? Yes, Im a fucking coward, but lets face it, some people just ant handle life.


-hangin' on by a thread
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Re: I can't cope any more. - December 28th 2010, 09:42 PM

First off I just want to say you're not alone.. Everyone has times in life they feel they just cant handle it. I know ive had my fair share.

I can totally relate to the putting on a mask, aspect.. Not being able to show anyone how you really feel.. Feeling as if you have to hold the family together..

I know its rough..

But, you need to bother living. Because life is worth it. You may have just not experienced it yet. You need to find hope and the power within yourself, the motivation to keep going, even though your surroundings may make it seem like its impossible... Its not.

It may take time and it may be a hard road, but in the end it will be worth it.

If you want someone to talk or vent to, or want some coping techniques or anything, feel free to message me or anyone here on teen help. We're all here for eachother.. (:


"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." <3


Feel free to PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to, or just want someone to listen. I'm also always up for making new friends.
   
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Re: I can't cope any more. - December 29th 2010, 01:39 AM

Believe it or not Robyn, were the same. We both have to be adults because were living in madness. Family problems, friend issues, im all too familiar with it. Let me tell you that you need to find yourself. Not physically but mentally and spiritually, you need to realize that inside yourself, lies someone that nothing can stand against.
   
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Re: I can't cope any more. - December 29th 2010, 09:00 PM

you're definitely not a coward. I haven't even met you, but i know that just by staying alive you make peole happy.
Remember there's always someone you can talk to
xx
   
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