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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Help..? - February 21st 2011, 11:51 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

What is wrong with me?!?!

I should be happy. Things should be good. Things are good, at least they're better than they have been in a long time. I'm better than I have been in a long time. I'm not in as much of a cesspit of depression as I was. But I keep on deliberately fucking things up. Why can't I let myself be okay?! Why do I have to cut myself and make myself throw up? Why do I keep on doing this all the fucking time?? I sit and think about suicide, about overdosing or jumping off a building. I don't want to do it. I don't. But I sit and think about it. It's like I can't let myself move on. I can't let myself let go of this shit, I just keep hanging on to it though it just keeps on dragging me down.



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Re: Help..? - February 21st 2011, 11:58 PM

Maybe you have depression? Have you talked to anyone about how you are particularly feeling???


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Re: Help..? - February 22nd 2011, 12:01 AM

Depression is something that can lay dormant for a long time. You can be really happy for a while, and then all of a sudden, out of no where, be severely depressed. It doesn't even matter how happy you are or how amazing your life is. Depression is a mental disease that clings on to you and won't let you go! Cutting your wrists or making yourself throw up is not the way to go (I should know, I've been all the way there too) for me, I thought it was satisfying to watch blood slowly crawl from my wrists. But I found out, that it didn't make me feel any better, I still felt like shit. I also found out that I was not only hurting myself, I was hurting the people around me. I suggest (if you haven't already) that you should go see a doctor or a counselor, and tell a good friend all of this too. It's not easy to keep it all inside, you have to have someone to help. PM me if you ever need to talk.


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Re: Help..? - February 22nd 2011, 12:10 AM

Thanks for the replies guys.

It's just I've seen plenty of people, doctors, nurses, counsellors, and talked to loads of people and people have talked to me but not much has changed. I guess, not as much as I thought had changed. I think I probably kid myself that how I feel, what I do, is normal. My last counsellor said that I would grow out of it. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. I just don't know what to do now..?


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Re: Help..? - February 22nd 2011, 12:12 AM

The doctors didn't put you on any meds??


Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

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Re: Help..? - February 22nd 2011, 12:16 AM

No.To be honest though, I have never really told anyone everything. No one knows that I've attempted suicide, or even think about it and when i told a counsellor found out i make myself sick i stopped seeing her. I know I need to be more honest, but I can't and don't want to be :/ I'm too scared. I just want it all to be better somehow.


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Re: Help..? - February 24th 2011, 01:12 AM

The only way for things to be better is if you start telling the truth hun. thats the only way you can get the help that you are wanting !
<3 You can do thiss


Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

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