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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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How did you become depressed? - February 26th 2011, 02:20 PM

Nosey question, I'm just wondering I think i became depressed because my friends had left me and they weren't nice ones so i lost them and had NONE! so just wondering!...and when was the last time you were happy?
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Re: How did you become depressed? - February 26th 2011, 02:47 PM

I think it was due to my parents and home situation and then other things built up on top of that. And my truthful answer to that; i don't remember the last time i was truely happy.

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Re: How did you become depressed? - February 26th 2011, 05:01 PM

I think it was a build up of things; dealing with the memories of childhood sexual abuse, coming to terms with the fact that my parents had divorced, were never getting back together and actualy hate each other, my mum having end stage kidney failure, friends turning their backs on me, my boyfriend being manipulative annnnd being picked on at school.
To be fair though, most of that stuff has been dealt with or is no longer relevant now but I'm still depressed.
The last time I was happy was when I thought I'd landed my dream job and that my life was headed in the right direction. The job offer got retracted because I self harm and now I'm back to being depressed as normal. Is it wierd that I find it oddly comforting when things go wrong? or is it just that that's what I'm used to?
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Re: How did you become depressed? - February 26th 2011, 05:03 PM

Well, my parents have been fighting since birth.
I was bullied at school.
And the philosophy that runs in my blood caused me to become suicidal.

That's basically it.
It makes me feel like a drama queen.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How did you become depressed? - February 27th 2011, 07:25 PM

I was bullied starting in the 5th grade. Every day.
Then my grandmother and sister used to yell and fight.. Usually about me. My older sister was very jealous of me, and I'm not quite sure why. My sister used to beat me up a bit. When they fought, I used to hide in my closet in the dark with my hands over my ears. Things started sucking around then too. I guess that's where it started.

The last time I was truly happy.. Two years ago when my ex (who I have always been in love with, even to this day) took me back.. two weeks later I was cheated on and dumped.. But that two week period was the happiest I've been in a while. But after we broke up, I felt a bit guilty and I felt terrible.. So I was worse off than before we got back together.

"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

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Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

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Re: How did you become depressed? - February 27th 2011, 07:28 PM

My parents splitting up and my mum never being home and then remarrying. My boyfriend breaking up with me really brought it on.

And here you are living, despite it all.
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Re: How did you become depressed? - February 28th 2011, 02:40 AM

I actually have no idea what started my depression when I was 11. I'm kind of guessing a mixture of family, social and school issues had something to do with it.

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Re: How did you become depressed? - February 28th 2011, 03:12 AM

My counselor states that mine is a direct result of my PTSD from my rape. I don't know if that's all of it, but a lot just piled up on top of everything.

I think sometimes, depression is a result of many things that, one at a time, can be handled, but when it builds and builds, it just feels awful.

And, for some people, it's not situational. It's all a physical thing that meds are the only hope to correct it.

I think I was last happy...well, I don't really know. It's few and far between, but the days happen at the most random of times.

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Re: How did you become depressed? - March 7th 2011, 08:57 PM

My depression started from bullying. Years of being an outcast, having no friends, and being treated like shit everyday just finally...got to me. Everything went downhill from there, but I'm feeling better again.
The last time I was happy? Last friday. I found out my sister is pregnant. It'll be my 7th niece or nephew.

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Re: How did you become depressed? - March 8th 2011, 12:21 AM

well my reason for depression is bc of my child hood n my life now. dont have many friends. nobody understands me. my friend tat commited suicide in 2008. being in mental hospitals for weeks n then months. felt like i was a screw up n didnt belong here. felt like nobody cared for me. i was always suicidal sence i my younger years. always been depressed bout something.

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Re: How did you become depressed? - March 8th 2011, 05:34 AM

Not that I am now, but when I got severe depression last summer, it was because the ending of school meant that I couldn't see the girl I liked anymore, which triggered it. After (when I needed my friends the most), they didn't bother calling me up. To be fair, I worked a lot during the summer, but it was painful to hear they had all gone to the beach or gone swimming when I was free that day. And so it escalated by not having anyone to talk to, being shut in my room for days without coming out, and being so used to the dark that my body/eyes ached whenever I went outside.

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Re: How did you become depressed? - March 13th 2011, 08:51 PM

I was teased badly in primary school. People called me names and laughed at me when I started in secondary school; including my friends, who called me 'worm' for 2 years because I hadn't grown out of a 'tomboy' phase yet, and who make sure I know quite how much of a freak I am; "No offense, you know it's true". My then best friend, who at the time had severe anger management problems, was tormented because some people in my year thought it was funny to make her so angry she would actually try to hurt them, and I felt absolutely useless and pathetic because I was the only one who seemed able/willing to try to calm her down and I couldn't stop people doing it. I have very low self esteem. Apparently I put too much pressure on myself to do well in school to the extent that I don't do much besides work. I find expressing emotions difficult and as such left everything bottled up for too long. I started SHing, was bulimic for a bit, and it all spiralled out of control =(

I was truly happy for about for about fifteen minutes randomly about 2 months ago and it was so amazing I started crying. Everything seemed to click and I thought for the first time in months, maybe longer, that it might be possible for things to be okay if I just kept going. I wish I could have held onto it for longer.
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Re: How did you become depressed? - March 14th 2011, 12:45 AM

Hmm... Being a very social nine-year-old, homeschooled off and on, but not for a very long time. I thought I'd like to be homeschooled for the rest of my life. Ironically, it was the worst choice I ever made, because after three years of being completely friendless but for my imagination, I went what I'll call partially insane and became depressed and suicidal at twelve.

So I holed myself up in my sickly yellow bedroom and did what I did best: endured. I lost my belief in God when he didn't answer my prayers to find a friend, which only added to the hopelessness. I actually stood on the edge of a rock cliff, once, looking down at the barbed wire fence and thinking of jumping...

Then I found this really great band summer 2011, started writing my own music, changed my hair and clothes, and started letting my feelings run free. Ended up screaming my head off at my little siblings when they so much as looked at me, crying in front of my family a lot (when I wasn't simply staring at walls), and being terrified of what might be lurking at the bottom of the stairs or creeping up, waiting to leap out at me and attack me (my room was in the attic). Still my mom wouldn't let me go to school. So I went to both my dad and my mom at the same time, and told them calmly that I wanted to go. Thankfully, my dad understood and let me go.

So now I'm pretty much a happy girl, though I've lost my social attitude (except around certain people), am very moody, dye my hair odd colors (blue is currently my favorite), wear dark clothes, still haven't got much faith in any kind of religion, and am very easily succeptable to going back to suicidal thoughts. One suicidal thought week before last, one this week (I try to keep track, so if it starts getting bad again I can ask my mom for counseling). But I've never tried to act on it, or went as far as to prepare myself for the act, for two years. Or maybe since last spring... I can't really remember; that time was such a blur between imagination and reality that half the time I'd mix real life up with dreams.

And of course there's the imaginary demon that stays in my doorway staring at me (I call it the 'branch demon') when I'm really tired. But I think it's more standing guard than anything.

But besides all that, I'm alright now.

EDIT: Oh, I didn't answer the second question! The last time I was truly happy was on Friday, when the girl I have a crush on and me sat together on the bus, and she called me a vampire for being coldskinned and dark and antisocial, and I called her a beaver for chewing on a toothpick, both of us laughing our heads off. She insisted on checking my wrist for a pulse, which made me feel sort of dizzy and glad...

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Re: How did you become depressed? - March 14th 2011, 11:53 AM

i would say i became depressed as early as age ten..

i was badly bullied all through school...

started having suicidal thoughts/feelings/intentions starting at age thirteen...

i have had people tell me that im a attention seeker...which is the WORST thing someone can say to you...

as for your second question:i dont remember the last time i was truly happy..i really dont
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Re: How did you become depressed? - March 14th 2011, 12:06 PM

There are so many answers to that question. I can't really name one which can cover all of them.

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Re: How did you become depressed? - March 20th 2011, 06:44 PM

I have been living with abuse from my parents my whole life (but only realized it a few months ago when I started counseling in secret). I don't know how long I've suffered, but I know that I've contemplated death and harming myself on a more constant basis since I guess last September. I didn't know I was depressed exactly until the beginning of February after a harsh episode with my parents, and I had ran off to stay with my riding instructor. She has depression so she said that it sounded like I had depression. I'll know for sure (hopefully) on the 11th of April when I go to see my new doctor.

I was also hit pretty hard when me and my best friend (we'd been best friends our entire lives) broke apart last year, and I remember a couple of years before that I tried burning myself. So I guess I've been depressed for a long time, I just didn't see the signs
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Re: How did you become depressed? - March 20th 2011, 06:49 PM

I've been depressed on and off for a while now. It's caused by a few things. Bullying is a big one because I've had it all my life. Paranoia sparks up and makes it worse and anxiety doesn't help either. Also just the general feeling that I'm not good enough.

The last time I was truely happy wasn't too long ago. I only recently became depressed again, so it was about 5 or so days ago. I miss it though.

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Re: How did you become depressed? - March 20th 2011, 08:48 PM

I think the main triggers for me were that my mum has been ill with depression since I was three after being abused, which lead to many hospitalizations, my sister suffering mild depression and anorexia and my dad having a breakdown and seriously attempting suicide as well as my mum and sister overdosing in the past. Then my parents splitting up and not having contact with my dad.

I was truly happy about five years back. I have happy moments now I guess, but its not true happiness.

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