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gloves123 Offline
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Unhappy beond repair - March 13th 2011, 04:09 PM

everything seems to be getting darker. my guy friend moved away after christamas break but i still cant look down his old street without feeling like im being stabed. And i keep on looking down the street to see if he is coming to the bus stop but i know he isnt ever coming to the bus stop ever again. i dont know his phone number and he lives 3 hours away and i dont know his adress or e-mail him leaving defenitly didnt do any good for my depression. i dont know how long its been going on but i think 2 years now and i started cutting this year at the begining of the year and havent cut for 18 days and i promised myself i wouldent cut until my b-day so i only have to be strong for about another weekthen i can cut again but this time in a place no one will ever see. i cant seem to be happy for more than a minute and its even harder to deal without my friend here for some reason i mean its not like i told him about it but it was just a little easyer with him here but now that he's gone.......... everythings darker. ive tried to comite suicide once (or at least i think i was) but didnt because i got scared....ive decided not to tell my parents about this because i dont want to see a counciller or go through a gut renchingly long talk about why i didnt tell them or why im depressed because i honestly dont know..i just feel like ive been holding on waiting for someone to notice my depression but now, ive figured out no ones coming to save me so im losing my grip. oh wait i think i know one reason why im depressed its because since fith grade (halfway through) ive been sitting outside on the portable steps for recess because for four years i had only one friend and had just stopped that friendship that year then in sixth grade i walked around at recess with my friend that i had never hung out with for half a year until she told me she didnt want to hang out as much and i was alone at the door at recess but even though i have lots of friends this year im still depressed so thats one reason. so i guess im just a fat ugly stupid idiotic person who can do anything right. i guess im a lost case.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Katley Offline
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Re: beond repair - March 13th 2011, 05:32 PM

1. Not a lost cause
2. Things can and will get better
3. That friend wasnt worth YOUR time if they didn't want to give u theirs
4. Keep breathing and getting through the day. Look for opprotunities to be happy. Look for good things.
5. U can and will get through this.

Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: beond repair - March 13th 2011, 05:38 PM

Hey there,
First off, I'm really sorry you're feeling so upset darling, and for your friend leaving.
I've been through a major depression episode, and I know it's not easy to get out of it. But you need to know, you can. It's possible.
No one on this entire planet is a stupid idiotic person. The world can't hurt you, if you don't let the world hurt you.
You're going a through a really tough time. But you need to assert yourself. I know you want to get out of it. And to get out of it, you need to hold on to all the hope that you've got. All the reasons, however small or insignificant they may seem, to strengthen yourself. Find reasons to smile. Feeling good, feeling happy, gives you strength to conquer your worst fears and pains.
When you give yourself reasons not to SH, every time you want to or feel like it, you can stop yourself from hurting.
Honey, sometimes, people don't notice really when others are hurting or are depressed, so sometimes, it needs to be conveyed to them. That's why it may have seemed like no one was there for you.
Depression comes from many incidents that build up, that you may never know, but the root cause remains the same, which extends to other aspects of life. You need to look into yourself. Affirm to yourself that you can do this, you can get out of this depression you feel you're in. It's all a state of mind.
What's happened has happened. You can't change the past. But you can change the now and the future. Start afresh. If you're friend was that mean to you, then wasn't really worth calling a friend now, is she? Change what you can. That can happen only if you want it to. And only you can make that change!
Give yourself reasons to feel happy, not to harm yourself. To break the cycle of depression, you need to do something. For yourself. Not for anyone but you. Do all the things that make you happy, whether it's listening to music, or dancing, or drawing, or writing, and they're just a few examples. When you get on to doing something you enjoy and you keep at it, you feel good, and that helps ease the pain that you feel. And make you happy. And when you're happy, everyone around you will be happy, and your world becomes happy. You need to make that effort, however hard it may seem, to break that cycle of continued depression. Think only good things of yourself. Not bad. You'll see a difference. Be who you want to be because you can, and because no one can hurt you, not even yourself, with out your consent!
And, remember, what's the most beautiful, is what's on the inside. <33

If you need to talk, pm/vm me anytime.
Take care <3

~Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above.
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

Concrete Angel

"And so I grew from colt to stallion
As wild and as reckless as thunder over the land.
Racing with the eagle, soaring with the wind.
Flying? There were times I believed I could."

HelpLINK Mentor - 2.4.2011
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