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Utterly_Alone Offline
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Angry Every Single Time!!! (Language) - April 19th 2011, 08:31 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, so this month of April started out really well:
I went to Anime Detour with my friends and had a great time... But on friday my friend made us stay until 12am and wouldn't let us go home until SHE was fucking ready! So, I got grounded for the rest of the month
It all went downhill from there.
I was talking to a therapist and she asked 'Do you ever consider committing suicide?' and I said 'yeah.. sometimes' and left it at that which was a STUPID thing to do! Because now my family has been tip-toeing around the goddamn house, checking up on me every five fucking minutes!
Last week I got a call from my cousin that my other cousin, Anneice, was dying of cancer. The next day, she dies! It would have been nice to fucking know she had cancer a long time ago!! Then we would have come to visit! Then a few days afterwards, I called my Pa and his wife picked up saying he'd turned himself in for using again and might end up back in jail!!! I JUST got him back! He JUST got out last year and I was getting used to seeing him.
Then, my mother found out I had my step-dad buy my compression shirt and my STP-Packer and she got all pissed and said that I have no empathy (whatever that is...) and that I was taking advantage of my stepdad's love by treating him like shit at home and then asking him to buy me stuff, making him think that buying me stuff will make me love him. What kind of crazy shit is that!? I guess it's kinda crazy shit I'd do, right? I'm so sick of this bullshit! Every time I get used to enjoying life, some shit like this happens and everything goes down the goddamn drain!
I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I should just give up now. I've got a hundred feet of rope in my room and I think I'll hang myself with it, because I'm sick being told I'm crazy, sick of treating people bad without meaning to, sick of being who I am, sick of who I'm with.
I feel like everyone is just pretending to love me because THEY would feel guilty if I committed suicide. Whatever, Bro... I'm fucking done.

You don't answer my emails. You don't pick up the phone.
So, I know that you have left me Utterly_Alone.

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dr2005 Offline
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Re: Every Single Time!!! (Language) - April 19th 2011, 10:31 PM

Hey Jack,

I'm really sorry things haven't gone at all to plan - to have that much happen in a year would knock most people for six, never mind a month, so I can understand how it would make you feel like that. Bereavement in particular is always hard to deal with especially if it is sudden like with your cousin, and again I am truly sorry about that, and coupled with the family issues and everything else you mention it does sound heavy going to put it mildly. Other than recommend you discuss all of what you've mentioned with your therapist next time you see them (and if you need to push them to discuss things properly rather than just letting it lie as with the last appointment), all I can say is that as shit as things have been this month you will have much better months in the future. When I had one particularly bad month when I was 15 I came off the school bus and told my mum, with all seriousness, I was going to kill myself. Eight years down the line, I'm still here. Hopefully that will help show I'm not just saying it for the sake of it.
If things get to the stage where it is getting too hard to cope with then I would strongly recommend utilising one of the Hotlines if you can in addition to your therapist. Other than that, if you want to PM or VM feel free to and remember that it can and will get better - and more importantly, you deserve things getting better.

Hope some of that helps and take care.

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

However bleak things seem, however insurmountable the darkness appears, remember that you have worth and nothing can take that away.

Originally Posted by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart! View Post
If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
RIP Nick
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Every Single Time!!! (Language) - April 19th 2011, 11:36 PM

Please don't kill yourself. You have so much more life to live. There are lots of people who make your life difficult, and it can seem like they're surrounding you, but things will get better. I promise.

Hey! You are my sunshine on a rainy day, it's gonna be okay.
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