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ohhmy Offline
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I wish I wasn't so scared. - April 21st 2011, 02:52 AM

If I wasn't so scared to do anything, I wouldn't be here. I mean honestly I am terrified of pain, yet I self harm. I refuse to get shots, I don't even have anything pierced on my body. I don't like getting bruises, I don't even like popping pimples. I'm scared of the pain. I'm scared of getting hurt. I wish I wasn't. Since I'm scared I just put up with all this shit and then have days like this were I just go to school, sleep and cry. I'm tired of it. I'm trying to figure out a more painless way of killing myself. Maybe taking a bunch of pills and trying to get drunk to pass out. I don't know. I've never drank alcohol except for a few sips. I could probably give it a shot. I'm just fed up with everything. School sucks, my parents suck, do they even care about me anymore ? All they care about is taking away things from me. Oh you take away my phone thinking I'm going to do better in school ? No. I'm not. I'm going to sit here and cry because I don't have anyone to talk to tat could possibly get my mind off things. So thanks. I just, ugh. I don't even know.
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Re: I wish I wasn't so scared. - April 21st 2011, 04:55 AM

Hey hugs, I'm sorry. My parents did something similar too...they'd fight and when I'd get into a fight with them, they took my computer away. I know what it is like to be cut off from communicating...and I know the depression and the fear of being hurt.
One thing that you can't ever forget is that your parents do care. They took your phone away to see if they can help you do better in school. Parents are parents, they will rarely/never be on the same level as us, but they do truly care about you. They do what they think is best, even if it ends up being the worst thing.
Also, please don't kill yourself. Depression is one thing, but suicide is another. Have you ever thought of what would happen if your parents died? How you would be at their funeral (and even if you think about saying you'd be generally okay with it, think of what it would really be like)? They aren't there to make you smile/laugh, to make you cry, to make food for you, to tell you no or yes, to give you something new, or to fight. That is a lot of things. Now imagine the other way around. What if you committed suicide? Your parents do care about you no matter what you think.

In terms of pain, a lot of people are scared of getting hurt. Truth is, that is life. You need to get hurt to become stronger. I have gotten hurt so many times that you'd expect me to have been gone long ago, but I battled through it and I am such a better person for doing so. Before, I had thrown life away saying I don't care if I do this or not...but now I think about the past. If I could have spent life actually living instead of not caring, how different I would be. How many years did I waste living in the mindset that life sucked? Too many.

You may be scared, but that is normal. No one is ready for life and what it has in store for us, but we need to at least give it a try. After all, we do need to overcome our fears at some point.

Please take my advice and talk to someone either online or in person, think about getting help, talk to your parents, set goals, or something else.
We are all here for you, so feel free to PM anytime

Leave the past behind, just walk away
When it's over, and the heart break
And the cracks begin to show

*~*~This little girl was alone in the world~*~*
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Palmolive Offline
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Re: I wish I wasn't so scared. - April 21st 2011, 03:33 PM

Hey there.

I am really sorry that things have gotten so bad for you now and you've started thinking about suicide. This is such a horrible place to be in and having this thoughts and emotions is a really scary thing and its not nice to experience the emotional pain.

I don't know if anything has happened in your past or if there is a specific reason to why you are feeling the way you do, but I do know that things won't always be this way for ever. There are ways out of this which can leave you alive and happy. These feelings won't stay with you for the rest of your life, it's just going to take time and hard work to get rid of them, but they can go and its really important that you keep on trying to beat them all so that you have the chance of reaching happiness and having a life. I'm not going to tell you that getting through this is going to be easy because it is definitely not going to be easy. It might just be one of the hardest things you ever have to o in your entire life but once you get past it and through to the other side and reach happiness it will be worth it and you will be so glad that you never ever gave up. You have your whole life ahead of you and you have so much more to yet live for. The world is at your feet so take the opportunity your life offers you. It will be so worth it in the end.


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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