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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
brokensmilexx Offline
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Name: Sara
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Unhappy Caught in the undertow - April 27th 2011, 01:21 AM

For years now I've always gotten waves of depression.
When I was around the age of 9 I tried killing myself, but dropped the knife once I realized I wasn't ready to find out what happens when you die. I don't think I've ever told anyone that..
But anyways, all the time I have this horrible feeling following me around. I feel horrible about myself, and just in general.
I don't ever talk to my friends about how I really feel, and most of them never realize what I'm actually going through in my mind because I try to hide it all the time.
For the past few weeks I've actually been feeling really good. Everything seemed more clear somehow (its the only way I can describe it) and I just felt great.
But now, after being partially rejected and having to deal with my parents the shitty feeling has came back.
Sometimes I just randomly feel like crying. I feel lost and I have no idea what to do or who to turn to. I feel worthless, ugly, stupid, fat, confused, broken, like tearing my skin right off my bones.
I don't think I ever talk about my problems with people except minor ones, I'm usually the one doing the listening.
I just want to feel okay again, I don't want this sinking feeling to bring me any lower then I already am.
I don't know what to do. );
Sorry if this sounds like a rant or something..
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
I Miss You Offline
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Re: Caught in the undertow - April 27th 2011, 07:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by brokensmilexx View Post
For years now I've always gotten waves of depression.
When I was around the age of 9 I tried killing myself, but dropped the knife once I realized I wasn't ready to find out what happens when you die. I don't think I've ever told anyone that..
But anyways, all the time I have this horrible feeling following me around. I feel horrible about myself, and just in general.
I don't ever talk to my friends about how I really feel, and most of them never realize what I'm actually going through in my mind because I try to hide it all the time.
For the past few weeks I've actually been feeling really good. Everything seemed more clear somehow (its the only way I can describe it) and I just felt great.
But now, after being partially rejected and having to deal with my parents the shitty feeling has came back.
Sometimes I just randomly feel like crying. I feel lost and I have no idea what to do or who to turn to. I feel worthless, ugly, stupid, fat, confused, broken, like tearing my skin right off my bones.
I don't think I ever talk about my problems with people except minor ones, I'm usually the one doing the listening.
I just want to feel okay again, I don't want this sinking feeling to bring me any lower then I already am.
I don't know what to do. );
Sorry if this sounds like a rant or something..
hi broken

i can understand why you would keep this from your freinds..because you feel like you would "burden them"..with your problems...and you dont want to see you suffer...

all those names you called yourself..i dont believe for one second that is true about you...one word that comes to mind..is ....brave

Brave for being able to reach out and talk about it...i give you a lot of credit...

you can PM me anytime you need a freind to talk to

Drew
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
abreacti0n Offline
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Re: Caught in the undertow - April 27th 2011, 06:44 PM

Hello Sara

I'm really sorry that you're feeling all this pain now. Maybe you don't feel like it but, talking to your friends or someone else might be the solution. Try opening up to someone slowly and at your own pace. I'm confident that you can do it !

If you want to talk further PM me ... Stay Strong xx


~ I am Lost Between Fighting and Giving Up ~

The light is always found at the end of a tunnel

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PM / VM
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
brokensmilexx Offline
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Name: Sara
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Re: Caught in the undertow - April 27th 2011, 10:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Miss You View Post
hi broken

i can understand why you would keep this from your freinds..because you feel like you would "burden them"..with your problems...and you dont want to see you suffer...

all those names you called yourself..i dont believe for one second that is true about you...one word that comes to mind..is ....brave

Brave for being able to reach out and talk about it...i give you a lot of credit...

you can PM me anytime you need a freind to talk to

Drew
I don't want to burden them with my problems, and because I have really bad trust issues, and I just don't even know how I could start talking to someone about what's really going on with me..if that makes sense.

Thank you, heh that brought tears to my eyes
   
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