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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Evanesco Offline
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Why am I still trying? - April 29th 2011, 10:33 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm sick of this. I really am.

Thing is, I don't even feel sad. Not really. Not like depressed or anything.

I just feel empty. I just feel like there's no point doing anything any more.

I still do stuff. When people look at me. When people see me.

I'll work, I'll play, I'll smile.

But I rarely write any more. I don't play guitar. I don't cuddle my guinea pig. I don't revise when I'm on my own. I don't play my computer games. I rarely read, and when I do I can barely make it through a chapter. I hardly listen to music anymore.

I don't do anything.

I sit and stare at my e-mails, but when I get one I wish I hadn't because it means I have to open it.

I browse the internet but I don't know what I'm looking for.

I wander around my room, trying to tidy it but not getting very far.

And then my mum comes in and I'm smiling.

My boyfriend comes round and I do whatever he wants. Play games, chat, watch things.

I wish I had someone with me all the time. Because then I'd have a reason to do things. But I don't. So there's no reason to go on. No reason to keep trying.

I want it to end.


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Do you wanna come with me? 'Cause if you do, then I should warn you - you're gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past. Aliens from the future. The day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won't be quiet, it won't be safe, and it won't be calm. But I'll tell you what it will be: The trip of a lifetime!

Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless.
RIP Granddad Terry. I'll miss you.
   
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x_sepi_x Offline
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Re: Why am I still trying? - April 29th 2011, 10:42 AM

I know exactly how you feel and to be honest i don't really know what to say. Just hang in there huni, you'll find strength to carry on. Sorry i couldn't be of more help to you
   
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musicguy Offline
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Re: Why am I still trying? - April 29th 2011, 01:55 PM

When I feel like nothing matters, I create little goals for myself, even if they are not very important or stupid. But afterwords you can at least tell yourself you've completed something.


You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same.


   
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Re: Why am I still trying? - April 29th 2011, 03:13 PM

I do know how you feel. I myself am in quite the same position. But I'm trying to get myself out of it. In fact, today I made sure I got out of the house with my friends to just go have fun. Doing something you like with people you love makes quite a difference. I feel so much better after what I just did.

You need to get something into your life on which you can dedicate some focus to. Something that you find interesting. Maybe a new projects just to keep your mind occupied. You can get out of what you're feeling. You just need to will yourself to do it. And you need to be willing to get up, go out and try new things (and by that, I don't mean things like SH, substance use, etc!!! Let's not be mistaken!): Something that will distract you, that you like doing.

Here's something I would like you to take a look at. These are some reasons for you to live: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...-reasons-live/

I hope you feel better soon. I'm going through what you are too, and I know how you're feeling, but don't bog yourself down. Motivate yourself to get out of it. And don't give up. You won't succeed if you stop trying! Stay strong, chin up! You're going to get through this. Pm me if you want to talk! <3


~Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above.
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

Concrete Angel



"And so I grew from colt to stallion
As wild and as reckless as thunder over the land.
Racing with the eagle, soaring with the wind.
Flying? There were times I believed I could."




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