cutting more than normal
 

I feel so much more suicidal then i normally do.. I am cutting more than i used to.. i dont know whats wrong with me..

I know it sounds pathetic, but i am just so ready to go... My self harm is becoming out of control... I cut so bad a few weeks ago that i had to give myself stitches.. I really want to feel better, but at the same time i dont want to have to actually get better, i like cutting, it makes me feel so much better, but i dont want the scars and i know it is wrong..

Is it normal to go through stages where you are cutting a lot?

I dont know what to do anymore, i am so upset all the time, i cant even remember when i last felt truly happy, which means that it must have been quite awhile ago.. i want to die and i am ready to die, or at least i think i am.. but other people arent ready to let me go, i know its selfish to kill yourself, but for once i just wish i could be selfish and just do it, but im kinda scared that it wont work properly and that someone will find me alive and then i will be in even more shit now and probably get even more depressed...

I even have a plan of how to do it, a few plans actually... I know its wrong and i know i shouldnt have made them but i couldnt stop myself, when i lie in bed at night and im alone thats all i can think of.. I even wrote some suicide notes...

I just dont know what to do.. is it normal to go through a phase where you are so suicidal and cutting so much??

Re: cutting more than normal
 

Hey there!
Have you thought about getting any help or advice from people you know, such as friends, family or a teacher?
If you do, I think that's your first step into getting out of what you're feeling at the moment.
If you don't, another option is to go see a counsellor. If you're still at School or College I'm sure they will have their own system where they can set you up to see somebody.
And lastly, there's a whole load of people, including myself, on here who you can talk too.
At this moment in time, suicide is what you feel like you want. But this time tomorrow, next week, month, a few months, even a year! You don't know if you're gonna feel like that then, and you don't want the way you're feeling now to chuck away the rest of your life.

P.S "When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place" Your own advice :)

Re: cutting more than normal
 

You pretty much described me, yes I also go through stages of suicidal thoughts and SH.

Re: cutting more than normal
 

u describe me all the time