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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Thumbs down The End - May 16th 2011, 05:14 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Ok. I've given up for good this time. I still own a firearm and haven't done anything yet, so at least I have some rational thought in all of this.

It feels like I'm treading water in an endless ocean. There is no reason to keep going, it just means I'm going to die tired.

The only thing that's keeping me alive is the thought that I don't want to die a virgin. But now I'm just planning on getting an escort and then blowing my brains out.

I honestly dont even know why I'm typing this, nothing is going to help...
   
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Re: The End - May 16th 2011, 05:58 PM

Hey,

I know you're going through a hard time right now, but to me it sounds like you've forgotten one thing; the strength that you have in yourself. I think a lot of times when we go through hard times we tend to give up on ourselves, and that's one of the worst things that you can do. We count on life to fix itself, or we count on God to change things for us. But through all that, we don't realize that the power to change things lies in our hands. It's all up to us. We can change the path of our lives, and so often we don't even realize it.

The hardest thing about depression, at least in my eyes, was feeling so powerless. It's as if your life has turned into one huge roller coaster, and you don't know how to stop it. You feel as if no matter what you do, you'll always feel this way. But really, that's the farthest thing from the truth.

The first thing you can do is realize the strength you have in yourself. That's the only way you will get through this. You can choose to realize that every day you go to bed at night, every day you get through, is another victory. You can choose to realize your accomplishments despite this depression. Or you can choose to realize your failures. You can choose to be optimistic about your future, or you can view it as simply more depression. That's the beauty of it. You CAN choose. Your life IS in your control. Sure, it's not as easy as it might sound. It takes work. It's difficult. But isn't it worth it?

Do you really want to die never having been in love and having the opportunity to have a relationship like that, but in a meaningful way? If you kill yourself, you'll be missing out on so many experiences, so many opportunities. There is more to life than depression. There is more to life than what you're going through. I know it might not seem like it, but there is more than this. And you have the right to experience it. Don't take that away from yourself.

I'm here if you ever need to talk. Feel free to send me a PM. I know you can get through this. Hang in there.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: The End - May 16th 2011, 06:49 PM

I can't have hope for something that is months or years away. It's not logical to go through so much pain for a moment of happiness. I live by myself. I have no friends, no car, no job, no school. If I could find a home for my dog I would end it it right now, I wouldn't even have to think twice about it.

Believe me, I would love to have the strength to go through it. But I don't. I have no motivation to do anything, ever. And now lately, I don't even have the motivation to live. I probably had control of my life a while ago. But each mistake I make knocks it a little looser from my grasp. I'm sick and tired juggling and balancing, trying to keep it up. I just want to let it fall and smash.
   
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