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ugh - May 21st 2011, 09:58 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i was really truly happy for about a week. Everything in my life was looking so good and i was really inspired and thought i was finally all better. Then it suddenly stopped. Nothing in my life has really changed...i guess its just the way im looking at things. But now im all bummed out cuz i went from such a high to depressed again. I even had to go to the dr and he incresed my RX from 60mg to 90mg. I thought i was going to be able to get off the meds.. now im on an even higher dose for god knows how long i mean, the pills do help, but i dont wanna live my whole life being dependent on medicine to be happy. idk how to be happy tho...i thought i had it for a week, then i lost it and fell so very hard. im not suicidal (i think).. but i do kinda wish id just die in my sleep. i did start cutting again.. i cant even quit hurting myself. i was clean for a year and now my leg is covered in scabs and scars again... but somehow seeing the blood relieves the pain for a moment. idk what to do

"One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering." -Ida Scott Taylor
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Re: ugh - May 22nd 2011, 02:36 AM

I'm really sorry that you started Sh'ing again, I don't know how long it's been but if you were clean for that long I believe you can do it again.

As for the medication I know that it sucks to have to depend on it, but I've come to terms with the fact that there is nothing wrong with needing something to behave and feel normal. Sometimes I think that I'm fine and ready to get off my pills, but the reason I feel fine is because of them.

I know what you mean about relapsing and it feeling great but horrible at the same time, but I bet you were really proud that you made it a whole year, I would be. Just keep your head up, you can PM me anytime you need.

Stay strong <3
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Re: ugh - May 22nd 2011, 04:32 AM

Aww I'm sorry you're feeling so down.
You're right, you did sound like you were doing better last week. I really hope things start getting better for you soon. They will get better though.
I'm here if you ever need to talk to me.
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Re: ugh - May 22nd 2011, 12:28 PM

Hey Jayme,
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling depressed again I'm feeling pretty bummed out myself atm so don't really know what to say but I'm here if you want to talk about anything. It sucks feeling like you have to depend on pills just to make you feel okay but if they help then there's really nothing wrong with it.
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