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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Jovial. Offline
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Uhhh... - May 27th 2011, 12:08 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I really don't care if anyone reads this or if anyone even cares, I just need to get this off my chest.

I have felt like nothing but shit lately, Like honestly. I have not felt so low in my life time. I have had issues with depression and suicide in the past, and I feel like it is just creeping back. I want nothing more then to die right now. I have no desire to be here, or even to live. I know, I am a staffie and I am suppose to be strong for all of you, but even I have my breaking points.

My cutting as been escalated and it just keeps getting worse and worse. I think about it all the time and it is terrible. My eating disorder just wont go away, and I dunno what to do anymore.

I can not even think straight with all the fighting going on between parents, which is all my fault. I really am not feeling much of a point left in this shit anymore. Sorry guys

Like I said, I don't care if anyone reads this. I just need to get it out.

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Re: Uhhh... - May 27th 2011, 06:47 PM

Hey, everything is going to be okay. I remember being a Buddy myself a few years back for a little while. I was NikkiChloe then, if there's any chance that you remember me. I remember thinking that I always had to be strong and I couldn't talk to anyone about my problems. Truth is, it's okay to talk about anything that's bothering you, no matter who you are or what position you're in. Of course, as long as it's appropriate and you and I both know, it's always appropriate here.

I'm sorry you feel this way, but please, don't do anything you'll regret. Everyone here cares about you. I don't know you too well, but I know you're doing a great job and there are people who needs you. Can you tell us what's bothering you?

Feel free to PM me anytime.
   
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Heretic Offline
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Re: Uhhh... - May 28th 2011, 11:19 AM

Being on staff does mean being strong, but that doesn't mean you aren't entitled to your own emotions and expressions. I was on staff for three years, and I guarantee that what makes a staff member truly good at his/her job is the understanding and personal experience provided therein.

I know you say that you don't care if anyone reads this. But we care. It's why we're all here, and why someone respond to each and every thread. We can't fix all of your problems for you, but we can certainly give you ideas and suggestions to help, as well as free e-hugs any time.

All jokes aside, please do keep in mind that we care about you. I think you're smart enough to know how at least some of these issues can be dealt with. Self harm and an eating disorder, while quite clearly not the same thing, do have similarities. You have a reliance on them that you know you don't like having, but you nonetheless feel a need for both. Besides the usual advice of seeking counseling for both and a physician's advice and care for the eating disorder, my best advice is this: Use all of the will power you can muster and direct it towards what you want to change in yourself. I understand that will power can be awfully hard to come by when you're feeling this low, but any ounce of it you can muster can help you, I promise.

When parents fight, it's their fault. Even if you're the subject of their disagreements, it's their choice to escalate it to an argument or worse. If they can't keep their emotions in check with each other, that should be their problem, not yours. Fault rests with the instigators, not the people who create the backstories or "reasons" for the fights. Don't place blame where blame is not due, especially upon yourself.

And, last but not least, as you know so well, you're free to PM me or anyone else here at any time. We'd be more than happy to help you out in any way we can


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