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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Disclosure. Offline
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Unhappy I know I need help... - June 9th 2011, 10:51 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't do it anymore. I just can't. I tell myself that everything will be ok and that I have my whole future in front of me. I know exactly what I want to do in life. I'm going to be working full-time for a traineeship for a year starting on Tuesday as Monday is a public holiday then I'll be going to University next year and I'll be studying Music so I can become a teacher and later on in life, hopefully a record producer. I'm going for my Provisional Licence tomorrow and if I get them, I'm going to start attending Piano lessons again. I've also decided to see a councillor as well if I get my Licence. But it's going to be hard with working full-time, going to the gym (if I get my Licence I want to go everyday), as well as going to piano lessons to see a councillor. I don't have anyone I can talk to that will understand. It's hard to keep everything in side of me without letting anyone know. I've tried so hard to talk to someone but I can't because I have bad trust issues and I regret telling the people I did because I'd rather keep things to myself as then I know how to deal with stuff. I've been enjoying myself more lately, such as going out with friends more, going to more parties and meeting new people. I've tried doing things I love and distracting myself but it's not working. I'm taking anti-depressants and still it's not working. I'm trying to look forward to my future. But nothing is working. At all. I know I need help. But nothing is working in order for me to get better. I feel like I'm failing my duties here on Teenhelp because of it. I don't want it to take over and have me fail at everything in my life. I've been fighting this for a long time now and I'm sick of fighting. I know there's people worse out there then me, like living in poverty and have nothing. But I can't help it. People say depression is weak and that it's 'not real'. I want to make myself proud. I want someone, anyone to be proud of me instead of doubting me all the time. I want to be like 'This is me and I don't care what you think'. I want to not have to be alone anymore.


   
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Re: I know I need help... - June 9th 2011, 12:55 PM

Hey there. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I definitely know how you feel (seriously it sounds EXACTLY like what i'm going through.) It's good that you want to see a councillor, even if you find making time for it difficult it'll make things better. Maybe a different type of antidepressants will work better for you, they will have more of an idea.
Please feel free to PM me at any time, i'll listen to you.
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Re: I know I need help... - June 12th 2011, 03:30 AM

Dear Rianna,

I know you mentioned that it was difficult for you to open up about things, so I commend you for posting this thread - I'm sure it wasn't easy.

I have a similar experience with regards to opening up to others, so I see where you are coming from. If you feel that bringing your struggles out into the open will do more harm than good, please do feel entitled to keep that private space for yourself. Whether we share our burden with others or not, the responsibility still lies with us alone to cope with and transform those energies.

Other people will doubt us and put us down, sometimes unintentionally too - it is inevitable. However, whether or not we allow others to speak for ourselves can be a choice. We don't have to wait for others to forgive, appreciate, and have confidence in us. We can forgive ourselves - for being human, imperfect, and still learning the ways of the world. We can appreciate ourselves - for everything that we already possess within us and without - as we learn and grow, we are building upon an existing base, not merely running around in circles at the bottom. We can have confidence in ourselves - as we have already come so far, despite countless odds - who says we can't go further?

Self-confidence starts with forgiving our own imperfections. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to be weak. We must embrace our current condition fully, and be able to see it as it is without fear, to truly know the best way to challenge it. To embrace does not mean to settle for - in fact, that is far from the truth.

Have you tried exploring any creative/artistic outlets to express what is inside? I am very interested in music composition myself, although I unfortunately lack the basic knowledge necessary to get started. There is something about music, I find, that transcends language.

Hang in there. Feel free to talk to me any time, even just to say hi.

Peace and light,
Kaisada


"If limitations exist, it is because we have erased the possibility of potential."

Feel free to PM me if you ever need anything.
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Re: I know I need help... - June 12th 2011, 01:41 PM

Just be like that, I've lost friends and family just for being the way I am but it's worth it I live this way now "This is me, don't like it, fuck you" Its relaving, let me show you my story that I shared with others

Trust me you shoudnt end it all. Look I my parents got divorced when I was 10 I joined an white power gang but realized that wasnt right, 11 years old is an impressional age, did bad things then I still look at with shame, got addicted to bad drugs and was alcholic for 2 years got clean by 12, I got more rebellious and became a crust punk, almost commited sucicide 17 times and started living in abandoned buildings and in the streets for another 1-2 years, by choice ironically i hated ny fucked up mom my parents couldn't afford food let alone a home, I've had 23 bad realtionships all ended because I didn't fit society's mold got screamed at and ridiculed for everything by everyone and now I live in a garage which me and my dad are getting kicked out of in three days. The whole reason I told you this is not for sympathy in fact go ahead and laugh at how dumb I was, but it's too tell you that despite what happend you can find happiness in life, I've cleaned myself up got a job since 14 graduated Devil Pups, Retired Young Marines as Lance Corpral and raised my grades to a 3.8 gpa and last year I met my wonderful financee and we are happy as can be despite me being near homeless. Now I don't know anything else behind the scenes in your life but just remember enjoy the little things, you find that strength comes within

I post that on every troubling post to let people know, I've done things to and I understand you, I never took anti depressants and don't go to cousling but I'm great now with self determination and pure willpower. But honestly IT WAS THE HARDEST THING EVER DID! So i understand how you feel, but know it's possible Im not giving up on you, none of us are.
   
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