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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Spikey Offline
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Thumbs down It's all too much, and I hate it!! - June 12th 2011, 04:14 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I've always been told that I've put too much pressure on myself, but I never think I have.

Right now I am doing my GCSE's and I have two exams tomorrow (at the same time, so I have to do one after the other at leave school at the earliest 6 because the exam board stuffed up the times). My two exams are an ICT retake - I got one grade below my target last time - and Media. I know nothing for ICT - I am looking at past paper's now and have absolutly no idea - and I have no idea what I am going to write for Media - you get pretty much the same questions every year.

I would much rather kill myself right now than take these GCSE's.

And I bet people are going to say that it's only a GCSE and is not worth taking your life for.

So what comes after GCSE's?

A-levels.
Then collage, with more exams.
Then university, with even more exams.
And then work for the most part of your life, whilst taking exams at the same time to get better at your job.

Understand why I want to die now?

I've tried to kill myself before. And, unfortuantly, it didn't work.

I don't care about anyone else. It's just me. That's what it is generally like once you reach a certain point of suicidal thoughts.

Talk to someone?
Tried that. I've seen two councillers, tell two of my friends nearly everything, and have just been referred to a psychologist, who is not going to help because I see her after all of my exams are over. I talk to my parents too and they say that it's just exams. But if I can't handle exams, how am I going to handle the rest of the stuff life throws at me?

I can't handle change and get angry very easily and often get constant mood swings of 'going to kill myself'. I never harm anyone else. Just myself. I've self-harmed and tried suicide - hence the councillers etc. It's been suggested that I have autism and depression. Which is a great thing to hear when you're 16!!

I never feel optimistic, always feel tired or angry, and cannot remember a time when I felt happy.

So, my point is: I have two exams tomorrow which I know nothing for, despite revising and asking teachers about it. The suicide and self-harming thing is not important. That's just background from the past 9 months. Oh, and I've always wanted to die when I am 17. Seems like a good age to go. And I don't have long now. There's no point in my life if I can't enjoy it! I try to enjoy life, but can't.

People often say writing stuff down helps. Writing all this down hasn't helped at all! It's just made me realise how pathetic I am. Some of you may say I'm not pathetic, but with no self-confidence and happiness, of course I am.

Thanks for reading!!
   
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Re: It's all too much, and I hate it!! - June 12th 2011, 09:50 PM

I'm going to say it anyway: You are NOT pathetic. I feel that way a lot of the time too- no self-confidence or happiness. But I know I'm not pathetic anyway. So neither are you

Don't you worry about all the exams. They're only a tiny part of your life. Plus, it gets much easier in college- I'm there now, and I can't believe that at one stage in my life I didn't want to go.

Maybe you haven't enjoyed some of your life yet, but you're only 17! You have a long way to go!

Please don't kill yourself. Please. They're just exams. After 24 hours, you'll feel a whole lot better and glad you didn't do it.

And here, have a hug for the road
   
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Re: It's all too much, and I hate it!! - June 13th 2011, 02:24 AM

I agree with firesong3, you aren't pathetic. You sound pretty stressed out right now, and it's getting the best of you. Find something to relax yourself:music, bath, whatever interests you. Try to take a break, even a small one. School can be a major stressor for anyone, and exams/tests can drive me crazy at times.

Maybe when you're relaxing a bit, an ideas will come easier for those papers. Trying to force ideas is only going to make you more frustrated. And please don't kill yourself, you'll pull through this.

Take care, *hugs*

Last edited by TiredBrownEyes; June 14th 2011 at 12:41 AM.
   
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